{"id":876,"date":"2016-06-03T19:37:37","date_gmt":"2016-06-03T19:37:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=876"},"modified":"2016-06-03T19:37:37","modified_gmt":"2016-06-03T19:37:37","slug":"love-sex-tinder-relationships-dating-adam-and-eve-whatsapp","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=876","title":{"rendered":"The Power of the First \u201cI Love You\u201d"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

A<\/span><\/p><\/div>

long, long time ago, Adam and Eve were chilling in The Garden of Eden right after Adam had downloaded Eve into real life from her hot Tinder selfie. Eve was talking excitedly about Ed Sheeran\u2019s \u201cShape of You\u201d, but Adam \u2013 sporting a chiselled eight-pack \u2013 was on his phone, checking out new mayonnaise flavours on Instagram. He was playing it cool AF because as her maker, he was well aware of the fact that she had the hots for him. Eve, in a final bid for attention, decided to use the three little words which changed the world. Forever.\n\n\u201cI love you,\u201d she said and waited with bated breath for a return ILU, but Adam didn\u2019t have a fuck to give. Dude straightaway gave her a thumbs-up and winked at her. He waited days before eventually sending her a heart emoji. And then they lived happily ever after. After that, the world became a patriarchy, because Adam held the remote control in the relationship. Forever.\n\nTrue story.\n\nThousands of years later, the stakes are a lot lower, but the tenet remains: the first \u201cI love you\u201d decides the dynamic of the entire relationship and the person who says it. It puts them on a railway track with the Virar Fast hurtling in their direction. Now they can either get a return \u201cI love you\u201d and go off the track by hitching their wagon to the Relationship Express. Or they could be nursing a hangover caused by shots of AbsolutHeartbreak vodka, topped with Captain Self-Loathing rum, and a chakna of Camus-esque loss of the very meaning of existence. Ergo, trammelled on the tracks.\n\nIn the modern dating scene, the first \u201cI love you\u201d is loaded with subtext. The subtext usually involves a paperless contract with clauses ranging from, \u201cCan we hang out alone more often?\u201d to \u201cHey, we have been hanging out alone a lot, now let\u2019s hit the sack.\u201d According to psychologists<\/a>, in heterosexual relationships, it is mostly men who set out to seal the contract. They either feel the cultural weight of \u201ctaking the lead\u201d or seem to think that tossing the 143<\/a> will get the physical ball rolling faster.\n\nThere\u2019s also the fact that the numbers are against them (there are fewer women than men on Earth) causing a primal biological urge to flare up, making them lust for women the way this government is lusting<\/a> after the Aadhar.\n\n

The 143 game is a tough one but you have to remember that it\u2019s been that way since the first Cro Magnon male first set eyes on a female.<\/p><\/blockquote> \n\nWomen, therefore, win this delicate dance, studies<\/a> say, owing to their predisposition of delaying the emotion. They need to assess the male partner\u2019s value as they \u2013 due to a variety of social-cultural, and biological factors (an egg a month to a billion swimmers per five minutes of porn) \u2013 naturally invest more than the other party.\n\nBut does that mean that my fellow penis-possessors will always be losing the relationship game with their keen need to go 143? Not necessarily. The 143 can be delivered and the power can be retained \u2013 or at least, managed. If and only if you follow the ancient mathematical formula HNTE or \u201cHow not to Eve\u201d.\n\nThe HNTE states unequivocally that in the run-up to dropping the L-bomb, it is essential to remember that the number of fucks given is inversely proportional to the eventual fucks you will get. Meaning, the less you give, the more you get. This, of course, doesn\u2019t mean that you give no fucks, which is downright moronic, but relatively fewer. So for instance, up your WhatsApp game by using the power of read receipts<\/a> or take a cue from Adam\u2019s masterpiece in not giving a fuck as he checked out food porn while his lady love went on about #relationshipgoals. There is risk in the zero-fucks game of course, but I urge you to think of it as investing in a booming share market as opposed to a safe, fixed deposit. If things work out, you double the power investment.\n\nThe 143 game is a tough one but you have to remember that it\u2019s been that way since the first Cro Magnon male first set eyes on a female. Even they knew that a well delivered \u201cI love you\u201d takes away the curse of Eve and accomplishes a happy power-balance in the relationship where both parties enjoy equal fucks (also known as a healthy, functioning relationship in 2017)\n\nBut despite its pitfalls, the first \u201cI love you\u201d, remains the most powerful, most exhilarating currency of exchange among two people \u2013 apart from gifting of Game of Thrones<\/em> merch. So say it loud, say it proud, but for fuck sake don\u2019t say it while you\u2019re bangin\u2019 away in the backseat of your hatchback. There are rules for place too but that\u2019s a story for another day.\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The first admission of love decides the dynamic of the entire relationship and the person who says it. Use it wisely, use it well.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":82,"featured_media":877,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[1587,505,309,224,22,408,1051,474,939],"class_list":["post-876","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-love-and-sex","tag-adam-and-eve","tag-dating","tag-game-of-thrones","tag-love","tag-relationships","tag-sex","tag-tinder","tag-virar","tag-whatsapp"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Power of the First \u201cI Love You\u201d<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"The first admission of love decides the dynamic of the entire relationship and the person who says it. 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