{"id":3908,"date":"2016-03-15T04:04:15","date_gmt":"2016-03-14T22:34:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=3908"},"modified":"2016-03-15T04:04:15","modified_gmt":"2016-03-14T22:34:15","slug":"me-too-bollywood-small-town-women","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=3908","title":{"rendered":"A New Wish for the New Year: #MeToo Must Reach Small Town India, And How Bollywood Can Help"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><div class=\"container page-content\"><p><span class=\"dropcap\">T<\/span><\/p><\/div><p> \n\nhis morning, during my early trawl through Twitter, I found a poetry page sharing a poem by someone who was named by at least three women when <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/gender\/angry-women-indifferent-men-india-metoo-moment\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">#MeToo<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> was taking India by storm. I took screenshot and sent it to friends. Patriarchy renders public memory short, they remarked. \u00a0<\/span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now that it has been a few months since the movement reached its peak, I can already see some of the<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/satire\/sexual-harasser-person-year\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> men who were named<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and who faced the consequences <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/gender\/shame-leave-or-how-sexual-predators-escape-consequences-of-metoo\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">roaming around<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> with a chip on their shoulders the size of Brazil. One such man thinks he is the victim because what he had done wasn\u2019t big enough. Another well-respected Indian-English novelist, who is sure to be named for all the big awards this year, had resorted to cracking rape jokes publicly during one of our discussions and feels no remorse for that, and continues to be popular.<\/span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The movement though, is still taking shape and has <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/pov\/why-has-metoo-scared-every-man\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">managed to scare men<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, I am not sure how many are introspecting, but that anyway might take a while. Which is why I think it\u2019s time to talk about places the movement couldn\u2019t reach, but needs to \u2013 the invisible, small-town India. <\/span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I was in Jabalpur, my hometown, when <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/gender\/angry-women-indifferent-men-india-metoo-moment\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">#MeToo<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> was happening. Growing up, I lived in a bubble of my own. Surrounded by colony members who behaved like family, I had a <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/modern-family\/indian-families-adulting\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">loving and oppressive unit<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> working all around me. <\/span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When you grow up in an environment where everyone is constantly watching you, you want to rebel. And <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/culture\/manmarziyaan-wrong-modern-love-tinder-arranged-marriage\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">rebel badly<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. In our small towns, hanging out with boys makes for a bad character. <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/pov\/chennai-smoking-ladies-cafe-cigarettes\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Smoking<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and drinking are out of question. And we don\u2019t ever utter the word sex. The <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/gender\/good-girls-indian-parenting\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">good girl<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> image is peddled like propaganda. Bad girls are the talk of the town. This is confusing and scarring. You tend to judge other girls who rebel and then it is your turn to do the same. <\/span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It is why when Bollywood shifted its focus to <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/pop-culture\/shaadi-mein-zaroor-aana-rajkummar-rao-kriti-kharbanda-bollywood-movie-review\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">small towns<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> we lapped it up. We accepted the rebellious girls of Hindi cinema because they were showing us ways of being modern, they were telling us we can be good people and do all the drinking, smoking, <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/social-commentary\/thou-shalt-not-sext\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">sexing<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> we want to do. And soon enough, that became a problem. <\/span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I have an old friend who, whenever we meet, starts talking about how \u201ccool\u201d her life is. By that, she means she goes to night clubs. Talks dirty. Cusses. <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/love-and-sex\/flirting-love-sex-tinder-dating-relationships-india\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Flirts<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> with random men with much bravado. Is part of WhatsApp groups with other women where <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/people\/porn-theatre-usher-mumbai-imperial-cinema\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">porn<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> is openly discussed. It\u2019s been a decade since her \u201cliberation\u201d, and a decade of non-stop talking about it.<\/span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">There is nothing wrong with all the things my friend does. But it bothers me that she thinks this earns her the cool tag. She is the very embodiment of the small-town prototype <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/humour\/movies-indians-theatre-people\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">modern cinema<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> has created. She has been pressured, by her peers and cinematic role models into thinking that she has to be wild in a very specific way. Or else, she won\u2019t be accepted. And I know several such women from back home who have fallen prey to this image. <\/span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I was once made to join an all-women <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/social-commentary\/whatsapp-message-fake-forwards-news-viral-parents-trend-media-social-media-facebook\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">WhatsApp group<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> filled with people I knew as a kid. It had women who acted exactly like the aforementioned friend. They all obsessively talked about how they smoke and drink, and how active their sex lives are. And the kind of \u201codd\u201d places where they have done it. Some of them too eager to prove their worth ended up lying and getting caught in the process. <\/span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A woman <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/love-and-sex\/do-people-really-have-as-much-sex-as-they-claim\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">mentioned having sex<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> in a train, somewhere in Europe. As she went about telling us the story, someone pointed out that the said train only had chair cars, and unless they lucked out and found the entire train to themselves, the story does not seem plausible. This, most definitely, embarrassed her, and led to a week-long silence from her. <\/span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This again, isn\u2019t this woman\u2019s fault. This is the fault of a culture, led by <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/gender\/tanushree-dutta-nana-patekar-sexual-harassment-denial\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Bollywood<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, that is telling these women that they aren\u2019t adequate enough, unless they do something only wild girls do. <\/span>\n\n<blockquote class=\"quote--center\"><p>Why is empowerment only achieved by emulating men?