{"id":6313,"date":"2016-03-31T16:35:54","date_gmt":"2016-03-31T11:05:54","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=6313"},"modified":"2016-03-31T16:35:54","modified_gmt":"2016-03-31T11:05:54","slug":"youre-one-of-the-boys-how-my-tomboy-status-made-me-sexist","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=6313","title":{"rendered":"\u201cYou\u2019re One of the Boys!\u201d How My Tomboy Status Made Me Sexist"},"content":{"rendered":"\nH<\/span>ow do you go about returning a <\/span>compliment<\/span><\/a>? All my life, I\u2019ve been flattered to be treated like \u201cone of the boys\u201d, from my father, to my classmates, to boyfriends. But though I\u2019ve spent many years revelling in my tomboy status, I\u2019ve come to the realisation that being called \u201cone of the boys\u201d isn\u2019t a form of praise, but a rather subtle form of sexism, one which I had owned and internalised all my life.\n\nWhen you hear the word <\/span>sexist<\/span><\/a>, you probably don\u2019t picture someone like me, a 24-year-old girl who aced her gender studies assignments in college and has been loudly calling herself a feminist since she was 14. So it was much to my dismay when I recently came to the realisation that I have all the traits of stereotypical toxic launda, except my truth was veiled within my 5\u20194\u201d stature and penchant for skater skirts.<\/span>\n\nI noticed patterns within my own behaviour, patterns that betrayed my ability to enjoy anything marketed towards my gender. Was I more critical of female politicians, singers, celebrity chefs, or reality stars than male? Probably. Did my voice assume a certain derisive tone when I said the words \u201c<\/span>chick-lit<\/span><\/a>\u201d and \u201cmommy blogger\u201d? Definitely. I realised that this brand of internalised sexism that I suffered from had its roots in my upbringing.<\/span>\n\nGrowing up as an only <\/span>daughter<\/span><\/a>, I couldn\u2019t shake the feeling that my father loved me dearly, but always wanted a son whom he could mentor. Nothing was overtly said, but it came across in subtle ways. When I turned 17 he told me that \u201ca boy would have learnt <\/span>driving<\/span><\/a> by now\u201d, and to his eternal dismay I didn\u2019t know what \u201coffside\u201d meant (honestly, I\u2019m still not absolutely sure). In an attempt to gain his validation I began to view my femininity as a handicap, something that was holding me back from all that I could be.\u00a0<\/span>\n\n

I began to pride myself on having stereotypically \u201cmasculine virtues\u201d of intelligence, drive, and aspiration.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\nSimone de Beauvoir wrote, \u201cMan is defined as a human being and a woman as a female \u2014 whenever she behaves as a human being she is said to imitate the male.\u201d I learned to imitate men, and decided that in order to be their equal, I had to be like them.<\/span> \n\nI began to pride myself on having stereotypically \u201cmasculine virtues\u201d of intelligence, drive, and aspiration. While my father was my childhood hero, I didn\u2019t value my mother\u2019s artistic flair, kindness, and determination as much as I should have, because I never saw those qualities being held in the same regard by the world as my father\u2019s strengths. I even persisted with <\/span>Maths<\/span><\/a> as a subject in school, despite hating it, because doing well in STEM (science, technology, engineering, and mathematics) \u2013 fields where boys supposedly surpass girls \u2013 would certify my intelligence to the world.<\/span>\n\nIn this process, my views on my own <\/span>femininity<\/span><\/a> slowly began to get tainted. I didn\u2019t have time for \u201cfrivolous pursuits\u201d like gushing over boys or painting my nails, which is what I imagined the extent of \u201cgirly girl\u201d behaviour to be. The things I watched and read also had an effect on me.<\/span>\n\nConsider the number of children\u2019s books, films and TV shows in which tomboys are protagonists, while feminine girls are problematic characters or villains. Tomboys, from Jo in Louisa May Alcott\u2019s <\/span>Little Women<\/span><\/i>, to nerdy <\/span>Taylor Swift<\/span><\/a> in the \u201cYou Belong with Me\u201d music video, to <\/span>Pride and Prejudice<\/span><\/i>\u2019s Lizzie Bennet, were all women whose personality hinged on being different from other women. The Sharpays and Regina Georges were naturally pitted against them, and I thought I had to pick a team.<\/span>\n\nI tried to avoid femininity\u2019s traditional trappings in order to be taken seriously by the world. My internalised <\/span>toxic male behaviour<\/span><\/a> meant that I had trouble being empathetic; I considered crying in front of people a sign of weakness because I was out of touch with my emotions. I was often accused of being heartless when I refused to display emotion in situations where it was deemed necessary. When my guy friends told me I \u201cwasn\u2019t like the other girls\u201d, I took it as a compliment.<\/span>\n\nIn the mishmash of narratives that I would I spin in my head, I believed that my femininity undercut feminism. I was the girl who got shit done and I considered that to be enough to offset my poor behaviour towards my own gender. I believed that girlish ideals were only pulling us all back from being truly equal to men. It became apparent to me that women are desired, not admired. I would discount the importance of what women and women-centric values add to society because I was taught only to appreciate the loud bravado of masculinity.<\/span>\n\n

