{"id":997,"date":"2016-06-28T04:13:37","date_gmt":"2016-06-28T04:13:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=997"},"modified":"2016-06-28T04:13:37","modified_gmt":"2016-06-28T04:13:37","slug":"do-you-deserve-a-half-girlfriend","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=997","title":{"rendered":"A Bihari Prince’s Guide to Finding a Half Girlfriend"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

B<\/span>ack in 2014,\u00a0India\u2019s shrewdest\u00a0troll\u00a0<\/p>Chetan Bhagat<\/a> pulled a Shashi\u00a0Tharoor\u00a0when\u00a0he sent the whole country\u00a0scurrying for Google\u00a0after dropping a new word in the lexicon\u00a0of\u00a0Indian bros just starting to come to terms with their horniness. Turning the concept\u00a0of\u00a0love, and\u00a0dating\u00a0on its\u00a0head, Bhagat\u00a0struck down\u00a0“friendzone”,\u00a0and devised the term\u00a0“Half-Girlfriend”<\/a> for\u00a0testosterone-fuelled\u00a0Romeos. With it, Bhagat\u00a0defined\u00a0the menace\u00a0of girls wanting to be “dost se\u00a0thoda\u00a0zyaada\u00a0aur girlfriend\u00a0se\u00a0kaafi\u00a0kam”.\n\nThree years later, Bhagat\u2019s seminal piece of literature has been adapted on celluloid by Mohit Suri\u00a0as\u00a0Half-Girlfriend.\u00a0<\/em>Starring\u00a0Arjun Kapoor as Madhav\u00a0Jha,\u00a0aka the most nationalistic Bihari prince ever, and Shraddha Kapoor as Riya\u00a0Somani,\u00a0aka the most basketball player ever, it is\u00a0an incisive, eye-opening account\u00a0highlighting\u00a0the unfortunate reality facing innocent, emotionally vulnerable “non-English” types populating small towns in India, looking for somebody to love. Half-Girlfriend<\/em> also\u00a0drops a\u00a0truthbomb\u00a0like no other:\u00a0Boys wearing their heart on their sleeves are the real victims in 2017. After all,\u00a0they\u2019re the ones\u00a0getting mistreated and\u00a0being\u00a0left heartbroken\u00a0by girls\u00a0who have only recently been bestowed with\u00a0the power of saying\u00a0no.\n\nThe film,\u00a0which is also the debut of Chetan Bhagat as co-producer (seriously, is there anything this man cannot spoil?) and Bill Gates as a\u00a0photoshopped character actor,\u00a0is thus a guide for\u00a0all the brave\u00a0Romeos navigating the cruel witchery of half-girlfriends\u00a0without giving up hope, misogyny,\u00a0and an uncontrollable\u00a0fondness for disguising stalking as undying love.\u00a0In doing so, it seeks to answer a pertinent question: How do you find out if you deserve a Half-Girlfriend? Let Madhav\u00a0Jha,\u00a0state-level basketball player and\u00a0the prince of\u00a0Simrao\u00a0village in Bihar, he\u00a0whose English is as bad as the state of India\u2019s democracy, help you in deciding whether you should attempt to add the other half in a half-girlfriend.\n\nFirst, you kick off proceedings by being transfixed by the sight of a sports bra on\u00a0a girl playing basketball despite being dressed up looking like she\u2019s about to rap a verse out. It’ll be love at first sight for you, as it is for \u201cMyself Madhav\u00a0Jha, coming from village area\u201d whose obsession for South Delhi\u2019s budget Blair Waldorf is heightened by her obsession with getting wet in rains\u00a0and her magical superpower of being able to converse\u00a0with him\u00a0in Hindi. You will realise that this Kevin Durant-loving\u00a0Rain Girl\u00a0is The One Indian Girl<\/a> you were waiting for. This will no doubt be followed by the two of you\u00a0scoring baskets from half-courts forging a\u00a0friendship based on\u00a0fistbump-foreplay\u00a0and\u00a0using\u00a0the terrace of India Gate as your own\u00a0private half-terrace. A high-security, nearly unbreachable monument in the heart of the capital is no doubt the site of revelation. It is here that you will learn that the love of your life has nursed\u00a0life-long Indian Idol dreams: She’d like to\u00a0sing live at New York bars. All will be good until on a drunken night-out, Singer Girl surprises you\u00a0with a kiss\u00a0and activates your hormones, thus giving weight to the conspiracy theory that nothing good happens in Hauz Khas\u00a0Village on weekends.\n\nOf course, now the pressure is on you. Best to confront\u00a0Singing Sensation in a private spot, such as her birthday\u00a0party;\u00a0ask her the most Romeo question of all\u00a0time,\u00a0“lagte kya\u00a0hum\u00a0tumhare?” Put on the spot for committing one drunk mistake, Kisser Singer might inform\u00a0you that she can\u2019t be your girlfriend\u00a0for reasons unknown. But she can definitely meet you halfway and be your half-girlfriend.\u00a0Upon hearing these\u00a0dreaded\u00a0words, you must\u00a0channel your Bihari\u00a0Prince genes, and take a solemn oath to go to any lengths to convert your Half-Girlfriend into a Full-Girlfriend.\n

