{"id":7079,"date":"2016-06-02T09:09:51","date_gmt":"2016-06-02T03:39:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=7079"},"modified":"2016-06-02T09:09:51","modified_gmt":"2016-06-02T03:39:51","slug":"binge-eating-how-my-food-cravings-gave-me-an-upset-life","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=7079","title":{"rendered":"Nightmare on Eat Street: How My Food Cravings Gave Me an Upset Life"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

W<\/span>hen I decided to give up my career spanning 15 years to look after my twin boys, I\u00a0 was ready to embark on a beautiful journey of motherhood<\/a>. I knew it wasn\u2019t going to be all rainbows and unicorns, but I wasn\u2019t prepared for my whole life to be upturned. What I didn\u2019t anticipate was the sheer frustration that came with parenting. It didn\u2019t help that I had a spouse who travelled often, leaving me to deal with two hyperactive boys who had minds of their own. What I also didn\u2019t expect was that I\u2019d turn to food when I needed comfort and this reliance on eating would become a means of emotional release, an addiction.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I distinctly remember the day when in the middle of eating my lunch, my thoughts wandered to what I wanted to eat next. I dismissed it as a craving, but little did I know that it would be the beginning of an arduous journey that would take me to dark places over the next few years.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each time I found myself struggling to cope with my boys and their tantrums<\/a>, I\u2019d start eating something mindlessly, even as I was acutely aware that it was unhealthy. When I\u2019d get caught up in a gyre of low self-esteem, pity, sadness, and loneliness<\/a>, I\u2019d scoop oodles of cream into the custard or binge on tubs of ice-cream. That extra burger and the creamy risotto became my favourite weapon to beat stress. I\u2019d order it every time I was overwhelmed by the challenges of parenting. Midnight snacks after a complete meal or baking my favourite banana bread and minced-filled buns consumed all my spare time. There was hardly a time I\u2019d look back with regret, because the only thought that raced through my mind was, \u201cWhat should I eat next?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even three years after the boys were born, nothing changed. My only coping mechanism was food and more food. Obviously, I had put on weight and even though I strongly suspected that I wasn\u2019t doing things the right way, a part of me was unwilling to accept it. It didn\u2019t help that my family told me \u201cit\u2019s a passing phase\u201d and all this was because bringing up two children is exhausting. Of course, they are more worldly-wise than I am, I convinced myself, pushing back any lingering doubt and moving on with life\u2026 and eating.

My only coping mechanism was food and more food.<\/blockquote>
This was until a friend pointed out that I needed help and that probably I was bordering on depression. At first, I shushed her. Depression<\/a>? Me? That was unrealistic. But when I realised I didn\u2019t know how to put a stop to the binge-eating, I knew that she was right; I needed help. Period. And then the emotions tumbled out: What if I really had depression? What would my family think? What if they could not relate to what I was going through?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The more I thought, the more I stressed, and the more I ate. After days of deliberation, I chose to seek treatment. As I walked into the therapist\u2019s room, I emptied the entire tissue box at the clinic, unable to speak anything with tears rolling down my cheeks. That was also the day, my fears were confirmed. I did have depression which was related to my emotional eating. I had binge eating disorder (B.E.D), where you eat frequently and uncontrollably.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My mind was filled with a myriad of thoughts. And then came the phase of hatred for myself. I began to hate my looks<\/a>; my body and I abhorred every inch of my existence. The self-loathing that came along with the condition made me cringe. To redeem myself, I resorted to throwing up, taking laxatives to shed what I had gained, but it was futile because B.E.D had taken over my life. No matter how any promises I made to myself, the pattern would repeat week after week. If I were to choose one word to describe emotional eating, it would be desperate. Desperate for that extra piece of cake, the umpteen cups of coffee, the extra scoop of ice-cream and more. This continued for over eight years.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Until one day, I decided it had to stop. Truth is always hard to digest, but I took up a challenge to eat mindfully, to eliminate the comfort snacking from my life. I didn\u2019t opt for yo-yo diets or fads<\/a> that promised you would lose five kilos a month. I chose to plan my meals and eat mindfully. This was tough initially because I was so used to giving into cravings. There were days when I had to literally hold myself back from heading to the refrigerator; there were days when my desire for food made me weep.

My mind was filled with a myriad of thoughts. And then came the phase of hatred for myself.<\/blockquote>
But with the guidance of my therapist, I\u2019ve come a long way. It\u2019s been a little over six months since I last went on a binge-eating spree. There are times when my mind often races back to food, but I distract myself by taking time out for walks, simple exercises and meditation<\/a>. If I am feeling low, I call the one person who hears me rant. If I am anxious, I de-stress by taking a hot shower. If I am bored, I take a break. Indulge in Netflix, curl up with a book with some coffee. That\u2019s more than enough to keep the cravings at bay. I am calmer and I think before I make an impulse decision.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yet every once in a while, I crave for a plate of momos, and when I do, I order it and eat a piece or two, relishing the deliciousness of it instead of gobbling down two platefuls.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

When I\u2019d get caught up in a gyre of low self-esteem, pity, sadness, and loneliness, I\u2019d scoop oodles of cream into the custard or binge on tubs of ice-cream. Food became my favourite weapon to beat stress and soon my cravings took over my life.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":428,"featured_media":7080,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[779],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7079","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-health"],"yoast_head":"\nNightmare on Eat Street: How My Food Cravings Gave Me an Upset Life<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"When I\u2019d get caught up in a gyre of low self-esteem, pity, sadness, and loneliness, I\u2019d scoop oodles of cream into the custard or binge on tubs of ice-cream. 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