I grew up valuing my father\u2019s drive and ambition but now I see more dimensions to him. <\/p><\/blockquote> \n\nBut I now realise \u201cnot like other girls\u201d is not a compliment. I\u2019ve recognised my own underlying <\/span>misogyny<\/span><\/a> and am in the process of embracing my femininity and valuing and respecting the same in women around me. Unlearning internalised sexism is a constant process and I still have a long way to go, but I try to constantly recheck my thoughts lest it creep in again.<\/span>\n\nI grew up valuing my father\u2019s drive and <\/span>ambition<\/span><\/a> but now I see more dimensions to him. The reason I could learn and grow as much as I did was because he was a nurturing teacher who was fiercely protective of my dreams and abilities. He was attentive and would try to cheer me on with his wry humour. He tried his best to keep me grounded without clipping my wings. I now recognise the value of the feminine traits in my father.<\/span>\n\nI\u2019m also starting to see that <\/span>red lipstick<\/span><\/a>, twirly skirts, and giving my friends a lot of hugs are not a threat to my identity as a modern, progressive feminist. There is simply no right or wrong way to be a woman.<\/span>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

When you hear the word sexist, you probably don\u2019t picture a 24-year-old girl who aced her gender studies assignments. But I recently came to the realisation that I have all the traits of a stereotypical toxic launda, except my truth was veiled within my 5\u20194\u201d stature and penchant for skater skirts.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":400,"featured_media":6314,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[170],"tags":[956,10322,10323,2596,4333,5258,1935],"class_list":["post-6313","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-gender","tag-father-daughter-relations","tag-not-like-other-girls","tag-one-of-the-boys","tag-sexism","tag-sexist","tag-simone-de-beauvoir","tag-toxic-masculinity"],"yoast_head":"\n\u201cYou\u2019re One of the Boys!\u201d How My Tomboy Status Made Me Sexist<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"When you hear the word sexist, you probably don\u2019t picture a 24-year-old girl who aced her gender studies assignments. But I recently came to the realisation that I have all the traits of a stereotypical toxic launda, except my truth was veiled within my 5\u20194\u201d stature and penchant for skater skirts.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=6313\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"\u201cYou\u2019re One of the Boys!\u201d How My Tomboy Status Made Me Sexist\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"When you hear the word sexist, you probably don\u2019t picture a 24-year-old girl who aced her gender studies assignments. But I recently came to the realisation that I have all the traits of a stereotypical toxic launda, except my truth was veiled within my 5\u20194\u201d stature and penchant for skater skirts.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=6313\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Arr\u00e9\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2016-03-31T11:05:54+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/1583384945.png\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1520\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"850\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/png\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Swarnim Jain\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:title\" content=\"\u201cYou\u2019re One of the Boys!\u201d How My Tomboy Status Made Me Sexist\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:description\" content=\"When you hear the word sexist, you probably don\u2019t picture a 24-year-old girl who aced her gender studies assignments. But I recently came to the realisation that I have all the traits of a stereotypical toxic launda, except my truth was veiled within my 5\u20194\u201d stature and penchant for skater skirts.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Swarnim Jain\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"5 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=6313#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=6313\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Swarnim Jain\",\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/7d39588a2ccd8095261847f1785dd429\"},\"headline\":\"\u201cYou\u2019re One of the Boys!\u201d How My Tomboy Status Made Me Sexist\",\"datePublished\":\"2016-03-31T11:05:54+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=6313\"},\"wordCount\":1035,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=6313#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.207.105.184\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/1583384945.png\",\"keywords\":[\"Father Daughter relations\",\"not like other girls\",\"one of the boys\",\"sexism\",\"Sexist\",\"Simone de Beauvoir\",\"Toxic Masculinity\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Gender\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=6313\",\"url\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=6313\",\"name\":\"\u201cYou\u2019re One of the Boys!\u201d How My Tomboy Status Made Me Sexist\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=6313#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=6313#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.207.105.184\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/1583384945.png\",\"datePublished\":\"2016-03-31T11:05:54+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/7d39588a2ccd8095261847f1785dd429\"},\"description\":\"When you hear the word sexist, you probably don\u2019t picture a 24-year-old girl who aced her gender studies assignments. But I recently came to the realisation that I have all the traits of a stereotypical toxic launda, except my truth was veiled within my 5\u20194\u201d stature and penchant for skater skirts.\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=6313#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=6313\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=6313#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.207.105.184\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/1583384945.png\",\"contentUrl\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.207.105.184\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/1583384945.png\",\"width\":1520,\"height\":850},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=6313#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"\u201cYou\u2019re One of the Boys!\u201d How My Tomboy Status Made Me Sexist\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/#website\",\"url\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/\",\"name\":\"Arr\u00e9\",\"description\":\"In every person lies a creator and in every creator, an enterprise.