{"id":77,"date":"2016-04-01T16:38:13","date_gmt":"2016-04-01T16:38:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=77"},"modified":"2016-04-01T16:38:13","modified_gmt":"2016-04-01T16:38:13","slug":"420-pot-weed-munchies-food-marijuana-cannabis-potheads","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=77","title":{"rendered":"Hey Potheads, Leave the Food Alone"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I<\/span>may personally choose to refrain, but I have nothing against pot smokers, really. They\u2019re fun to be around \u2013 their eyes are forever bloodshot; their mouth <\/p>never ever <\/em>closes fully; they giggle incessantly at inane garbage on television. On a whim, they\u2019ll get into half-assed hypotheses about the mental revolution and higher consciousness in between snotty cackles and staring at their fingers. They get so excited<\/em> right after they \u201cscore\u201d their \u201cstash\u201d. It tickles me. It\u2019s like the two-beer buzz taken to its optimum capacity, which makes me a little envious as well.\n\nSure, pot makes you a bum and your IQ can potentially plummet by 60 to 80 points if you smoke certain strains of weed, as studies have shown (right?), but let\u2019s not generalise here. You have the dumbass stoner pothead imbeciles who have trouble reading the alphabet without the assistance of a translator and a spliff. (Or a fatty? Or a J? Or a doob? Doja? Jojo? Keef? Reefer? Pakaloco? I lose track sometimes.) But then you also have the high-functioning cerebral mental mathematician whose smarts can get, well, overwhelming and intimidating. The super-genius, substance-abuser variety. You get all kinds everywhere.\n\nLike conformists to any non-conformist, subculture lifestyle stoners have their unique quirks that can sometimes seem a little annoying to outsiders: Their three-second long attention spans, literally. Their ability to jabber on about failure philosophies and spiritualistic babble, championed by bearded nutjobs who were too stoned to care. They\u2019ll start off about how marijuana (Or Mary Jane? A-bomb? Gonj? Budski? Dank? Bamba? Cheeba?) is far healthier than alcohol. Probably true, but why stop there? Why not also compare it to Crocin Pain Relief and freshly squeezed orange juice and green vegetables and running at Gold\u2019s Gym and Patanjali Yoga? It\u2019s only fair.\n\nI wish they made marijuana legal so that the \u201cLegalise Weed\u201d crusaders would shut up for just one second. Of course, they\u2019d then moan about how pot has become too mainstream and commercial and expensive and \u201cDown With Capitalism\u201d, but one day at a time. And then there\u2019s this peach of a line: \u201cI\u2019m not addicted. I can quit whenever; I just don\u2019t want to.\u201d If I had a two-rupee coin every time a dumbass stoner pothead imbecile uttered these words to me, I wouldn\u2019t be rich \u2013 accounting for inflation and the fact that coins tend to find their way into the black hole\/Bermuda Triangle vortex present in all pockets \u2013 but I would be a lot less exasperated.\n

Munchies is teething for adults. Except that while babies and pups grow out of it, stoners never stop.<\/blockquote>\nBut I jest and I exaggerate. None of these things truly bother me on a personal level \u2013 they amuse me, fascinate me, intrigue me, in fact. And it\u2019s not like I\u2019m without (more than enough) flaws, so who am I to judge?\n\nI don\u2019t mean to sound like a hippie (gross), but substance use is a subjective thing that demands nuance in debate. Weed has its own set of drawbacks, but then so does anything else \u2013 why blame the substance for the apathy and indifference of a generation? It\u2019s a crutch at best; reversing the old adage: In this case, one must hate the player, not the game. Maybe.\n\nWhat truly rattles my goat when it comes to stoners is the bottomless pit of a stomach all stoners have. The munchies. For those living under a rock (or should it be \u201cstone\u201d), the munchies is this phenomenon wherein people consume marijuana and then they feel stupidly hungry (pun very much intended). They\u2019re ravenous, really, and they eat anything they spot. It\u2019s like how infants and puppies start developing teeth, and then bite into everything they can lay their eyes on. Munchies is teething for adults. Except that while babies and pups grow out of it, stoners never stop. It\u2019s relentless. They need muzzles.\n\nIt\u2019s an odd thing to get riled by, but this writer, being a millennial-adjacent (which means nothing), has an affinity for junk food. Dal-roti-sabzi is where the imagination goes to die; the real fun is in the packaged goods you get in departmental stores that you\u2019re taught are bad for you. I\u2019m no \u201cfoodie\u201d, God no, but I do have a fairly rampant sweet tooth.\n\nSo, from a very personal, no-one-but-me-cares POV, stoners bug me because they eat everything. <\/em>They open the fridge, and they start polishing off all its contents \u2013 even the salt and pepper and half-cut nimbu and salad dressing \u2013 while I\u2019m busy battling my inner demons on whether to indulge in junk food or to get another cup of green tea and feel healthy and smug instead. In the meanwhile, the fridge has been emptied out by the stoners with their shoot-at-sight policy. Their stomachs are bloated, but the pot slows down their brain signals so they don\u2019t realise they\u2019ve eaten enough. They\u2019re pigs, gluttons. By then they\u2019ve already moved on to the little cabinets housing the Tang, Lay\u2019s, Uncle Chips, Haldiram\u2019s, and Cadbury goods. They\u2019ll even drink milk neat, they\u2019ll eat eggs raw, they\u2019ll eat Patanjali atta noodles uncooked. Nothing is spared; it\u2019s the purest form of egalitarianism there is. What\u2019s left then is this writer \u2013 bitter, disappointed, hungry \u2013 in the aftermath of a battlefield.\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Stoners bug me because they eat everything. They open the fridge, and they start polishing off all its contents \u2013 even the salt and pepper and half-cut nimbu and salad dressing.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":17,"featured_media":78,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[82],"tags":[3,62,63,64,65,66,67,93,94,8,86,87,95,71,72,13],"class_list":["post-77","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-pop-culture","tag-3","tag-arre","tag-arre-digital-platform","tag-arre-originals","tag-arre-reads","tag-arre-text-articles","tag-arre-website","tag-cannabis","tag-food","tag-marijuana","tag-munchies","tag-pot","tag-potheads","tag-web-series","tag-web-shows","tag-weed"],"yoast_head":"\nHey Potheads, Leave the Food Alone<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Stoners bug me because they eat everything. 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