It is essential to follow this up with a three-year brooding vacation spread across\u00a0Simrao\u00a0and Delhi. During this period, you will suddenly discover you have a conscience and\u00a0awaken\u00a0to the joys of social work.<\/blockquote>\nTo start with, like\u00a0Boney\u00a0Ka\u00a0Launda<\/a>,\u00a0you must disregard the Half-Girlfriend\u2019s\u00a0consent and participate\u00a0in\u00a0a Roadies-level task titled,\u00a0\u201cUsko\u00a0room\u00a0mein\u00a0bula\u00a0aur\u00a0naam\u00a0roshan\u00a0kar\u201d. When she figures out your motives,\u00a0turn into the\u00a0quintessential Chetan Bhagat Hero,\u00a0hold her uncomfortably close, and utter a sanitised version of \u201cDeti\u00a0hai\u00a0toh\u00a0de,\u00a0warna kat le\u201d. Also, throw her against a chair, resulting in Half-Girlfriend leaving the room, college, and the country after getting married to her London-based\u00a0family friend. Fear not. This might not look like it’s going according to plan, but it is.\n\nIt is essential to follow this up with a three-year brooding vacation spread across\u00a0Simrao\u00a0and Delhi. During this period, you will suddenly discover you have a conscience and\u00a0awaken\u00a0to the joys of social work. This phase of the guide, is titled “I have\u00a0a dream” (of building toilets so that girls can go to school.) God, and sometimes Bill Gates himself, helps those who help others. Proving that serendipity is real, Billy dearest will\u00a0visit your village to fund your mission,\u00a0but to\u00a0prove your mettle, you have to deliver a heartfelt speech in English.\u00a0This is the moment your Hindi-Medium arse has been waiting for, because at this point, you will\u00a0run into Now-Divorced Former\u00a0Half-Girlfriend. Because women have infinite reserves of empathy and patience with abusive douchebags, she’ll use her spare time\u00a0to\u00a0start\u00a0an exclusive Half-Girlfriend English Coaching Classes for you.\n\nBut your work is not done yet. On the day of the speech, show Former Half-Girlfriend who wears the pants in your\u00a0Half-Relationship by giving the speech in Hindi instead and charm\u00a0the\u00a0richest CGI man in the world,\u00a0because magic is real. It will not only\u00a0land you\u00a0a grant,\u00a0but a sick\u00a0internship with the United Nations. Sorry, no water or logic breaks allowed in this guide.\u00a0Former Half-Girlfriend won’t be able to stand your overachiever ass any longer, and will decide to fake cancer to go live her life at a New York bar. Then comes the the part where you turn into an alcoholic-stalker UN intern in NY. Here, you can\u00a0invoke the higher spirit of Ace Surgical Striker Narendra Modi and give a speech at the United Nations praising the\u00a0\u201cBeti\u00a0Bachao,\u00a0Beti Padhao\u201d\u00a0initiative.\n\nNext, prepare for the most difficult part where you have to become a Half-Boyfriend to a Broken-Hearted\u00a0Indian\u00a0Girl, who will fall\u00a0fully\u00a0in love with you faster than Usain Bolt completes races. This Broken-Hearted Deux Ex Machina will show you the path to your Very Much Alive Terminally-Ill Former Girlfriend. Of course, she loves you! She’s loved you all along and that’s why she put you through the paces by faking an illness. She’s also psychotic, but if you haven’t figured that out by now, you both totally deserve each other. Here, you get to complete your long-delayed Roadies task of sleeping with No-Longer Half-Girlfriend.\n\nAnd this brings us to the end of this test. If you thought this was tough, try reading the Chetan Bhagat original.\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In Half-Girlfriend, Chetan Bhagat and Mohit Suri come together to provide an educational PSA for Romeos looking for their One Indian Girl.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":103,"featured_media":998,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[82],"tags":[1155,141,688,1789,19,1790,1015],"class_list":["post-997","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-pop-culture","tag-arjun-kapoor","tag-bollywood","tag-chetan-bhagat","tag-half-girlfriend","tag-india","tag-mohit-suri","tag-shraddha-kapoor"],"yoast_head":"\nA Bihari Prince's Guide to Finding a Half Girlfriend<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"In Half-Girlfriend, Chetan Bhagat and Mohit Suri come together to provide an educational PSA for Romeos looking for their One Indian Girl.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, 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