{"id":5820,"date":"2016-05-25T16:56:54","date_gmt":"2016-05-25T11:26:54","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=5820"},"modified":"2016-05-25T16:56:54","modified_gmt":"2016-05-25T11:26:54","slug":"december-blues-depression-heartbreak","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=5820","title":{"rendered":"Does December Make You Blue? Or Is It Just Me?"},"content":{"rendered":"\nI<\/span> tried to avoid it, I swear I did. I tried to run from it, throw money at it, even flirt my way out of our annual meet-and-greet, but it still managed to catch up and squeeze me in its cold, hard, cruel embrace, the sneaky little bas****. I\u2019m talking about December, of course, the soul-sucking final lap of the year that has this uncanny ability to make every thought, insecurity, and fear that I\u2019d carefully shoved into the darkest, unseen corners of my mind come tumbling out from their little iron cages and attach themselves to every waking moment \u2014 and many sleeping ones as well. December is like that lovely friend\u2019s exhausting <\/span>spouse<\/span><\/a>, the one you would otherwise cross the road to avoid, but enduring him with a smile glued in place is the price you pay for your friend\u2019s happiness.\n\nListen, I\u2019m happy for you, I really am, don\u2019t get me wrong. I wasn\u2019t pretending when I hugged you hard at your promotion party, or toasted your happiness at your wedding reception. I meant it when I sent you photo after excited photo of all the frenzied little raving notes I made in the margins of your latest book, or assembled the biggest diaper cake anyone had ever seen for your baby shower. I was glad I picked you up from the <\/span>airport<\/span><\/a> after your fourth international holiday of the year\u2026 I really wasn\u2019t. I\u2019m not envying your overflowing cup of life. Okay, maybe I am, but it\u2019s only a little, and I\u2019m already adequately ashamed. I just want you to know, it\u2019s not you, it\u2019s me. Don\u2019t dismiss it as a cliche, please. Decembers and I just don\u2019t get along.\n\nI\u2019m going to try and explain what it feels like, so you can maybe understand. It\u2019s like going to sleep on a satin silk pillow, expecting to wake up with soft, tousled <\/span>curls<\/span><\/a>, but somewhere in the middle of the night \u2014 you don\u2019t know why, how, or when \u2014 you flipped it with a burlap sack and now your hair is gnarly, full of static, and wild. And you tug, and you wrestle with the hairbrush but nothing works, and in the end, you\u2019re left clutching the broken handle while the paddle clings to a knot as big as your fist. December is that month.\n\nYou ask me to dress up and party, party, party, and I do; I blow off work one Thursday, because Friday is always suspect, and giggle with you as we try on ridiculous sequin dresses that cost too many thousands and cover too little. I buy one more stick of Ruby Woo that I\u2019ll never actually get to the bottom of because despite what everyone says it\u2019s just too darn red for daily use. But who cares, that\u2019s just what one does in December, after all! I dutifully ask people, \u201cSo, what plans for New Year\u2019s Eve?\u201d, because come on, you always know when they want you to ask, and frankly, it\u2019s just nasty to knowingly rob them of this life\u2019s simple pleasure. On some days \u2014 not always, but often enough \u2014 I even convince myself that I care what the answer is.\n\n

I look at all the happy, glittering, drunk faces at the million December parties we attend and wonder if there are other eyes that mirror the hollowness of my own.<\/p><\/blockquote> \n\nBut the truth is that even while I\u2019m there, laughing and shimmying in front of the mirror alongside you, I\u2019m not really, <\/span>there <\/span><\/i>there. I\u2019m not present, at least not in the way I usually am. It\u2019s like this thick curtain of fog separates me from you, and even though you can\u2019t see it, it\u2019s making it harder and harder for me to focus. Some days your face is a blur and your voice an echo. I once tried to tell you and you wondered if I was <\/span>depressed<\/span><\/a> and needed help. We guffawed and snorted over something silly the next week and maybe you thought everything was okay again and maybe I thought that\u2019s just for the best, and we never spoke of it again, and that was that. My mother rolls her eyes and calls it a case of melodrama-titis and, I\u2019ll admit, even I found it equal parts funny and hurtful. My secret, on-again-off-again therapist wonders if it is seasonal affective disorder but we\u2019ve discarded that explanation many times over \u2014 Mumbai\u2019s days don\u2019t get shorter, and my circadian rhythm has been painfully out of tune for well over 16 years now. That\u2019s just how it is with me and Decembers, I\u2019ve come to tell myself.\n\nI look at all the happy, glittering, <\/span>drunk<\/span><\/a> faces at the million December parties we attend and wonder if there are other eyes that mirror the hollowness of my own. I honestly can\u2019t tell. Is everyone really so delighted by the year that just went by, and waiting with open arms and bated breath, for the next one to crash in, or have we all gotten this scarily good at masking what\u2019s truly going on within? Are there others who go through December feeling like they\u2019re swimming in tar? Like you\u2019re kicking, paddling, and windmilling with all your might, but you\u2019re still not getting anywhere, goddammit?\n\nI don\u2019t envy you your successes, I envy your ability to celebrate them. While you\u2019re giving thanks for all the silver linings of the year, I\u2019m hypnotised by the dark clouds. Like a show reel of the lowest points of my year \u2014 an almost debilitating heartbreak, every missed opportunity, the most painful embarrassments, and my most acute failures \u2014 that\u2019re playing on loop in my mind, and I don\u2019t know how to get it to stop. And so starts another spiral of guilt and shame, because even as I\u2019m wallowing in misery, I <\/span>know<\/span><\/i> how much I have to be grateful for; how much worse it could have been, and how much harder so many others have it. If I told you the disappointments I was obsessing over, you\u2019d tell me I was a thankless, ungracious wench, and I\u2019d agree. I know, I know, I know, and yet I can\u2019t get the litany of self-directed criticism to stop.