{"id":5321,"date":"2016-06-21T09:14:10","date_gmt":"2016-06-21T03:44:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=5321"},"modified":"2016-06-21T09:14:10","modified_gmt":"2016-06-21T03:44:10","slug":"why-are-indians-obsessed-with-the-idea-of-a-complete-family","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=5321","title":{"rendered":"Mum + Dad + Beta + Beti: Why Are Indians Obsessed With the Idea of a \u201cComplete Family\u201d?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

A<\/span><\/p><\/div>

\n few years ago, I boldly went where few modern <\/span>mothers<\/span><\/a> had gone before \u2013 into the murky realm of second motherhood. When I gave birth to my second child, the words I heard most often from friends and family were, \u201cCongratulations! Your family is complete!\u201d My first child was a girl (woe betide me) and my second, a bonny baby boy. I had done something fantastic and achieved the apparently \u201cperfect Indian combination\u201d of children \u2013 one boy and one girl.<\/span>\n\nJudging by the overly effervescent <\/span>greetings<\/span><\/a> from of my most well-wishers, I am delighted to report that my family can now be classified as \u201chaving all the necessary or appropriate parts\u201d, as per the dictionary definition of complete.<\/span>\n\nThis underhanded compliment left me astounded. Did it mean my little nuclear unit was incomplete all these days? Were we missing limbs, brains, or parts of our <\/span>hearts<\/span><\/a>? And what about all those numerous families in the world that don\u2019t have one girl and one boy \u2013 are they also incomplete, insufficient, inadequate, lacking?<\/span>\n\nI am part of a so-called \u201cincomplete\u201d family myself, having one sister and no brothers. Growing up, the world regarded my parents with utmost <\/span>sympathy<\/span><\/a>. \u201cOh, you have no sons?\u201d they asked, their brows furrowed and lower lips swollen. Those who didn\u2019t look like they were consoling my mother after great bereavement came across as completely incredulous, as if my mother had a son tucked away in her pallu all along and was just waiting to whip him out with a joyous \u201cTa-da!\u201d<\/span>\n\nTo these so-called well-wishers, this grievous lack of a male sibling ruined all our lives, at least in their <\/span>imaginations<\/span><\/a>. But guess how we\u2019re doing with just the two of us? Hint: it\u2019s the opposite of depressing.<\/span>\n\nThe phrase also left me wondering whether in a country like ours, if a family with two sons is considered \u201cincomplete\u201d. Would friends and acquaintances hound the new parents and prod them to have <\/span>daughters<\/span><\/a>? Probably not, because that\u2019s two <\/span>boys<\/span><\/i> we\u2019re talking about. Those precious, Y-chromosome-bearers without whom parents can\u2019t perpetuate the \u201cfamily name\u201d, without whom they can\u2019t designate an heir to take over the business, even if the daughters show more of an entrepreneurial streak.\u00a0<\/span>\n\nMy husband explained away the \u201ccomplete\u201d family logic saying that the word acts as shorthand for a family that can boast a sex ratio of an even 50-50. Clearly, people cannot <\/span>compliment<\/span><\/a> us saying, \u201cCongratulations for having one of each!\u201d and therefore substitute the pithy \u201cCongratulations, your family\u2019s complete!\u201d<\/span>\n\n

