{"id":5583,"date":"2016-04-02T02:16:31","date_gmt":"2016-04-01T20:46:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=5583"},"modified":"2016-04-02T02:16:31","modified_gmt":"2016-04-01T20:46:31","slug":"modern-love-how-to-survive-a-long-distance-marriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=5583","title":{"rendered":"The Space Between Us: Finding the Beauty & the Balance in a Long-Distance Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I<\/span><\/p><\/div>

\n am sitting on the couch at the end of a long day. My <\/span>daughter<\/span><\/a> has gone to sleep in my mother\u2019s room. I\u2019ve showered, made myself a grilled mushroom sandwich and am ready to savour the next hour that I have to myself. There is a book I must finish but for now I choose a <\/span>Brooklyn 99<\/span><\/i><\/a> re-run because I desperately need some Jake Peralta sass. After a mild burst of endorphins course through me, I turn off the telly, brush my teeth, and settle into my book. I read until I am exhausted enough to forget that I am alone in bed.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>\n\nIt has been two years, four months, and a couple of days since my husband and I decided to live apart \u2013 in Dubai and <\/span>Bangalore<\/span><\/a>. The two of us had grown up, worked, and built our entire lives in Dubai, but after our daughter came along, suddenly things changed. Discontent overpowered me; a combination of boredom with a city that had nothing new to give me and a desire to do more with my life as a writer and mother. But he wasn\u2019t ready to leave yet. After years, he\u2019d finally landed a job that he loved. We both had valid points to stay or leave. Months of harrowing arguments and discussions led to what felt like middle-ground \u2013 long-distance marriage. I\u2019d move to Bangalore where my parents lived and he would come down every month.\u00a0<\/span>\n\nThe questions, advice, and judgment poured upon us. \u201cHow are you guys going to manage this?\u201d \u201cHave you thought about how this is going to affect the little one?\u201d Some of the words stuck and bothered us enough to reconsider but in the end it boiled down to wanting to try. We had lived apart for a year once before before we were parents. It had been a painful ordeal but that was a long time ago. I was counting on our acquired <\/span>maturity<\/span><\/a> since then to get us through now. We packed some boxes, inhaled, and crossed our fingers.\u00a0<\/span>\n\nToday, I can look each one of those intrusive, albeit well-intentioned, folks in the eye and tell them \u2013 Yes, you were right about everything. About how difficult it would be to hold ourselves together as a family. About how distance can amplify misunderstandings enough to turn lovers into <\/span>strangers<\/span><\/a>.\u00a0<\/span>\n\nIn the first few months of the move, we did good. The thrill of discovering a new city together, making new friends and planning spontaneous <\/span>getaways<\/span><\/a> every time he visited rejuvenated us. Our joint priority of ensuring minimal impact on the child rooted us together.\u00a0<\/span>\n\n

The thrill of discovering a new city together, making new friends and planning spontaneous getaways every time he visited rejuvenated us.<\/p><\/blockquote> \n\nPerhaps it was this very concern that began taking a toll on the idea of \u201cus\u201d. I began to see him more as the father of my child than my husband. My <\/span>conversations<\/span><\/a> with him revolved around her routine as an effort to compensate for what he was missing out on. I would then passive-aggressively rub details in his face to show how difficult it was to manage the parenting load when he wasn\u2019t around.\u00a0<\/span>\n\nI resented him for telling me, \u201cIf you\u2019re struggling, come back.\u201d It wasn\u2019t fair for him to still have pieces of our former life together to cling on to while I bobbed about in an unfamiliar ocean of chaos. Of course I\u2019d sailed to this ocean on my own accord but where\u2019s the fun in <\/span>blaming yourself<\/span><\/a>?<\/span>\n\nEven when we came together, we didn\u2019t quite know where to pick up from. We weren\u2019t bound by routines. I did everything when he wasn\u2019t around and when he came down, he was suddenly the hero in my <\/span>daughter<\/span><\/a>\u2019s eyes, the parent showering her with presents and fun outings.\u00a0<\/span>\n\nI wish we\u2019d been better at fighting at that point. But the worst part about being apart is losing the luxury of slamming a door in your <\/span>spouse<\/span><\/a>\u2019s face. I stuffed a lot of my anger into a black hole within me . Only it didn\u2019t stay there. Some days it boiled out and poured all over my poor kid and on others, I recycled it with a fresh purpose and hurled it back at him.\u00a0<\/span>\n\nIt was physical intimacy that came through when words failed. Sex reminded us that we were more than just two bickering parents in a transcontinental <\/span>relationship<\/span><\/a>. Whenever I felt stretched like an about-to-snap rubber band, his warmth pacified me. Despite the countless issues we had to resolve, being together in bed gave us the right kind of amnesia.<\/span>\n\n

