{"id":4161,"date":"2016-07-05T00:36:36","date_gmt":"2016-07-04T19:06:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=4161"},"modified":"2016-07-05T00:36:36","modified_gmt":"2016-07-04T19:06:36","slug":"to-all-the-misunderstood-dev-ds-weve-loved-before","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=4161","title":{"rendered":"To All the \u201cMisunderstood\u201d Dev.Ds We\u2019ve Loved Before"},"content":{"rendered":"\n\u00a0\n

D<\/span>ear <\/p>Dev D<\/span><\/a>s of our life (aka, Mr Basically Nice Guy, who just happens to be a victim of his circumstances), <\/span>\n\nHow is it going for you? Given \u201cgrowing the hell up, and getting your shit together\u201d a try yet? Or are you still drifting, from one <\/span>woman<\/span><\/a> to the next, tormented by your inability to find that one woman who will truly \u201cget you\u201d. The one who will trudge through treacle to save your sorry ass from yet another mess of your own making, and patiently shovel through the layers and layers (and there are many) of unpleasantness to finally discover that fabled heart of gold the world swears is hidden somewhere deep down, but hasn\u2019t been spotted since 1999? <\/span>\n\nI know, I know. You\u2019re just misunderstood. Or unlucky. Or both. Poor lamb, you. I\u2019ve heard you blame your father. He wasn\u2019t a \u201csturdy enough\u201d role model for you. And for some time, like everyone else, I blamed your <\/span>mother<\/span><\/a>. She didn\u2019t teach you how to respect women, I outraged. It was only when I finally stopped pining for you that my common sense woke up from its hibernation and I could finally blame the people on whose doorsteps the guilt lay: you and I. You for treating me like dirt, and me for believing I didn\u2019t deserve any better. <\/span>\n\nI have to admit, moving on wasn\u2019t easy. When you\u2019ve spent so much time yo-yoing between dizzying highs and depressing lows in your <\/span>relationship<\/span><\/a>, you get addicted to the drama. You were like my personal brand of heroin, a strain of pot grown just to sharpen the blade of my <\/span>insecurities<\/span><\/a>. <\/span>I<\/span> allowed you to treat me like I was created simply to absorb your rage at the universe for dealing you a bad hand. For far too long, I foolishly believed I was special, because you could truly be yourself only around me. It took a while for me to cotton on to the humbling truth that I wasn\u2019t special \u2013 I was easy. You were so secure in how destructively co-dependent our relationship was that you couldn\u2019t even be bothered to pretend to be nice. That\u2019s on me. <\/span>\n\nTo give you credit, you really did know how to turn on the charm and dazzle the world, on the rare occasions you felt like it. It only made you more irresistible. Being wooed by you, the bad boy that every woman I knew \u2014 available or taken \u2014 secretly harboured a <\/span>crush<\/span><\/a> on was thrilling. We believed you were a bad boy with a good heart, but by the time we figured you out, our confidence was in a shambles. <\/span>\n

How could you, an entitled man, have your way with women?<\/blockquote>\nThe Dev.Ds in our lives conform to stereotype \u2013 but they also spin out in different directions like a tentacled creature with a firm grip around our necks. <\/span>\n\nYou were the straight-talking, good-looking rogue who specialised in saying things that made people gasp. You had a type \u2014 sharp, opinionated, articulate women whose <\/span>self-respect<\/span><\/a> you could crush. I gravitated toward you for how utterly unintimidated you were by women who spoke their mind. Ironically, the things that you said attracted you to me were the first things you made it your mission to strip me off of. <\/span>\n\nWhen I think about us, it boggles my mind. I knew the trail of hurt, <\/span>heartbroken<\/span><\/a> women you\u2019d left behind you on your way to me, and yet I followed you like a hypnotised child tailing Pied Piper. <\/span>\n\nHow could you, an entitled man, have your way with women? I think I know the answer, finally. We wanted to be the ones who changed you. The ones who made your darkness evaporate, and who made you shed your bitter act. And we wholeheartedly believed the bitterness was an act, meant only to protect the vulnerability that lurked underneath, flashes of which you allowed only us to see every once in a while. You had perfected your <\/span>manipulative<\/span><\/a> mating dance. \u00a0<\/span>\n\nThe change in me was gradual. Turning into a nervous wreck was a process. But I can recall the dozens of times we got into screaming matches because you were suspicious I was flirting with someone new we\u2019d met; accusations that invariably ended with scathing comments about my sexual past. I tried to dismiss the <\/span>jealousy<\/span><\/a> as a sign that you cared too much. I should have run for the hills then, but for some godforsaken reason I didn\u2019t, which only allowed you to drill in the screws harder. I don\u2019t know when I decided it was easier to fold into myself than make you see reason. I kept my head low, and tried to attract as little attention as possible. It worked for some time, until you found something new to be furious about. You\u2019ve always liked the idea of being with a <\/span>strong woman<\/span><\/a>, not the reality of what that entails. <\/span>\n
Because it might be years since we last crossed paths, but your kind populates large swathes of the dating world.<\/blockquote>\nI thought about leaving often, but you had a sixth sense for things like that. And right before I could tell you it was over, you\u2019d give me just enough hope to falter and stay back. It worked like clockwork, until the day you decided there was nothing more left to break. I remember being shattered, but also relieved, when you finally walked out of my life. <\/span>\n\nIt\u2019s been so many years since we last met, Dear Dev.D. Are you wondering why I\u2019m writing to you? Are you feeling a little shiver of satisfaction, thinking that even today, so many years later, your exes long for you? I\u2019m not. Because it might be years since we last crossed paths, but your kind populates large swathes of the <\/span>dating world<\/span><\/a>. So no, Dear Dev.D, this is meant for the woman who is trying to fight off the horrifying realisation that her Dev.D story sounds eerily similar to mine. <\/span>\n\nDear Paaro and Chanda, if there\u2019s one thing you can believe, believe this: You\u2019re not going to change him, you\u2019ll only end up losing yourself. Run. Run as fast as you can. <\/span>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dear Dev.Ds, we fell for you; we wanted to be the ones who changed you. We wanted to make your darkness evaporate. But we should have known better. You were never going to change, and we would end up losing ourselves.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":306,"featured_media":4162,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[505,1834,1835,5736,228],"class_list":["post-4161","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-love-and-sex","tag-dating","tag-dev-d","tag-heartbreak","tag-lovers","tag-relationship"],"yoast_head":"\nTo All the \u201cMisunderstood\u201d Dev.Ds We\u2019ve Loved Before<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Dear Dev.Ds, we fell for you; we wanted to be the ones who changed you. We wanted to make your darkness evaporate. But we should have known better. 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