The phrase also left me wondering whether in a country like ours, if a family with two sons is considered \u201cincomplete\u201d. <\/p><\/blockquote> \n\nI rolled my eyes at this explanation. By that logic, families like the Obamas and the Clintons are incomplete. Bet they didn\u2019t know that. And on the other hand, here\u2019s an example of a complete family: Mrs Sonia Gandhi and co. #JustSayin\u2019<\/span>\n\nIndians would be alarmed to know that in other parts of the world the perfect combination of children is actually two girls! British parenting website Bounty ran <\/span>a survey<\/span><\/a> of more than 2,000 parents and discovered that the so-called boy-girl combination ranks second in the list. Methinks my fellow citizens would pooh-pooh this finding.\u00a0<\/span>\n\nClearly the Brits don\u2019t know what we do \u2013 one boy and one girl is the best, but if you can\u2019t have that, then the degree of completeness of your family is directly proportional to the number of boys in it. Just ask the studs of <\/span>Haryana<\/span><\/a>, the state boasting the lowest sex ratio.<\/span>\n\nEven without a brother of my own, I\u2019ve always considered my little unit of my <\/span>parents<\/span><\/a>, my sister and me as a complete family. But, hey, you might not be sure if yours is or not. Here are a few combinations of children that will tell you whether your family is truly \u201ccomplete\u201d:<\/span>\n1. One boy\n2. One girl\n3. Two boys\n4. Two girls\n5. No girls!\n6. No boys!\n\nHere\u2019s the thing: no matter what combination of children you have, or whether you have any children or not, your family\u2019s complete when <\/span>you<\/span><\/i> say it\u2019s so, and when <\/span>you\u2019re<\/span><\/i> happy.\u00a0<\/span>\n\nIn our culture, the minute a couple tie the nuptial knot, their kith and kin descend upon them and start meaningfully prodding them in the ribs to demand a baby. When they\u2019ve had one, the family begin chasing them for the second one. Thank God for the \u201cHum do, humare do\u201d slogans and <\/span>overpopulation<\/span><\/a> problems, or else this would continue ad infinitum.\u00a0<\/span>\n\nRepeat it with me: my family\u2019s complete when <\/span>I <\/span><\/i>say it\u2019s so. Got that? Good. Now I\u2019m off to have dinner with my complete <\/span>family<\/span><\/a>, you plebs.<\/span>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The minute a couple tie the nuptial knot, their relatives descend upon them and start demanding a baby. When they\u2019ve had one, the family begins chasing them for the second one. Thank God for the \u201cHum do, humare do\u201d slogans and overpopulation problems, or else this would continue ad infinitum.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":363,"featured_media":5322,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[107],"tags":[9068,18,9069,6494,3982,243,9070],"class_list":["post-5321","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-pov","tag-complete-family","tag-family","tag-hum-do-humare-do","tag-indian-family","tag-indians","tag-mothers","tag-overpopulation"],"yoast_head":"\nMum + Dad + Beta + Beti: Why Are Indians Obsessed With the Idea of a \u201cComplete Family\u201d?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"The minute a couple tie the nuptial knot, their relatives descend upon them and start demanding a baby. When they\u2019ve had one, the family begins chasing them for the second one. Thank God for the \u201cHum do, humare do\u201d slogans and overpopulation problems, or else this would continue ad infinitum.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=5321\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Mum + Dad + Beta + Beti: Why Are Indians Obsessed With the Idea of a \u201cComplete Family\u201d?\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"The minute a couple tie the nuptial knot, their relatives descend upon them and start demanding a baby. When they\u2019ve had one, the family begins chasing them for the second one. 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Thank God for the \u201cHum do, humare do\u201d slogans and overpopulation problems, or else this would continue ad infinitum.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Gargi Mehra\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=5321#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=5321\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Gargi Mehra\",\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/427be22662e280efeadb0667d859f39c\"},\"headline\":\"Mum + Dad + Beta + Beti: Why Are Indians Obsessed With the Idea of a \u201cComplete Family\u201d?\",\"datePublished\":\"2016-06-21T03:44:10+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=5321\"},\"wordCount\":808,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=5321#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.207.105.184\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/1567504177.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"Complete Family\",\"family\",\"hum do humare do\",\"Indian family\",\"Indians\",\"mothers\",\"overpopulation\"],\"articleSection\":[\"POV\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=5321\",\"url\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=5321\",\"name\":\"Mum + Dad + Beta + Beti: Why Are Indians Obsessed With the Idea of a \u201cComplete Family\u201d?\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=5321#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=5321#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.207.105.184\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/1567504177.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2016-06-21T03:44:10+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/427be22662e280efeadb0667d859f39c\"},\"description\":\"The minute a couple tie the nuptial knot, their relatives descend upon them and start demanding a baby. 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