{"id":6386,"date":"2016-04-04T16:47:01","date_gmt":"2016-04-04T11:17:01","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=6386"},"modified":"2016-04-04T16:47:01","modified_gmt":"2016-04-04T11:17:01","slug":"honest-coronavirus-fears-social-distancing-maid-asks-for-chutti","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=6386","title":{"rendered":"Honest Coronavirus Fears: What If My Maid Learns about Social Distancing and Asks for Chutti?"},"content":{"rendered":"\nI<\/span>s there anybody more annoying than the WHO?! Couldn\u2019t they find a better time to declare the <\/span>Covid-19 outbreak<\/span><\/a> a global pandemic, like in September when literally no one vacations? I had to cancel my villa booking at Lake Como and now have a stack of carefully curated airport looks and nowhere to go.<\/span>\n\nUntil a few weeks ago, I had no idea what the word pandemic meant. But now, thanks to the million and a half articles I have read about flattening the curve, making <\/span>social distancing<\/span><\/a> work, the history and geography of coronaviruses, my god we are fucked and it is upto me to save the world with my newly discovered paranoia.<\/span>\n\nMy paranoia has given my smooth-as-a-baby\u2019s-bottom forehead a few lines and my always happening life a new-found sense of purpose.<\/span>\n\nMy purpose had a grand launch. It was inaugurated with much fanfare at the supermarkets and pharmacies in my hood. It was not easy battling all the ladies to\u00a0 strip the shelves clean of their stocks and making sure I leave nothing for others. My apartment is now overflowing with cleaning supplies, groceries, and medicines that I will probably not need, but will last me for the next five years.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>\n\nThis is day 6 and 11 hours into saving the world by locking myself at home with my beloved maids and wretched family. I am happy to report it has been a fruitful week. I\u2019ve had so much amla and oranges to boost my immunity, even the words that come out of my mouth are acidic. The good news is, my six-year-old son has finally started calling me \u201c<\/span>mommy<\/span><\/a>\u201d and our aayah \u201caunty\u201d. It took over two dozen Kinder Joy surprise eggs, cajoling, and finally, staring menacingly at him \u2013 although I have come to the painful realisation that I don\u2019t actually like my only child very much. I guess when you spend every fucking hour of your life at home, you come to the conclusion he looked much cuter when he was asleep and silent.<\/span>\n\n

Pinky, my cleaning lady, has been sneezing a lot lately and giving me sleepless nights.<\/p><\/blockquote> \n\nPinky, my cleaning lady, has been <\/span>sneezing<\/span><\/a> a lot lately and giving me sleepless nights. I think she\u2019s doing it out of spite for making her polish all the silver in the house including the one inside my cavity. All these hours inside the house with all work and no play is making me hyper. The other evening when I got exhausted from chilling for 10 minutes, I decided to disinfect our pantry and found the jar of pasta sauce that I had bought in 1995. Since I didn\u2019t want an Italian in the house, I let it walk out.\u00a0<\/span>\n\nMy only respite are the balcony <\/span>antakshari sessions<\/span><\/a>. If the Sicilians can sing duets on their balconies, so can we. I am now standing on our balcony and waiting for LuciferLuvs69 to come out. Maybe I\u2019ll invite Khakra123 and HaiJunglee5 to join in. Thing is, I only know my neighbours by their WiFi names.\u00a0<\/span>\n\nMy husband maintains a 100-metre distance from me like I were infected. He hasn\u2019t shaved in days and keeps mumbling under his breath and it\u2019s usually in verse. Is it because of the copious quantities of alcohol I have been adding to the curries to disinfect, or is he turning into Rupi Kaur? The other day I swear I heard him mumble \u2013 <\/span>Go Corona<\/span><\/a> Go Go. Just wake me up, before you go oh. Don\u2019t leave me hanging like a bozo.\u00a0<\/span>\n\nThese men! A few days of the world around us mutating into an unknown scary place and they start to crumble like stale cheese. Why can\u2019t he be like me, for fuck\u2019s sake? I have ventured to places where no human has gone before \u2013 like my Yahoo mail inbox and deleted over 3,000 emails without even reading them. But no, he will continue to mope and expect me to understand!\u00a0<\/span>\n\n

If the Sicilians can sing duets on their balconies, so can we.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\nI have fears too, you know, and they are huge. So huge they give me sleepless nights. What if one of my maids announces that she wants to work from home! If she leaves, who will mop our marble flooring, clean our dirty linen, scrub the dishes? But I certainly don\u2019t intend to die of <\/span>housework<\/span><\/a>. Maybe I will ask her to join me on the balcony to play antakshari. Do hand sanitiser shots with her. Give her my Victoria Secret lingerie which I haven\u2019t worn in years because it\u2019s so damn uncomfortable.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>\n\nBut I hope this doesn\u2019t go on for much longer. What will I do if I can\u2019t get pissed drunk at my favourite pub while I bitch about my nasty besties? If I can\u2019t put up gym selfies in my skimpies? It isn\u2019t even safe for ISIS terrorists out there.\u00a0<\/span>\n\nWhich probably means one thing.\u00a0<\/span>\n\nI think I should take a walk tonight. Like the cattle class. I\u2019ve heard women are finally feeling safe because even men are keeping a safe distance from them.\u00a0<\/span>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Thanks to the million and a half articles I have read about flattening the coronavirus curve, I am imposing self-quarantine. My apartment is now overflowing with cleaning supplies, groceries, and medicines that I will probably not need, but will last me for the next five years. The only respite is antakshari on the balcony with my neighbours.