{"id":4193,"date":"2016-05-08T21:37:17","date_gmt":"2016-05-08T16:07:17","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=4193"},"modified":"2016-05-08T21:37:17","modified_gmt":"2016-05-08T16:07:17","slug":"when-your-boyfriend-cheats-with-your-best-friend","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=4193","title":{"rendered":"Heartbreak from Hell: When Your Boyfriend Cheats on You\u2026 with Your Best Friend"},"content":{"rendered":"\n\u00a0\n

Y<\/span>ou know how I know it is entirely possible for a person to curb their instinct for violence and walk away when all you <\/p>really<\/span><\/i> want to do is marshal all your energy into your knuckles and break the jaw of the person so that s\/he has no option but to stop talking? I know because I\u2019ve been there. A grand total of two times in my life, within a gap of seven minutes. The people whose jaws I wanted to break? A woman who was one of my closest <\/span>friends<\/span><\/a> at the time. And a man I was somewhat dating. <\/span>\n\nWeirdly enough, I don\u2019t remember how I found out that they\u2019d been sleeping together for almost the entire duration of our on-again, off-again <\/span>relationship<\/span><\/a>. Maybe I overheard someone gossiping about it. Or perhaps a mutual friend in the know finally had the decency to let me in on the secret that I alone seemed to be unaware of. All I remember is confronting the two of them, separately, on the set they were filming something on, and watching them both fumble to find words that would make them look less like the backstabbing weasels that they were. And I remember getting up and walking out before either could get to the end of the sentence. It was either that, or fracturing my knuckles with the punch I could feel bristling in my arm. <\/span>\n\nIt took several days for the flurry of texts and unanswered calls to wane. She wrote to me incessantly, trying to explain how the attraction between them had been instant and undeniable, how they had fallen for each other despite their best intentions, how it wasn\u2019t just sex. I heard, a month later, that their grand, star-crossed <\/span>love<\/span><\/a> story had lasted about three weeks. He, it seemed, could not \u201ctolerate how boring she was\u201d, now that he was forced to spend time with her outside the bedroom. After one more last-ditch failed attempt at making amends, she packed up and left the city. I almost felt sorry for her. That feeling passed very quickly, thankfully, like flatulence after spooning a giant glob of hummus in one\u2019s mouth. <\/span>\n\nIt\u2019s been seven years since I woke up to the astonishing realisation that friends \u2014 and I don\u2019t mean the ones we <\/span>call<\/span><\/i> friends simply because calling them acquaintances would be rude \u2014 are capable of acting like emotional <\/span>terrorists<\/span><\/a> and carpet bombing everything you know about friendship and the never-to-be-broken girl code.<\/span>\n

We fought, but never over dudes.<\/blockquote>\nAll my life, I\u2019d been blessed with a small but close group of friends who looked at my <\/span>crushes<\/span><\/a> and boyfriends as inanimate objects, just like I did theirs. They simply didn\u2019t register in our minds as sexual beings who may or may not be attractive. The thought of sleeping with any of my friends\u2019 prospective, current, or past partners elicited the same kind of response as the thought of eating escargots \u2014 I knew that people were capable of it, but it was unthinkable to me. It was a system that worked beautifully, because my small band of women friends and I coasted through life, knowing that we had each other as steady anchors in what were often violently turbulent romantic seas. We fought, but never over dudes. I didn\u2019t realise how rare that was, or how blessed we were, until my luck finally ran out. <\/span>\n\nWhen your boyfriend cheats on you, you feel <\/span>humiliated<\/span><\/a> and worthless. Few among us grow up with a healthy sense of self-worth enough to not wonder, at least secretly, if there was something lacking in you that made them stray. Your brain recognises how scummy they are, but your heart wonders why they didn\u2019t love you enough to stop themselves from acting on whatever it was that made them take that first step. Being cheated on by a boyfriend or a partner crushes you, and can shatter your confidence, but it doesn\u2019t destroy you. Because with every romantic relationship you enter, that\u2019s a risk a small part of your brain files. You hope and pray it won\u2019t happen to you, but you know that partners and love interests sometimes cheat. <\/span>\n\nBut when a best friend cheats on you, more often than not, it comes out of the left field and knocks the wind out of you. No one makes a friend thinking that they might someday jump into bed with your partner, knowing better than almost anyone else, what that betrayal would do to you. And being cheated on by a best friend changes you, sometimes permanently. I will never not feel the involuntary frisson of <\/span>suspicion<\/span><\/a> every time a close friend flippantly uses a current partner as a yardstick for their own romantic interests, but it\u2019s a small price to pay, when weighed against everything that I\u2019ve learned in the years since. <\/span>\n\nIt changed me, and taught me lessons that were painful to learn while I was learning them, but ones I\u2019m thankful for, in retrospect.<\/span>\n
Being cheated on by a best friend made me a more suspicious, but also a more astute person.<\/blockquote>\nBeing cheated on by a best friend made me a more suspicious, but also a more astute person. Until that happened, I <\/span>trusted<\/span><\/a> far too quickly and completely, and floated through life in a bubble, believing that friends always have your best interests at heart. And when they don\u2019t, it\u2019s a mistake, not a choice. It taught me how to weed people out of my life more meticulously, but most importantly, it made me think long and hard, and be judicious about the people I call friends, and allow entry into my life. <\/span>\n\nIt\u2019s made me realise that there is a very specific kind of person who goes after their friends\u2019 partners \u2014 those that specifically want men who are off the market because taking what belongs to others is their way of feeling <\/span>valuable<\/span><\/a>. They\u2019re not rendered helpless by love, they are unable to deny themselves the thrill that comes with feeling, even if only momentarily, that they were irresistible to your partner and so that must mean they are better than you. <\/span>\n\nThis kind of person is always competing with those closest to them, because beating their friends is the only way to not feel worthless. For that knowledge, at least, I should remain eternally grateful.<\/span>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

When your boyfriend cheats on you, you feel humiliated and worthless. But when a best friend cheats on you, it knocks the wind out of you. No one makes a friend thinking that they might some day jump into bed with your partner, knowing better than almost anyone else, what that betrayal would do to you.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":306,"featured_media":4194,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[1252,7584,16,1642,22,7585],"class_list":["post-4193","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-love-and-sex","tag-best-friend","tag-betrayal","tag-boyfriend","tag-cheating","tag-relationships","tag-trust"],"yoast_head":"\nHeartbreak from Hell: When Your Boyfriend Cheats on You\u2026 with Your Best Friend<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"When your boyfriend cheats on you, you feel humiliated and worthless. 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