\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/7d39588a2ccd8095261847f1785dd429\",\"name\":\"Swarnim Jain\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/0f14a3f2f9345deb88a9f8bc57a33410f133ea1b92683136b0b9b35b1a350d78?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/0f14a3f2f9345deb88a9f8bc57a33410f133ea1b92683136b0b9b35b1a350d78?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/0f14a3f2f9345deb88a9f8bc57a33410f133ea1b92683136b0b9b35b1a350d78?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Swarnim Jain\"},\"url\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.207.105.184\\\/?author=400\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"\u201cYou\u2019re One of the Boys!\u201d How My Tomboy Status Made Me Sexist","description":"When you hear the word sexist, you probably don\u2019t picture a 24-year-old girl who aced her gender studies assignments. But I recently came to the realisation that I have all the traits of a stereotypical toxic launda, except my truth was veiled within my 5\u20194\u201d stature and penchant for skater skirts.","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=6313","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"\u201cYou\u2019re One of the Boys!\u201d How My Tomboy Status Made Me Sexist","og_description":"When you hear the word sexist, you probably don\u2019t picture a 24-year-old girl who aced her gender studies assignments. But I recently came to the realisation that I have all the traits of a stereotypical toxic launda, except my truth was veiled within my 5\u20194\u201d stature and penchant for skater skirts.","og_url":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=6313","og_site_name":"Arr\u00e9","article_published_time":"2016-03-31T11:05:54+00:00","og_image":[{"width":1520,"height":850,"url":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/1583384945.png","type":"image\/png"}],"author":"Swarnim Jain","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_title":"\u201cYou\u2019re One of the Boys!\u201d How My Tomboy Status Made Me Sexist","twitter_description":"When you hear the word sexist, you probably don\u2019t picture a 24-year-old girl who aced her gender studies assignments. But I recently came to the realisation that I have all the traits of a stereotypical toxic launda, except my truth was veiled within my 5\u20194\u201d stature and penchant for skater skirts.","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Swarnim Jain","Est. reading time":"5 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=6313#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=6313"},"author":{"name":"Swarnim Jain","@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/#\/schema\/person\/7d39588a2ccd8095261847f1785dd429"},"headline":"\u201cYou\u2019re One of the Boys!\u201d How My Tomboy Status Made Me Sexist","datePublished":"2016-03-31T11:05:54+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=6313"},"wordCount":1035,"image":{"@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=6313#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/1583384945.png","keywords":["Father Daughter relations","not like other girls","one of the boys","sexism","Sexist","Simone de Beauvoir","Toxic Masculinity"],"articleSection":["Gender"],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=6313","url":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=6313","name":"\u201cYou\u2019re One of the Boys!\u201d How My Tomboy Status Made Me Sexist","isPartOf":{"@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=6313#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=6313#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/1583384945.png","datePublished":"2016-03-31T11:05:54+00:00","author":{"@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/#\/schema\/person\/7d39588a2ccd8095261847f1785dd429"},"description":"When you hear the word sexist, you probably don\u2019t picture a 24-year-old girl who aced her gender studies assignments. But I recently came to the realisation that I have all the traits of a stereotypical toxic launda, except my truth was veiled within my 5\u20194\u201d stature and penchant for skater skirts.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=6313#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=6313"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=6313#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/1583384945.png","contentUrl":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/1583384945.png","width":1520,"height":850},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=6313#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"\u201cYou\u2019re One of the Boys!\u201d How My Tomboy Status Made Me Sexist"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/#website","url":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/","name":"Arr\u00e9","description":"In every person lies a creator and in every creator, an enterprise.","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/#\/schema\/person\/7d39588a2ccd8095261847f1785dd429","name":"Swarnim Jain","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/0f14a3f2f9345deb88a9f8bc57a33410f133ea1b92683136b0b9b35b1a350d78?s=96&d=mm&r=g","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/0f14a3f2f9345deb88a9f8bc57a33410f133ea1b92683136b0b9b35b1a350d78?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/0f14a3f2f9345deb88a9f8bc57a33410f133ea1b92683136b0b9b35b1a350d78?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Swarnim Jain"},"url":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?author=400"}]}},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/1583384945.png","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6313","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/400"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6313"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6313\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/6314"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6313"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6313"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6313"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}