\n\nThere\u2019s 20 more days left to this blighted month, and if you\u2019re one of those hidden, haunted pairs of eyes at one of those interminable parties that are all beginning to merge into one another, laughing just a little too enthusiastically, singing an octave too high, to make up for everything you shouldn\u2019t be feeling and are, and everything you should be feeling but can\u2019t\u2026 you\u2019re not alone.\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Decembers and I just don\u2019t get along. While you\u2019re giving thanks for all the silver linings of the year, I\u2019m hypnotised by the dark clouds. Like a show reel of the lowest points of my year \u2014 an almost debilitating heartbreak, every missed opportunity, and my most acute failures \u2014 that\u2019re playing on loop in my mind.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":306,"featured_media":5821,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[107],"tags":[9748,1236,9749,559,1835,5155,7203],"class_list":["post-5820","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-pov","tag-blues","tag-christmas","tag-december-blues","tag-depression","tag-heartbreak","tag-sadness","tag-year-end"],"yoast_head":"\nDoes December Make You Blue? Or Is It Just Me?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Decembers and I just don\u2019t get along. While you\u2019re giving thanks for all the silver linings of the year, I\u2019m hypnotised by the dark clouds. Like a show reel of the lowest points of my year \u2014 an almost debilitating heartbreak, every missed opportunity, and my most acute failures \u2014 that\u2019re playing on loop in my mind.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=5820\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Does December Make You Blue? Or Is It Just Me?\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Decembers and I just don\u2019t get along. While you\u2019re giving thanks for all the silver linings of the year, I\u2019m hypnotised by the dark clouds. Like a show reel of the lowest points of my year \u2014 an almost debilitating heartbreak, every missed opportunity, and my most acute failures \u2014 that\u2019re playing on loop in my mind.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=5820\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Arr\u00e9\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2016-05-25T11:26:54+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/1576050875.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1520\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"850\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Sonali Kokra\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:title\" content=\"Does December Make You Blue? Or Is It Just Me?\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:description\" content=\"Decembers and I just don\u2019t get along. While you\u2019re giving thanks for all the silver linings of the year, I\u2019m hypnotised by the dark clouds. Like a show reel of the lowest points of my year \u2014 an almost debilitating heartbreak, every missed opportunity, and my most acute failures \u2014 that\u2019re playing on loop in my mind.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Sonali Kokra\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"6 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=5820#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=5820\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Sonali Kokra\",\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/467643c35de7aba9f94af624e4a1cc7c\"},\"headline\":\"Does December Make You Blue? Or Is It Just Me?\",\"datePublished\":\"2016-05-25T11:26:54+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=5820\"},\"wordCount\":1163,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=5820#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.207.105.184\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/1576050875.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"blues\",\"christmas\",\"December blues\",\"depression\",\"Heartbreak\",\"sadness\",\"year end\"],\"articleSection\":[\"POV\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=5820\",\"url\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=5820\",\"name\":\"Does December Make You Blue? Or Is It Just Me?\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=5820#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=5820#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.207.105.184\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/1576050875.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2016-05-25T11:26:54+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/467643c35de7aba9f94af624e4a1cc7c\"},\"description\":\"Decembers and I just don\u2019t get along. While you\u2019re giving thanks for all the silver linings of the year, I\u2019m hypnotised by the dark clouds. Like a show reel of the lowest points of my year \u2014 an almost debilitating heartbreak, every missed opportunity, and my most acute failures \u2014 that\u2019re playing on loop in my mind.\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=5820#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=5820\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=5820#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.207.105.184\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/1576050875.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.207.105.184\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/1576050875.jpg\",\"width\":1520,\"height\":850},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=5820#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Does December Make You Blue? Or Is It Just Me?\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/#website\",\"url\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/\",\"name\":\"Arr\u00e9\",\"description\":\"In every person lies a creator and in every creator, an enterprise.