{"id":686,"date":"2016-05-10T21:28:39","date_gmt":"2016-05-10T21:28:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=686"},"modified":"2016-05-10T21:28:39","modified_gmt":"2016-05-10T21:28:39","slug":"tinder-dating-app-friendship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=686","title":{"rendered":"We Found Friends in a Hopeless Place"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

W<\/span>hen I decided to swipe into the world of Tinder, my ears sang with the alarm bells that went off in my friends\u2019 circle. Advice on how to avoid trauma, poured in from all quarters. Cautionary tales were vended out with alarming regularity at hangouts with girlfriends.\n\n\u201cOne guy fat-shamed me,\u201d a friend said. Another one complained, \u201cI didn\u2019t feel a spark with this Tinder chap I met. He kept trying to kiss me after I told him I\u2019m not interested. Why can\u2019t men take \u2018no\u2019 for an answer?\u201d\n\nI thought I knew what to expect of the app, and with my expectations suitably tempered, I proceeded to swipe right and left \u2013 but mostly left. A year ago, I could not have imagined that a platform known for hook-ups and engendering shallow entanglements at best, would actually yield fabulous company, cherished friends, and a wave of wonderful men I\u2019ve laughed with and loved. Yes, I am the fabled 0.1 percent of the Indian Tinder sisterhood with only pleasant experiences off the app.\n\nI had a few fun tales to contribute to <\/p>Induviduality<\/a>, a project to illustrate crowdsourced Tinder tales. One is about my rendezvous with Aniruddh*.\n\nOne of the first conversations I had on Tinder was also one of the most intense. We were texting away for nights on end, the terrible UI notwithstanding. When I met Aniruddh the first time, we decided to meet at Starbucks for a quick hot chocolate. I frowned. <\/em>\n\n\u201cSeriously? Starbucks?\u201d <\/em>\n\n\u201cHot chocolate and run,\u201d he replied. <\/em>\n\nI went with it but we never ran. We were as immersed in conversation in person as we were on text. We gave the barista mythological names for our order. I\u2019m unlikely to forget the moment when the barista yelled, \u201cA GRANDE HOT CHOCOLATE WITH WHIPPED CREAM FOR DURYODHAN!\u201d Our laughter was too unbearable for the corporate folks around us and we exited, two very happy people. We never apologised to the barista.<\/em>\n\nAnother time, I went for dinner with a guy who turned out to be a gentleman after my own heart. I\u2019m thoroughly discomfited at having to fight over the bill at the end of a good evening. I wanted to pay and as I reached for the bill, I saw said gentleman move to stop me, but deciding against it. Instead, he waited until it was in my hand, leaned in, and asked politely, \u201cI\u2019d really like to pay for tonight. Will you be alright with that?\u201d\n\nI\u2019ve been on so many dates where what I wanted has been bulldozed. Men have just yanked the bill out of my hands, telling me \u2013 in a sometimes shrilly, sometimes coaxing tone \u2013 that they would take care of it. This gentleman, on the other hand, had involved me in the decision without being overbearing. I hadn\u2019t realised until the end of the meal, that I\u2019d had dinner with a true feminist.\n\nI didn\u2019t join Tinder expecting to be overwhelmed. But overwhelmed I was, when I met Benjamin. He was sweating bullets at the bistro where we first met. I sensed his social anxiety and tried to do most of the talking myself. Slowly, his bullets slowed down and the monosyllables showed themselves out. Before we knew it, we were yapping away about Radiohead. He\u2019s far from a fan and I worship the ground the band walks on. But we had a lovely conversation about our differences.\n\nA month later, Benjamin moved to London. Soon after, I received a package. In it was the deluxe vinyl edition of the Radiohead album A Moon Shaped Pool<\/em>, accompanied by a note from Benjamin. An hour of shock and blinding tears later, I calmed down enough to question what I had done to warrant this priceless, thoughtful gesture from a person with whom I didn\u2019t make it past the fourth date.\n\nDid my shock stem from my cynicism of Tinder? Had I overlooked the possibility of a sincere moment in my blanket dismissal of the platform?\n

For me at least, Tinder has been a doorway to entirely new friends\u2019 circles. Not only have I remained friends with everyone I have dated, I have also managed to infiltrate the extended groups of those people.<\/blockquote>\nAs it turns out, the 0.1 percent of the Tinder sisterhood is not as tiny a margin as I\u2019d imagined it to be. As recounted on #100TinderTales<\/a>, Tinder, for many women, has become an opportunity to explore their sexuality, test moral borders, overcome personal limitations, be more sexually forthcoming and even deal with mental illnesses. The unquestionable takeaway from every story is that women are using the app to voice themselves as sexual beings and not sexualised ones.\n\nBut for some of us, the app goes beyond being a platform for hook-ups or short-term casual dating. For me at least, Tinder has been a doorway to entirely new friends\u2019 circles. Not only have I remained friends with everyone I have dated, I have also managed to infiltrate the extended groups of those people. One guy opened his people up to me and to my surprise, I found we were of the same ilk. If I hadn\u2019t had tequila shots in pyjamas at his house party, I doubt I\u2019d have been able to count a few of his friends among my confidantes today.\n\nMost women I meet are downright shocked to learn of my sunshine experiences, which is a reflection of how uncommon it is for a lot of sexually forthcoming women to be at the receiving end of decency and respect, without having to demand either. A male friend recounted this one time when a girl came over to his place and sent her GPS location to her friends back home, \u201cjust in case\u201d. The five layers of caution we apply before and during a date is exhausting.\n\nSo I must be especially lucky. But if luck was involved in introducing me to wonderful people, there was certainly effort involved in turning those fleeting encounters into solid friendships, with or without the intention of them lasting. Not all men (the only context where I don\u2019t hate those three words) have crossed the acquaintance threshold, but I count many among my friends and a couple in the Brady Bunch.\n\nI haven\u2019t quite figured it out and maybe my views will change with time. But I do think that once the tension and awkward dance of desire is passed (whether or not you end up having sex) there is an opportunity for a fulfilling relationship. One Tinder guy and I struck up a professional rapport after the second date. We now continue to exchange notes in musical writing.\n\nEven in a landscape of shallow connections, there is potential to harbour relationships with meaning, whatever their nature. These are diamonds in the rough, and just as with real ones, they need to be honed \u2013 with time and a little bit of love.\n\n* Names have been changed to protect privacy. <\/em>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2019ve never had a single sour experience on Tinder. Contrary to the shallow connections that the app is known for, I\u2019ve managed to hone relationships that are meaningful.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":114,"featured_media":687,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[82],"tags":[62,65,66,1252,1253,505,1254,224,1255,1256,1051],"class_list":["post-686","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-pop-culture","tag-arre","tag-arre-reads","tag-arre-text-articles","tag-best-friend","tag-bffs","tag-dating","tag-friendship","tag-love","tag-swipe","tag-swipe-right","tag-tinder"],"yoast_head":"\nWe Found Friends in a Hopeless Place<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I\u2019ve never had a single sour experience on Tinder. 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