{"id":4226,"date":"2016-05-17T09:14:32","date_gmt":"2016-05-17T03:44:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=4226"},"modified":"2016-05-17T09:14:32","modified_gmt":"2016-05-17T03:44:32","slug":"do-we-really-need-the-spark-to-make-love-last","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=4226","title":{"rendered":"You Are My Fire: Do We Really Need \u201cthe Spark\u201d to Make Love Last?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

W<\/span>e sit, our legs crossed, under a Shami tree. Back then dates were chaste because privacy, like priesthood, had to be earned. In between staring at thin air, we are talking like <\/p>robots<\/span><\/a>, the flatness is so unmistakable. It is a feeling both quietly agree on, but do not express. We have known each other for years, and every time we think there must be more to us, it turns out there isn\u2019t. After we part, we don\u2019t talk for months. <\/span>\n\nLike everyone else, I grew up watching films, reading books, and listening to stories that eulogised the firsts of <\/span>love<\/span><\/a>. \u201cFirst meeting\u201d, \u201cfirst eye-contact\u201d, \u201cfirst kiss\u201d and so on. Each of these was in the aftermath, regarded as quantifiers for a vague indefinable feeling called the \u201cspark\u201d. <\/span>\n\nIn <\/span>The English Patient<\/span><\/i>, Michael Ondaatje wrote, \u201cNew <\/span>lovers<\/span><\/a> are nervous and tender, but smash everything.\u201d This has occupied the modern imagination as if it were a holy scripture. Smashing here probably refers to intense first encounters \u2013 quarrels, embarrassments, arguments, lust, and even the odd violent turn. Think of the many times Karan Johar\u2019s heroes have fallen for women at first sight. Bollywood has mined this mania for generations with various iterations of \u201cpehli nazar mein pyaar ho gaya\u201d. <\/span>\n\nThis near-sociopathic interpretation of attraction is still relevant today, albeit better dissected on shows like Netflix\u2019s <\/span>You<\/span><\/i><\/a> where a man stalks and permeates the life of a woman he is<\/span> obsessed with. <\/span>Tinder<\/span><\/a> is a technical manifestation of the first impression. Then there is the literary jargon that teaches you, \u201cfirst impression is the last impression\u201d.<\/span>\n\nThis is not to say that first impressions aren\u2019t educative, or cannot be decisive. But the language of our relationships has somehow come to be defined by goals, checkpoints, and anniversaries \u2013 conquests that are as numerically significant as they are emotionally hollow. Through my college years, I was daunted by the prospect of approaching women. Consigned to bear the burden of immediacy, my heart evaded <\/span>friendships<\/span><\/a> while my mind evaded love, all because I was bent on identifying at least one, unprepared to submit to the possibilities in between. On the off chance when I did not want to choose either, and take my time, I was forced to choose, anyway.<\/span>\n

This is not to say that first impressions aren\u2019t educative, or cannot be decisive.<\/blockquote>\nLove is often a tedious thing to discuss, define, or dissect. It is, to me, a tragedy that, like a dead body, lies copiously unexamined in the cellars of our life, waiting to reveal itself as alive for as long as we have ourselves convinced that it is. And popular culture, with its focus on the firsts or seconds of a <\/span>relationship<\/span><\/a>, tries to tell us they count for more than the ones that follow. <\/span>\n\nThere is always asymmetry to a relationship, a little jaggedness that people, over time, make space to accommodate \u2013 a process that begins after the elation of favourable first impressions. But pop culture says precious little about what follows. With the exception, most recently of <\/span>Sairat<\/span><\/i><\/a>, rarely have films admitted this dissonance with real life, the fact that most relationships last, not necessarily because they begin explosively, but because they, over time, learn to crackle every now and then. <\/span>\n\nOur minds, therefore, cultured to seek the sensational, naturally abandon the indistinguishable. We refuse to wait, are disinclined to invest, and eventually, like a moist <\/span>summer<\/span><\/a> draught, kiss the surface before moving on. But think about why our friendships last: Because they are not pressed in the search for a state of a presumably combustible existence. <\/span>\n\nWhatever love is, it surely isn\u2019t something that can be regulated, measured or prescribed. It appears like a line skewering incomprehensibly across a page that yearns to derive from it some metric sense. Almost all our lives we spend trying to be that page, making sense of what that streak of light means or what that flash implies.<\/span>\n\nHowever, for love to last, or even be true, it need not be overwhelming. It need not be a spectacle. The curtains need not be on fire every night. Relationships that begin with a \u201cspark\u201d \u2013 physical, intellectual or <\/span>emotional<\/span><\/a> \u2013 have to dive through the same ocean of patience and wait, on the other side of which love is only as true as the length of the journey. \u00a0<\/span>\n
