{"id":5097,"date":"2016-05-06T22:04:47","date_gmt":"2016-05-06T16:34:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=5097"},"modified":"2026-07-17T21:28:03","modified_gmt":"2026-07-17T15:58:03","slug":"k-pop-band-bts-army-mother-daughter-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=5097","title":{"rendered":"How A K-Pop Band Brought Me Closer To My 14-Year-old Daughter"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

\u201cM<\/span>om, do you think I\u2019ll ever meet Jungkook?\u201d\n\n<\/p>There was fervent hope in my 14-year-old daughter\u2019s voice, as she unplugged the perennially inserted <\/span>headphones<\/span><\/a> from her ears long enough to ask me this question. It helped quell the flash of irritation I felt as I mumbled a half-hearted, \u201cOf course you will.\u201d\u00a0<\/span>\n\n\u201cIs this her <\/span>ambition<\/span><\/a> in life?\u201d I complained to my husband later. \u201cWhile her peers are setting career goals, this is what she aspires to do: meet that fellow from that Korean pop band, BTS or something.\u201d My husband comforted me with his trademark optimism, reminding me that it was a teen phase at best; he told me not to get so worked up. \u201cShe\u2019ll get over it,\u201d he offered.<\/span>\n\nExcept, she didn\u2019t. Over the course of the coming year, her obsession with BTS showed no signs of waning. Instead, it intensified. She would come home from <\/span>school<\/span><\/a>, looking sullen, and confine herself to her room. In would go those infernal headphones, as she shut herself once again from us and the world at large. My annoyance with her K-pop band gradually gave way to concern. Something wasn\u2019t right and I needed to find out what that was.<\/span>\n\nMy initial attempts at probing didn\u2019t yield much. She\u2019d keep telling me she was fine and brushing off my requests. Then one day, the dam broke. That day she came home looking more distraught than usual. As it turns out, she was being bullied at school. It had been going on for quite a while, and centered around her being \u201ctoo thin.\u201d And given how important <\/span>body image<\/span><\/a> is in one\u2019s teens, it was proving devastating for my daughter. \u201cWhy didn\u2019t you tell me earlier?\u201d I gently asked her, pulling her close, my heart breaking at her obvious pain. \u201cIt would only have made it worse. I\u2019d get called a wimp, in addition to everything else,\u201d she sobbed. I understood her predicament. How could I not? I\u2019d been there myself in my teens and I had told no one either.<\/span>\n

When my daughter felt devalued by her bullies, she turned to this band for guidance and to realise that her true value was intrinsic.<\/blockquote>\nThe next few days saw me and my husband having several meetings with my daughter\u2019s school principal. Before we knew it, my daughter\u2019s bullies had already tendered their apologies to her. As it unsurprisingly turned out, they hadn\u2019t even realised just how deeply their behaviour had been hurting her. But even then, it took time and counselling for my daughter to revert to her cheerful self. She\u2019d been under stress for so long that even after the bullying stopped, she\u2019d still suffer bouts of <\/span>anxiety<\/span><\/a>.\u00a0<\/span>\n\nI still distinctly remember something my daughter told her <\/span>therapist<\/span><\/a> during her first counselling session that nearly knocked my socks off. While recounting her ordeal to the therapist, she let slip that the only thing that kept her functional during all the bullying was BTS, a South Korean boy band. In my head, I\u2019d compartmentalised that band as little more than nonsense. But to my daughter, that very band was a lifeline. That day, I could see my daughter\u2019s body language change and her eyes shine as she kept talking about the band and how their songs preach self-love and inclusivity, \u201cThe best part is, that they have been there themselves. They know what they\u2019re talking about. Suga has had such a hard life. Did you know that he was once suicidal? He shares his journey so openly through his songs.\u201d\u00a0<\/span>\n\nWhen my daughter felt devalued by her bullies, she turned to this band for guidance and to realise that her true value was intrinsic. \u201cThat\u2019s their constant message to the ARMY (that\u2019s what BTS call their fans), that all of us \u2013 regardless of our skin colour, gender, identity, or <\/span>sexual orientation<\/span><\/a> \u2013 add value to the world, that all of our voices matter.\u201d<\/span>\n\nI kept reflecting on her words long after the counselling session ended and couldn\u2019t help but feel a smidgen of guilt. As <\/span>parents<\/span><\/a> we are so quick to judge our children\u2019s behaviour and choices. When they oversleep, we label them \u201clazy\u201d; when they shut out the world with their headphones, we label them \u201cself-absorbed.\u201d But that day I realised that what we often forget to understand \u2013 that our children are, after all, also trying to deal with an overwhelming world in their own way. Maybe, that\u2019s the part of parenting that we need to focus more on: where we listen to our kids and embrace their peculiar choices, instead of being critical of them.\u00a0<\/span>\n\n