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":214,"featured_media":6387,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10108],"tags":[10110,10394,10312,10395,10396],"class_list":["post-6386","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-coronavirus","tag-coronavirus","tag-coronavirus-quarantine","tag-covid-19","tag-paranoia","tag-sneezing"],"yoast_head":"\nHonest Coronavirus Fears: What If My Maid Learns about Social Distancing and Asks for Chutti?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Thanks to the million and a half articles I have read about flattening the coronavirus curve, I am imposing self-quarantine. My apartment is now overflowing with cleaning supplies, groceries, and medicines that I will probably not need, but will last me for the next five years. The only respite is antakshari on the balcony with my neighbours.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=6386\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Honest Coronavirus Fears: What If My Maid Learns about Social Distancing and Asks for Chutti?\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Thanks to the million and a half articles I have read about flattening the coronavirus curve, I am imposing self-quarantine. My apartment is now overflowing with cleaning supplies, groceries, and medicines that I will probably not need, but will last me for the next five years. The only respite is antakshari on the balcony with my neighbours.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=6386\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Arr\u00e9\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2016-04-04T11:17:01+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/1584501901.png\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1520\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"850\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/png\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Purba Ray\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:title\" content=\"Honest Coronavirus Fears: What If My Maid Learns about Social Distancing and Asks for Chutti?\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:description\" content=\"Thanks to the million and a half articles I have read about flattening the coronavirus curve, I am imposing self-quarantine. My apartment is now overflowing with cleaning supplies, groceries, and medicines that I will probably not need, but will last me for the next five years. The only respite is antakshari on the balcony with my neighbours.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Purba Ray\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=6386#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=6386\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Purba Ray\",\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/7f84f401ec2280c2a9d182491941e4cb\"},\"headline\":\"Honest Coronavirus Fears: What If My Maid Learns about Social Distancing and Asks for Chutti?\",\"datePublished\":\"2016-04-04T11:17:01+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=6386\"},\"wordCount\":878,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=6386#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.207.105.184\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/1584501901.png\",\"keywords\":[\"Coronavirus\",\"coronavirus quarantine\",\"covid 19\",\"paranoia\",\"sneezing\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Coronavirus\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=6386\",\"url\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=6386\",\"name\":\"Honest Coronavirus Fears: What If My Maid Learns about Social Distancing and Asks for Chutti?\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=6386#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=6386#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.207.105.184\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/1584501901.png\",\"datePublished\":\"2016-04-04T11:17:01+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/7f84f401ec2280c2a9d182491941e4cb\"},\"description\":\"Thanks to the million and a half articles I have read about flattening the coronavirus curve, I am imposing self-quarantine. My apartment is now overflowing with cleaning supplies, groceries, and medicines that I will probably not need, but will last me for the next five years. The only respite is antakshari on the balcony with my neighbours.\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=6386#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=6386\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=6386#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.207.105.184\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/1584501901.png\",\"contentUrl\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.207.105.184\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/1584501901.png\",\"width\":1520,\"height\":850},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=6386#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Honest Coronavirus Fears: What If My Maid Learns about Social Distancing and Asks for Chutti?\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/#website\",\"url\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/\",\"name\":\"Arr\u00e9\",\"description\":\"In every person lies a creator and in every creator, an enterprise.\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/7f84f401ec2280c2a9d182491941e4cb\",\"name\":\"Purba Ray\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/8262336daa89ddfabf286d6fbb99f8910d9536a0a9fb9e0477e590fdc896825d?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/8262336daa89ddfabf286d6fbb99f8910d9536a0a9fb9e0477e590fdc896825d?