However, for love to last, or even be true, it need not be overwhelming.<\/blockquote>\nI have <\/span>grown older<\/span><\/a>, regretting the ways I abandoned relationships that did not tick my boxes of preference, or those that I quit because they didn\u2019t immediately respond to my demand for a feeling that had to be both urgent and exhausting. Over the years, I learned the beauty of simplicity, of doing precious little to coax, push, or help relationships qualify as one or the other. Because love, with time, overgrows the size of its many capsules, the heightened experiences we are taught to expect of it. It became, to me, the smooth passage of time, the gradual, seamless interlocking of paths without having to put a milestone where the two meet. <\/span>\n\nShakespeare\u2019s play <\/span>Romeo and Juliet<\/span><\/i> is known for its tragic <\/span>couple<\/span><\/a>. But in the bard\u2019s play there is also the unseen Rosaline, whose love Romeo demanded before falling for Juliet at first sight. I found Rosaline under the Shami tree \u2013 because we demanded nothing of each other.<\/span>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Like everyone else, I grew up watching films, reading books, and listening to stories that eulogised the \u201cspark\u201d, the firsts of love. \u201cFirst meeting\u201d, \u201cfirst eye-contact\u201d, \u201cfirst kiss\u201d and so on. How often to we give up on relationships because the elusive spark seems to be missing?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":137,"featured_media":4227,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[5736,1341,228,7619,7620,1051,7363],"class_list":["post-4226","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-love-and-sex","tag-lovers","tag-netflix","tag-relationship","tag-romeo-and-juliet","tag-the-english-patient","tag-tinder","tag-you"],"yoast_head":"\nYou Are My Fire: Do We Really Need \u201cthe Spark\u201d to Make Love Last?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Like everyone else, I grew up watching films, reading books, and listening to stories that eulogised the \u201cspark\u201d, the firsts of love. \u201cFirst meeting\u201d, \u201cfirst eye-contact\u201d, \u201cfirst kiss\u201d and so on. How often to we give up on relationships because the elusive spark seems to be missing?\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=4226\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"You Are My Fire: Do We Really Need \u201cthe Spark\u201d to Make Love Last?\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Like everyone else, I grew up watching films, reading books, and listening to stories that eulogised the \u201cspark\u201d, the firsts of love. \u201cFirst meeting\u201d, \u201cfirst eye-contact\u201d, \u201cfirst kiss\u201d and so on. How often to we give up on relationships because the elusive spark seems to be missing?\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=4226\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Arr\u00e9\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2016-05-17T03:44:32+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/1550747232.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1520\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"850\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Manik Sharma\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:title\" content=\"You Are My Fire: Do We Really Need \u201cthe Spark\u201d to Make Love Last?\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:description\" content=\"Like everyone else, I grew up watching films, reading books, and listening to stories that eulogised the \u201cspark\u201d, the firsts of love. \u201cFirst meeting\u201d, \u201cfirst eye-contact\u201d, \u201cfirst kiss\u201d and so on. How often to we give up on relationships because the elusive spark seems to be missing?\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Manik Sharma\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"5 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=4226#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=4226\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Manik Sharma\",\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/8964d05835d3b635d4a359a761d57a76\"},\"headline\":\"You Are My Fire: Do We Really Need \u201cthe Spark\u201d to Make Love Last?\",\"datePublished\":\"2016-05-17T03:44:32+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=4226\"},\"wordCount\":920,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=4226#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.207.105.184\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/1550747232.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"lovers\",\"Netflix\",\"relationship\",\"Romeo and Juliet\",\"The English Patient\",\"tinder\",\"you\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Love and Sex\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=4226\",\"url\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=4226\",\"name\":\"You Are My Fire: Do We Really Need \u201cthe Spark\u201d to Make Love Last?\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=4226#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=4226#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.207.105.184\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/1550747232.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2016-05-17T03:44:32+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/8964d05835d3b635d4a359a761d57a76\"},\"description\":\"Like everyone else, I grew up watching films, reading books, and listening to stories that eulogised the \u201cspark\u201d, the firsts of love. \u201cFirst meeting\u201d, \u201cfirst eye-contact\u201d, \u201cfirst kiss\u201d and so on. How often to we give up on relationships because the elusive spark seems to be missing?\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=4226#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=4226\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=4226#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.207.105.184\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/1550747232.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.207.105.184\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/1550747232.jpg\",\"width\":1520,\"height\":850},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=4226#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"You Are My Fire: Do We Really Need \u201cthe Spark\u201d to Make Love Last?\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/#website\",\"url\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/\",\"name\":\"Arr\u00e9\",\"description\":\"In every person lies a creator and in every creator, an enterprise.\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/8964d05835d3b635d4a359a761d57a76\",\"name\":\"Manik Sharma\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/11b5179257edb242d630c554e7f7b75fa4e35c1e6151c9c7d8f12d92e937bc08?