{"id":902,"date":"2016-04-08T05:44:44","date_gmt":"2016-04-08T05:44:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=902"},"modified":"2016-04-08T05:44:44","modified_gmt":"2016-04-08T05:44:44","slug":"sex-tinder-dating-relationships-modern-love-first-dates","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=902","title":{"rendered":"The Fine Art of Small Talk"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

T<\/span><\/p><\/div>

here are two kinds of people in this world: Those who like small talk and those who are wrong.\n\nSmall talk deviates from one of internet and modern society\u2019s favourite tropes: \u201cmeaningful\u201d talk. In the current post-knowledge society, \u201cdeep and meaningful\u201d talk, which includes dropping names like Murakami, discussing the symbolism of Sea of Pain<\/em> and the paradox of postcolonialism, has become a barometer of sensitivity and intelligence. It is the pillar on which we arrive at the worth of the person sitting opposite us. We live in a world, where everyone wants to decipher the depths of the universe, after one glass of Old Monk. Yes, I\u2019m looking at you, pseudo-introvert hipsters, who judge listicles as the death of writing but share results of Facebook quizzes in a nonchalant way, just because they said you\u2019d be a \u201cwriter\u201d in the future.\n\nThere is nothing wrong with being deeply interested in the workings of the universe and contemplating mankind, but there is something to be said for chit-chat about how much you hate certain contestants on Bigg Boss<\/em><\/a> and whether poop talk makes for acceptable dinner-table conversation. In our hurry to avoid weather and star-sign conversations, we hurtle straight into life. \u201cLife is more meaningful than weather<\/a>\u201d, Bustle.com once said, but to that I add the rejoinder, it can be as minor as the yumminess of gummy bears or the greatness of Taher Shah<\/a>\u2019s new single. Especially on a first date.\n\nIn a bid to avoid being trivial, I\u2019ve known fellow sisters and brothers, who dive straight into the deep end of heartfelt conversation about their hopes and dreams, when there is nothing quite as intimidating as forced intimacy. Why would a brother care if you, pretty girl, have always been the soul of an artist trapped in the body of an accountant? Excelling at the art of small talk, lets the profound questions of who we are and where we want to go, simmer in the background while you crack a joke about the cow. It\u2019s just conversation, let it flow. In a world of texting and updating, opinionating and standing up, we\u2019ve forgotten the pleasures of small talk.\n\n

Like every other girl who has ever said the word internet and has seen the \u201cif she knows the offside rule\u201d meme, she indulged my question and named a team.<\/p><\/blockquote> \n\nIn 2014, a psychologist at the University of Chicago conducted the most radical experiment<\/a> in the history of the world: Asking commuters on a metro to speak to the person next to them. In a world overrun by emojis, this study was drastic and led to astonishing results. Those who spoke to their fellow passengers, came back with glowing reviews of their morning ride and those who didn\u2019t engage spoke of the negativity of the experience. Another study<\/a> asked students to engage in conversation and the results were similar: Engaging in small talk makes people happy. Whether we’re talking to strangers on the train or the date seated across the dinner table.\n\nI remember the time when I went out with this really cute girl and the date was going great. I was loosening up, sipping on a smooth lager, and then I asked her about her favourite football team. Like every other girl who has ever said the word internet and has seen the \u201cif she knows the offside rule\u201d meme, she indulged my question and named a team. Thinking I\u2019ve really hit the jackpot, I took one more sip of the beer, pushed all my chips to the middle of the table, and asked her more football things. It was beautiful and romantic, and I fell in love. Later, she never returned my calls. You know why, don\u2019t you? I created a high-pressure \u201cknowledge\u201d situation on a date and she evacuated.\n\nSmall talk is an important rite of passage that you cannot escape no matter how hot<\/a> you look on Tinder. One can\u2019t simply walk into a prospective relationship\/one-night stand\/whatever-else-the-kids-are-calling-it-these-days with a no-talk-all-cock or no-dinna-or-wine\u2019a-only-vagina attitude because it\u2019s goddamned awkward. Everyone wants to be led to flirtation with linguistic hand-holding and semi-intelligent quips about your job or your friends.\n\nGood small talk then, for the uninitiated, involves a push and pull with how less seriously one takes themselves. Greet people in a relaxed way, never ever ask a generic \u201cWassup\u201d or high-pressure \u201cWhat book inspires you the most\u201d and, for the love of St Valentines\u2019s shiny red backside, never ever answer in monosyllables that involve the word \u201cfine\u201d. Fine is the enemy of interesting and fine is the funeral pyre where every relationship goes to die a slow and painful death. Rather, draw people out, ask them to \u201cbring you up to date\u201d, and watch the brain unspool.\n\nIn this world of high-pressure performance, low-pressure small talk is a shared cultural artefact that everyone connects with. The cute accountant might not know Murakami or football, but he can tell a couple of tricks he does to make his workday interesting and you will laugh.\n\nIt\u2019s like I said, there are two kinds of people in this world: Those who like small talk and those who are wrong. Take your time, do it right.\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In a world of texting and updating, opinionating, and standing up, we\u2019ve forgotten the pleasures of small talk.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":82,"featured_media":903,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[839,505,1047,1629,1630,807,1459,1631,22,408,1051],"class_list":["post-902","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-love-and-sex","tag-bigg-boss","tag-dating","tag-dating-apps","tag-first-dates","tag-how-to-make-small-talk","tag-kim-kardashian","tag-modern-love","tag-murakami","tag-relationships","tag-sex","tag-tinder"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Fine Art of Small Talk<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"In a world of texting and updating, opinionating, and standing up, we\u2019ve forgotten the pleasures of small talk.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, 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