\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/467643c35de7aba9f94af624e4a1cc7c\",\"name\":\"Sonali Kokra\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/c77f3072d1ce1711927565d23ac41cbea9af9876dad957ed121a66cb4df2aab8?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/c77f3072d1ce1711927565d23ac41cbea9af9876dad957ed121a66cb4df2aab8?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/c77f3072d1ce1711927565d23ac41cbea9af9876dad957ed121a66cb4df2aab8?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Sonali Kokra\"},\"url\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.207.105.184\\\/?author=306\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Does December Make You Blue? Or Is It Just Me?","description":"Decembers and I just don\u2019t get along. While you\u2019re giving thanks for all the silver linings of the year, I\u2019m hypnotised by the dark clouds. Like a show reel of the lowest points of my year \u2014 an almost debilitating heartbreak, every missed opportunity, and my most acute failures \u2014 that\u2019re playing on loop in my mind.","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=5820","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Does December Make You Blue? Or Is It Just Me?","og_description":"Decembers and I just don\u2019t get along. While you\u2019re giving thanks for all the silver linings of the year, I\u2019m hypnotised by the dark clouds. Like a show reel of the lowest points of my year \u2014 an almost debilitating heartbreak, every missed opportunity, and my most acute failures \u2014 that\u2019re playing on loop in my mind.","og_url":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=5820","og_site_name":"Arr\u00e9","article_published_time":"2016-05-25T11:26:54+00:00","og_image":[{"width":1520,"height":850,"url":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/1576050875.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"Sonali Kokra","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_title":"Does December Make You Blue? Or Is It Just Me?","twitter_description":"Decembers and I just don\u2019t get along. While you\u2019re giving thanks for all the silver linings of the year, I\u2019m hypnotised by the dark clouds. Like a show reel of the lowest points of my year \u2014 an almost debilitating heartbreak, every missed opportunity, and my most acute failures \u2014 that\u2019re playing on loop in my mind.","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Sonali Kokra","Est. reading time":"6 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=5820#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=5820"},"author":{"name":"Sonali Kokra","@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/#\/schema\/person\/467643c35de7aba9f94af624e4a1cc7c"},"headline":"Does December Make You Blue? Or Is It Just Me?","datePublished":"2016-05-25T11:26:54+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=5820"},"wordCount":1163,"image":{"@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=5820#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/1576050875.jpg","keywords":["blues","christmas","December blues","depression","Heartbreak","sadness","year end"],"articleSection":["POV"],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=5820","url":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=5820","name":"Does December Make You Blue? Or Is It Just Me?","isPartOf":{"@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=5820#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=5820#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/1576050875.jpg","datePublished":"2016-05-25T11:26:54+00:00","author":{"@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/#\/schema\/person\/467643c35de7aba9f94af624e4a1cc7c"},"description":"Decembers and I just don\u2019t get along. While you\u2019re giving thanks for all the silver linings of the year, I\u2019m hypnotised by the dark clouds. Like a show reel of the lowest points of my year \u2014 an almost debilitating heartbreak, every missed opportunity, and my most acute failures \u2014 that\u2019re playing on loop in my mind.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=5820#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=5820"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=5820#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/1576050875.jpg","contentUrl":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/1576050875.jpg","width":1520,"height":850},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=5820#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Does December Make You Blue? Or Is It Just Me?"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/#website","url":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/","name":"Arr\u00e9","description":"In every person lies a creator and in every creator, an enterprise.","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/#\/schema\/person\/467643c35de7aba9f94af624e4a1cc7c","name":"Sonali Kokra","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/c77f3072d1ce1711927565d23ac41cbea9af9876dad957ed121a66cb4df2aab8?s=96&d=mm&r=g","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/c77f3072d1ce1711927565d23ac41cbea9af9876dad957ed121a66cb4df2aab8?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/c77f3072d1ce1711927565d23ac41cbea9af9876dad957ed121a66cb4df2aab8?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Sonali Kokra"},"url":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?author=306"}]}},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/1576050875.jpg","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5820","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/306"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5820"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5820\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/5821"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5820"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5820"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5820"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}