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/11b5179257edb242d630c554e7f7b75fa4e35c1e6151c9c7d8f12d92e937bc08?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/11b5179257edb242d630c554e7f7b75fa4e35c1e6151c9c7d8f12d92e937bc08?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Manik Sharma\"},\"url\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.207.105.184\\\/?author=137\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"You Are My Fire: Do We Really Need \u201cthe Spark\u201d to Make Love Last?","description":"Like everyone else, I grew up watching films, reading books, and listening to stories that eulogised the \u201cspark\u201d, the firsts of love. \u201cFirst meeting\u201d, \u201cfirst eye-contact\u201d, \u201cfirst kiss\u201d and so on. How often to we give up on relationships because the elusive spark seems to be missing?","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=4226","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"You Are My Fire: Do We Really Need \u201cthe Spark\u201d to Make Love Last?","og_description":"Like everyone else, I grew up watching films, reading books, and listening to stories that eulogised the \u201cspark\u201d, the firsts of love. \u201cFirst meeting\u201d, \u201cfirst eye-contact\u201d, \u201cfirst kiss\u201d and so on. How often to we give up on relationships because the elusive spark seems to be missing?","og_url":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=4226","og_site_name":"Arr\u00e9","article_published_time":"2016-05-17T03:44:32+00:00","og_image":[{"width":1520,"height":850,"url":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/1550747232.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"Manik Sharma","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_title":"You Are My Fire: Do We Really Need \u201cthe Spark\u201d to Make Love Last?","twitter_description":"Like everyone else, I grew up watching films, reading books, and listening to stories that eulogised the \u201cspark\u201d, the firsts of love. \u201cFirst meeting\u201d, \u201cfirst eye-contact\u201d, \u201cfirst kiss\u201d and so on. How often to we give up on relationships because the elusive spark seems to be missing?","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Manik Sharma","Est. reading time":"5 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=4226#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=4226"},"author":{"name":"Manik Sharma","@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/#\/schema\/person\/8964d05835d3b635d4a359a761d57a76"},"headline":"You Are My Fire: Do We Really Need \u201cthe Spark\u201d to Make Love Last?","datePublished":"2016-05-17T03:44:32+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=4226"},"wordCount":920,"image":{"@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=4226#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/1550747232.jpg","keywords":["lovers","Netflix","relationship","Romeo and Juliet","The English Patient","tinder","you"],"articleSection":["Love and Sex"],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=4226","url":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=4226","name":"You Are My Fire: Do We Really Need \u201cthe Spark\u201d to Make Love Last?","isPartOf":{"@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=4226#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=4226#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/1550747232.jpg","datePublished":"2016-05-17T03:44:32+00:00","author":{"@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/#\/schema\/person\/8964d05835d3b635d4a359a761d57a76"},"description":"Like everyone else, I grew up watching films, reading books, and listening to stories that eulogised the \u201cspark\u201d, the firsts of love. \u201cFirst meeting\u201d, \u201cfirst eye-contact\u201d, \u201cfirst kiss\u201d and so on. How often to we give up on relationships because the elusive spark seems to be missing?","breadcrumb":{"@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=4226#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=4226"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=4226#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/1550747232.jpg","contentUrl":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/1550747232.jpg","width":1520,"height":850},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=4226#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"You Are My Fire: Do We Really Need \u201cthe Spark\u201d to Make Love Last?"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/#website","url":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/","name":"Arr\u00e9","description":"In every person lies a creator and in every creator, an enterprise.","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/#\/schema\/person\/8964d05835d3b635d4a359a761d57a76","name":"Manik Sharma","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/11b5179257edb242d630c554e7f7b75fa4e35c1e6151c9c7d8f12d92e937bc08?s=96&d=mm&r=g","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/11b5179257edb242d630c554e7f7b75fa4e35c1e6151c9c7d8f12d92e937bc08?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/11b5179257edb242d630c554e7f7b75fa4e35c1e6151c9c7d8f12d92e937bc08?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Manik Sharma"},"url":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?author=137"}]}},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/1550747232.jpg","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4226","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/137"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4226"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4226\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/4227"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4226"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4226"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4226"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}