{"id":4014,"date":"2016-05-03T19:58:00","date_gmt":"2016-05-03T14:28:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=4014"},"modified":"2016-05-03T19:58:00","modified_gmt":"2016-05-03T14:28:00","slug":"kids-technology-parents","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=4014","title":{"rendered":"How I Lost My Kids to Technology (And Later Won Them Back)"},"content":{"rendered":"\n\u00a0\n

I<\/span>still remember those days. We strolled in the park clutching each other\u2019s hands. We snuggled together over cups of hot chocolate on <\/p>winter<\/span><\/a> mornings; summers were spent swimming or watching the latest blockbuster which would later be critiqued for flaws and strengths with the seriousness reserved for the national budget. We fell asleep in each other\u2019s arms and rushed to seek each other out when parted for more than a couple of hours. <\/span>\n\nI am not talking about a torrid <\/span>love affair<\/span><\/a> from my past. I am referring to those creatures sitting in the dark corners of my house, subsisting on my food, depleting my bank balance, and staring into glowing screens that take them into worlds that I am too afraid to question them about. They grunt when I ask them a question and grimace in pain when I ask them to move. They are my teenage children. <\/span>\n\nOne day you\u2019re the centre of their universe \u2013 and then suddenly, you\u2019re not. The world is too intoxicating a place for them to be yours forever, and rightfully so. Yet you\u2019re never quite prepared for the way <\/span>technology<\/span><\/a> steals them away from you from right under your nose. <\/span>\n\nIt can get a little lonely when they are sitting right in front of you, peering into those phone screens that cast a sinister glow on their faces and makes them occasionally chuckle loudly to themselves. Is it something harmless like a witty friend or something more sinister like a stranger trying to lure them into unspeakable acts? Like your kids, your overactive imagination is not your friend either. Asking them about what they are watching only leads them to clamp on some headphones and shut you out completely. If there was a way to snatch their <\/span>mobiles<\/span><\/a> away and destroy them like in the movie <\/span>Robot 2.0<\/span><\/i>, I would. Unfortunately, I live in the real world.<\/span>\n

The world is too intoxicating a place for them to be yours forever, and rightfully so.<\/blockquote>\nWhen the older one went away to <\/span>college<\/span><\/a>, I consoled myself with the thought that the innumerable internet-calling and messaging apps would make it easier to communicate with him, but I was disappointed. We called and messaged back and forth but mostly in mono-syllables. \u201cKhana khaya? Exam kaise tha?\u201d were the staples of most of my conversations with my son. The deep meaningful conversations I imagined remained confined to my head.<\/span>\n\nI can\u2019t really complain because my son and my daughter haven\u2019t become total strangers. We have meals together, we chat, we go on vacations together, but the connection feels superficial. I shouldn\u2019t complain because I was the same way with my <\/span>parents<\/span><\/a>, only I had my books and Walkman instead of a smartphone. Yet deep down, it\u2019s depressing to know that you\u2019ve lost a little bit of your kids. <\/span>\n\nYou never quite believe that that can happen to you. And yet, you\u2019re not the only such parent. I mustered up the courage to discuss this with one of my <\/span>friends<\/span><\/a>. His reply was simple. \u201cWhat are they getting from their phones that they are not getting from you?\u201d<\/span>\n\nThat blew my mind. Maybe I wasn\u2019t losing my kids to technology. Maybe I was losing my kids because of the way I had become. The <\/span>teenage years<\/span><\/a> are a hormonal and\u00a0tumultuous time but many times the tumult is controllable. I was quick to blame hormones and technology for isolating me from my children, but I had failed to monitor my own dialogue and behaviour which consisted mostly of platitudes, unwarranted lectures and monologues that began with, \u201cJab main tumhari umar ki thi\u2026\u201d Maybe, a change in attitude was in order.<\/span>\n\nIronically, I turned to technology to bail myself out. <\/span>\n\n\u201cWatched <\/span>Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri<\/span><\/i>,\u201d I messaged my son, one day when he was away at college, instead of enquiring about the usual grades, laundry, and food. He had developed a preference for quirky, offbeat movies that I mostly ignored, sometimes even poked fun at, because I didn\u2019t quite relate to them. What followed was a <\/span>phone call<\/span><\/a> \u2013 initiated by him \u2013 and a long discussion about all the movies that I should watch. It was a great start.<\/span>\n
Ironically, I turned to technology to bail myself out.<\/blockquote>\nIt got me wondering whether all the adolescent angst and generational gap that we experience is really about kids trying to find themselves amidst a maelstrom of physical and <\/span>emotional<\/span><\/a> changes. Or was it just the tremendous societal and parental pressure to perform on demand that is thrust upon them between the ages of 15 and 21? This is the age when children write the most significant exams of their lives. Unfortunately, this is also the time when parents become their most overbearing and fearful selves. In our effort to raise productive and successful kids, we often become the worst version of ourselves at a time when our children need the best from us. <\/span>\n\nI often get advice that parents shouldn\u2019t try to be their children\u2019s friends because they have enough of friends, and that they only have two parents. But I am beginning to doubt that. Friendship is the basis of all good <\/span>relationships<\/span><\/a>, including that between a parent and child.<\/span>\n\nThe summer following that chat with my son was spent watching and analysing a long list of movies with both my kids. There was no talk of exams or grades. It felt like a slice of their childhood was gifted back to me when discussions about movies merged with discussions about music, blogs, and books. Maybe swapping the smartphone for a smart TV wasn\u2019t such a smart idea, but at least now I knew what they were watching. We are taking baby steps to get to know each other again and we are talking about uncomfortable topics like sex, drugs, homosexuality and gender issues all thanks to the bold, unconventional programming available on platforms such as <\/span>Netflix<\/span><\/a> and Amazon. We are moving beyond the standard \u201cyes\u201d, \u201cno\u201d, and \u201ctheek hai\u201d replies. And funnily, I owe it all to technology.<\/span>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

One day you\u2019re the centre of your children\u2019s universe \u2013 and then suddenly, you\u2019re not. You\u2019re never quite prepared for the way technology steals them away from you. They sit, their faces aglow in the light of their phone screens, chuckling to themselves. Like my kids, my overactive imagination is not my friend either.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":179,"featured_media":4015,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[439],"tags":[375,1003,18,1341,1726,22,6098,119,5107],"class_list":["post-4014","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-modern-family","tag-amazon","tag-children","tag-family","tag-netflix","tag-parents","tag-relationships","tag-smartphones","tag-technology","tag-teenage"],"yoast_head":"\nHow I Lost My Kids to Technology (And Later Won Them Back)<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"One day you\u2019re the centre of your children\u2019s universe \u2013 and then suddenly, you\u2019re not. You\u2019re never quite prepared for the way technology steals them away from you. They sit, their faces aglow in the light of their phone screens, chuckling to themselves. 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