\"kpop_bts_grammys\"\n

\n

BTS’ lyrics speak of issues faced not only by millions of teens across the globe, but also by the band members themselves.<\/p>\n

John Shearer\/Getty Images for The Recording Academy<\/p>\n<\/figcaption>\n<\/figure>\n\nThat\u2019s what I did, after years of dismissing my daughter\u2019s inexplicable obsession with a band as an indulgent distraction. I googled them and asked her questions about them. I can now tell you that BTS is short for Bangtan Boys and it has seven members. For my daughter, I\u2019m taking the time to actually listen to their songs. I might not bob my head to their music, but what stands out to me about BTS is that they don\u2019t talk down to their fans; they level with them. My daughter was even right about their songs: This is no vacuous fluff. Their lyrics speak of issues faced not only by millions of teens across the globe, but also by the band members themselves. Take for instance, their first single \u201cNo More Dream\u201d, it\u2019s about following one\u2019s dreams in the face of societal opposition. \u201cN.O\u201d on the other hand talks about the hardships the members themselves have faced and \u201cDope\u201d asks the number one question on most <\/span>millennials<\/span><\/a>\u2019 minds: \u201cWhy are you killing us before we can even try?\u201d The music is definitely not mindless, as I first assumed.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>\n\nMy new-found interest in BTS has had another unexpected fallout: It has helped bring my daughter and me closer. She\u2019s thrilled that I\u2019m showing interest in something that she holds so dear. And, it\u2019s nothing but a learning experience for me. As parents, we\u2019re trained to obsess over the differences between our <\/span>children<\/span><\/a> and us; we scrutinise their flaws, and stand in judgement of their choices \u2013 from the clothes they wear, to the friends they hang out with, and movies and music they fanboy over. It took an obscure K-pop band, who I had instantly labelled as trash, whose existence I would have never otherwise cared about, to teach me about the joys of taking an active interest in my daughter\u2019s likes. It took a band of boys with pink and blue hair to give me a chance to peek into my daughter\u2019s inner world. Who would have thunk?<\/span>\n\nThat said, we have our differences. And we have a lifetime to argue over them. Perhaps, we\u2019ll now do it over a BTS song.<\/span>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

As parents we are so quick to judge our children\u2019s behaviour and choices, often forgetting that they are also trying to deal with an overwhelming world in their own way. Maybe, that\u2019s the part of parenting that we need to focus more on: where we listen to our kids and embrace their peculiar choices. I never imagined that listening to a K-pop band would strengthen my relationship with my daughter.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":357,"featured_media":5100,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[439],"tags":[8697,8698,8699,8700,954,8701,8702,1772],"class_list":["post-5097","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-modern-family","tag-bangtan-boys","tag-bangtan-sonyeondan","tag-beyond-the-scene","tag-bts","tag-daughter","tag-family-bonding","tag-kpop","tag-mother"],"yoast_head":"\nHow A K-Pop Band Brought Me Closer To My 14-Year-old Daughter<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"As parents we are so quick to judge our children\u2019s behaviour and choices, often forgetting that they are also trying to deal with an overwhelming world in their own way. 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