{"id":6537,"date":"2016-04-13T02:03:09","date_gmt":"2016-04-12T20:33:09","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=6537"},"modified":"2016-04-13T02:03:09","modified_gmt":"2016-04-12T20:33:09","slug":"have-you-ever-shut-a-boy-who-made-a-sexist-joke-i-havent-and-thats-the-problem","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=6537","title":{"rendered":"Have You Ever Shut a Boy Who Made a Sexist Joke? I Haven\u2019t. And That\u2019s The Problem"},"content":{"rendered":"\nW<\/span>hen I looked at the insensitive and crass messages from the \u201cBois locker room<\/a>\u201d group chat, I instinctively gave myself the benefit of doubt. \u201cWe never did that, ugh… school kids these days!\u201d I put the blame on a \u201cspoilt rich bunch\u201d and moved on. But truth be told, this was nothing but some sort of self-defence mechanism to alienate myself from this \u201call boys club\u201d, to convince myself that my friends and I were nothing like them, and that this new generation has regressed. Maybe it\u2019s Snapchat\u2019s fault.\n\nBut were we really nothing like them? There was no conversation about rape<\/a>, even as a joke\u2026 but am I guilt-free?\n\nI think back to the time when I was in school in the early noughties and we had a lot in common with the boys from Delhi barring one thing \u2013 the cellphone. We went to affluent schools, had \u201cboys\u2019 only\u201d groups, said obnoxious things about women within our closed circles when no one was listening. We got away probably because there was no girl who complained and possibly because there wasn\u2019t a device on which our derogatory conversations were recorded, stored, and later broadcast on an online platform for the whole world to see for perpetuity.\n\nBack then, all the \u201ctalk\u201d remained confined within the boys\u2019 group, at most a parent would overhear and warn her son to stay away from such company. A teacher<\/a> would reprimand someone, we\u2019d hang our heads because we had to \u2013 not because we were ashamed, giggle about it later, and then move on. Yes, we are guilty and so are most of our fathers. Much before the virtual \u201cbois locker room\u201d, versions of it existed as we gathered in corners in schools, under our houses, and outside coaching classes. And today, even as we outrage over the Delhi schoolboys, there exist WhatsApp groups where pornographic clips are shared, lewd remarks are passed about women and their bodies, and sexist jokes<\/a> are received with Lols and laughter emojis.\n\n\u201cMale bonding\u201d to quite an extent is premised on talking about women, where anything goes and everything is sacred. And that these groups continue to exist is proof that #MeToo<\/a> has done little to change that. Yes we are afraid, which only means men today might think twice about how they behave in public, but when no one\u2019s watching or when they feel \u201csafe\u201d, they don\u2019t hesitate to make a rape joke here and pass a misogynistic comment there.\n\nHow did we get here?\n\n

“Bro culture\u201d that we know of today is little about brotherhood and more about tolerating each other\u2019s worst traits. <\/p><\/blockquote> \n\nTBH, we got here because we did nothing to get away from it. There have been numerous conversations I have been privy to where lines were crossed, chats that made me feel uneasy and at times even angry. But I let it pass, be it in school, college, or at a workplace<\/a>. I either ignored a WhatsApp message or muted the group; I chose not to hang with a group of boys or worse, I faked a laugh. Because I didn\u2019t want to be branded a \u201csissy, an \u201cuncle with no sense of humour\u201d or be mocked for \u201csuddenly becoming the feminist type\u201d. How could I risk a childhood friendship over a loose comment? What\u2019s the point of having a difficult conversation with that pervy relative? How can I be a party-pooper and leave an informal boys\u2019 group? What will be the consequences of calling out a sexist boss? The excuses are aplenty.\n\nThat\u2019s the problem and I am part of it. The Delhi \u201cbois locker room\u201d exists today because there was no one who stood up and said that conversations about rape and morphing images of classmates was not to be tolerated. They believed that is all part of growing up. They were raised in the same environment as I. So when a school senior introduced them to this toxic culture, there was yet another senior like me who probably kept mum knowing that it was wrong. It all starts with a seemingly benign joke and soon escalates to bullying<\/a>. Each of these individual moments can seem harmless at a time but every comment only propagates this culture further.\n\nIt will probably stop when men stop using the \u201cboys will be boys\u201d excuse. When they realise that the \u201cbro culture\u201d that we know of today is little about brotherhood and more about tolerating each other\u2019s worst traits.\n\nThis is a pandemic that has existed for far too long. The only cure is that more and more men begin to draw the line. Say \u201cenough\u201d when the first sexist joke is cracked. It takes 20 seconds for your hands but it takes 10 to shut someone down. Or even less to exit a WhatsApp \u201cboys only\u201d group. That\u2019s where I am going to start.\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

We\u2019ve been outraging about Delhi\u2019s \u201cbois locker room\u201d and telling ourselves that we were nothing like the kids of today. But are we really guilt-free?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":407,"featured_media":6538,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[170],"tags":[10570,10571,8497,2596,10572],"class_list":["post-6537","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-gender","tag-bois-locker-room","tag-girls-locker-room","tag-misogny","tag-sexism","tag-sexist-jokes"],"yoast_head":"\nHave You Ever Shut a Boy Who Made a Sexist Joke? I Haven\u2019t. And That\u2019s The Problem<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"We\u2019ve been outraging about Delhi\u2019s \u201cbois locker room\u201d and telling ourselves that we were nothing like the kids of today. 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