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/8262336daa89ddfabf286d6fbb99f8910d9536a0a9fb9e0477e590fdc896825d?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Purba Ray\"},\"url\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.207.105.184\\\/?author=214\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Honest Coronavirus Fears: What If My Maid Learns about Social Distancing and Asks for Chutti?","description":"Thanks to the million and a half articles I have read about flattening the coronavirus curve, I am imposing self-quarantine. My apartment is now overflowing with cleaning supplies, groceries, and medicines that I will probably not need, but will last me for the next five years. The only respite is antakshari on the balcony with my neighbours.","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=6386","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Honest Coronavirus Fears: What If My Maid Learns about Social Distancing and Asks for Chutti?","og_description":"Thanks to the million and a half articles I have read about flattening the coronavirus curve, I am imposing self-quarantine. My apartment is now overflowing with cleaning supplies, groceries, and medicines that I will probably not need, but will last me for the next five years. The only respite is antakshari on the balcony with my neighbours.","og_url":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=6386","og_site_name":"Arr\u00e9","article_published_time":"2016-04-04T11:17:01+00:00","og_image":[{"width":1520,"height":850,"url":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/1584501901.png","type":"image\/png"}],"author":"Purba Ray","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_title":"Honest Coronavirus Fears: What If My Maid Learns about Social Distancing and Asks for Chutti?","twitter_description":"Thanks to the million and a half articles I have read about flattening the coronavirus curve, I am imposing self-quarantine. My apartment is now overflowing with cleaning supplies, groceries, and medicines that I will probably not need, but will last me for the next five years. The only respite is antakshari on the balcony with my neighbours.","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Purba Ray","Est. reading time":"4 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=6386#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=6386"},"author":{"name":"Purba Ray","@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/#\/schema\/person\/7f84f401ec2280c2a9d182491941e4cb"},"headline":"Honest Coronavirus Fears: What If My Maid Learns about Social Distancing and Asks for Chutti?","datePublished":"2016-04-04T11:17:01+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=6386"},"wordCount":878,"image":{"@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=6386#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/1584501901.png","keywords":["Coronavirus","coronavirus quarantine","covid 19","paranoia","sneezing"],"articleSection":["Coronavirus"],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=6386","url":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=6386","name":"Honest Coronavirus Fears: What If My Maid Learns about Social Distancing and Asks for Chutti?","isPartOf":{"@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=6386#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=6386#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/1584501901.png","datePublished":"2016-04-04T11:17:01+00:00","author":{"@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/#\/schema\/person\/7f84f401ec2280c2a9d182491941e4cb"},"description":"Thanks to the million and a half articles I have read about flattening the coronavirus curve, I am imposing self-quarantine. My apartment is now overflowing with cleaning supplies, groceries, and medicines that I will probably not need, but will last me for the next five years. The only respite is antakshari on the balcony with my neighbours.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=6386#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=6386"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=6386#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/1584501901.png","contentUrl":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/1584501901.png","width":1520,"height":850},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=6386#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Honest Coronavirus Fears: What If My Maid Learns about Social Distancing and Asks for Chutti?"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/#website","url":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/","name":"Arr\u00e9","description":"In every person lies a creator and in every creator, an enterprise.","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/#\/schema\/person\/7f84f401ec2280c2a9d182491941e4cb","name":"Purba Ray","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/8262336daa89ddfabf286d6fbb99f8910d9536a0a9fb9e0477e590fdc896825d?s=96&d=mm&r=g","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/8262336daa89ddfabf286d6fbb99f8910d9536a0a9fb9e0477e590fdc896825d?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/8262336daa89ddfabf286d6fbb99f8910d9536a0a9fb9e0477e590fdc896825d?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Purba Ray"},"url":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?author=214"}]}},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/1584501901.png","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6386","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/214"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6386"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6386\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/6387"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6386"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6386"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6386"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}