Sex reminded us that we were more than just two bickering parents in a transcontinental relationship.<\/p><\/blockquote> \n\nIt has been two years, four months and a couple of days since we took the leap. At this point, we don\u2019t know how much longer we will go on like this for. But we\u2019ve learnt from our mistakes and have worked hard to set up rules to keep us afloat, the most important one being that we won\u2019t stay apart for more than a month. When I\u2019m mad at him, I tell him exactly why, even if it means listening to how some of it is my fault as well.\u00a0<\/span>\n\nThere are no daily \u201cI Love you\u201d declarations but mostly we end our days connecting with stories and a reassuring kindness. I listen to him talk about how well he is doing at work and don\u2019t feel a pang of envy when he shares that he\u2019s going out with our friends. He asks about my yoga class, writing, and the street dogs that I feed. We pay attention to each other\u2019s voices \u2013 to scrape away pretensions and tell the difference between being dull, sad or just tired.\u00a0<\/span>\n\nWe share songs that remind us of each other. Funny animal videos help too.\u00a0<\/span>\n\nAs we sleep in separate beds, miles apart, thrust into our own individual struggles \u2013 him dealing with the frustration of living apart from us and me with powering on in <\/span>single-parent<\/span><\/a> mode, loneliness overpowers us. Phone calls and Skype can only achieve so much. I want to be able to complain to him about an irritating lady at the grocery store. I want to have a shoulder to cry on at my disposal. I want to not have my heart break every time I watch his suitcase roll away on the day he has to leave.\u00a0<\/span>\n\nDo we regret the decision? Sometimes yes but mostly no. As much as we\u2019ve been wrung out of patience, this has been our most courageous effort as a couple.<\/span>\n\nOf all the lessons I\u2019ve learnt, the most important one is that love isn\u2019t enough. At some point, the fizz of romance and comfort of a family doesn\u2019t fully cut it and the heart starts crystallizing goals for itself. You start seeing more of what works for \u201cyou\u201d and not \u201cus\u201d and while I still struggle to define this term, I can tell you what others call it \u2013 being selfish. What both of us are doing right now is being true to our own intentions for a greater bliss.\u00a0<\/span>\n\nOur marriage has turned into a Dali painting \u2013 marvellous but bizarre. It is far from perfect and makes little sense but we\u2019re quite alright with that. We\u2019re an unconventional work-in-progress; getting better, sometimes worse, but never stagnating.<\/span>\n\nNext month is our eleventh wedding anniversary. For the first time in a while, it is going to be me taking him out for a fancy meal with my hard-earned savings as a writer. For a few hours, the world will shrink to include just us and a pleasant waiter refilling my glass. When we leave, he will curl his arm around my waist like how he has always done from the day we met. And I will take comfort in knowing that no matter how much things change between us, we will somehow make it.<\/span>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

As my husband and I sleep in separate beds, miles apart, thrust into our own individual struggles, loneliness overpowers us. Phone calls and Skype can only achieve so much. We\u2019ve been wrung out of patience, yes, but this has been our most courageous effort as a couple.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":350,"featured_media":5584,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[954,2229,21,228],"class_list":["post-5583","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-love-and-sex","tag-daughter","tag-long-distance-relationship","tag-marriage","tag-relationship"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Space Between Us: Finding the Beauty & the Balance in a Long-Distance Marriage<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"As my husband and I sleep in separate beds, miles apart, thrust into our own individual struggles, loneliness overpowers us. 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