<\/p><\/blockquote> \n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The sexual liberation of women in cinema today is almost a gimmick. It started with <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/pop-culture\/welcome-to-the-bolly-patriots-club-kangana-ranaut\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Kangana Ranaut<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. In <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Tanu Weds Manu<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> she was a feisty girl who left Kanpur to study in the big city of Delhi, changed boyfriends more than clothes, smoked and drank with abandon, and cussed like there was no tomorrow. It was a great start. It was fun watching her do all of that. She was a novelty. <\/span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Tanu, however, spread like an infection in Bollywood. So now we have Kriti Sanon as <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Bareilly ki Barfi<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, Alia Bhatt as <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Humpty Sharma ki Dulhania<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, and Tapsee Pannu\u2019s <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/bollywood\/manmarziyaan-rumi-vicky-taapsee-pannu\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Rumi from <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Manmarziyaan<\/span><\/i><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. What these girls have in common are their rebellions against their small-town parents who want them to marry the safe, <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/gender\/india-good-boys-parents-girls\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">good boy<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. However, their \u201cmodernity\u201d doesn\u2019t extend beyond these limited rebellions. These girls hardly ever have any <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/pov\/indian-parents-career-paths-media-industry\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">career aspirations<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. They have no idea how their life will turn out to be. In fact, that is a thought they don\u2019t trouble themselves with. <\/span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">While there are major differences between these girls and say Kajol\u2019s Muskan from <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/bollywood\/o-o-jaane-jaana-salman-khan-pyaar-kiya-to-darna-kya\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Pyaar Kiya Toh Darna Kya<\/span><\/i><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, they still serve the same purpose. If Muskan was Madonna-esque, it was so that Salman Khan could fall in love with her. She is different, incorruptible, has principles. Which, in a world full of big-city bigdi hui ladkiyan, is alluring. She is very much defined by the <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/gender\/sexual-harassment-women-safety-eve-teasing-india-mumbai\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">male gaze<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. <\/span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The drinking-smoking-cussing girls aren\u2019t different in that regard. They are also for male pleasure. Men were earlier protecting <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/gender\/why-do-men-spread-their-legs-and-women-cross-theirs\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">female honour<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, are now taking care of the drunken girls. They enjoy this fantasy girl because she is exactly like them, only prettier. And, in the end, she will be domesticated. So, let her have her rebellions. They are cute. <\/span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In the small-town imagination, the idea of modernity is also borrowed from a hollow idea of how women in big cities behave. They are freer and therefore better. It lacks perspective and reeks of insecurity. This is my major grouse with the drinking-smoking-cussing girls. Where are all the well-rounded girls who have lives that are social and political, who have an aspiration outside the bottle of tequila? The women who have careers, are serious about them, take care of families in times of need, are compassionate and caregiving, but fierce and independent? Can flirt with men, <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/love-and-sex\/tinder-death-obituary-dating-apps-hinge-happn-grindr\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">have casual sex<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, drink, and smoke? And in the end, are self-reliant, even when in love.<\/span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This is why I think it is hard for us to have <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/social-commentary\/me-too-privilege-middle-class-india\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">small-town #MeToo<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. The limitations of this imagined modernity will always come in the way. The man who \u201clets\u201d his wife drink knows he can take that bottle away. We aren\u2019t teaching girls to live their lives; we are teaching them to live the supposed lives of big city girls. Having sex at will is different from the performance of a sexual life, and no one is having this conversation. And that is a potential cause for worry, because to say #MeToo you need agency; something you don\u2019t have.<\/span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">With the creation of these characters, Bollywood is setting small-town girls up for major failures. When girls in films were sanskari, it was also the small-town imagination. Now that they aren\u2019t that, the imagination is shifting. And I don\u2019t blame them for that. Cinema is a major window to the outside world for us. How is a small-town girl going to tell us how she was drunk and how a man molested her? The minute it is discovered that she drinks and smokes, she will become an <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/gender\/slut-shaming-schools-sexism-boys\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201ceasy\u201d woman<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, always up for grabs. In an absence of a much-needed conversation we aren\u2019t seeing how vulnerable we are. We don\u2019t know how to deal with <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/love-and-sex\/toxic-men-relationships-dating-twilight-sex-and-the-city-edward-cullen-carrie-mr-big-pride-and-prejudice\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">toxic men<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> or what constitutes a toxic nature.<\/span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It is also easy to replicate these cinematic beauties because all we know about them is how they act out, but not what they think, what they have been through, or why they are the way they are. When cinema tells us this is cool, we become that. At the end of the day, <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/grub\/urban-guide-surviving-just-anything\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">we are all trying to fit in<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, preparing for the day we leave our small towns, and be accepted when we cross its borders and enter the big city. <\/span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Cinema is giving us a hollow model to aspire to, but not telling us why we should be this way, nor are we questioning it. Why is <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/humour\/creative-briefs-ads-women-empowerment\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">empowerment<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> only achieved by emulating men? Cinema\u2019s not teaching our women to demand more, and not teaching our men to do better. But now that the conversation has started, can we please talk about these women who remain absent in our imagination, unless caught <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/humour\/quit-cigarettes-smoker-withdrawal\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">smoking<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, drinking, and cussing? They are not for our entertainment. They aren\u2019t there to feed into our false sense of empowerment. Let\u2019s talk <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">to<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> them, shall we? <\/span>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>In the small-town imagination, the idea of modernity is borrowed from Bollywood \u2013 the feisty Tanu from Tanu Weds Manu, the rebellious Rumi from Manmarziyaan. Where are all the well-rounded girls who are compassionate and caregiving, but fierce and independent? The limitations of this modernity will always come in the way of a small-town MeToo movement.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":185,"featured_media":3909,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[170],"tags":[2588,7239,26,710,2592,2402,5256,6300,7240,4774,735,3685],"class_list":["post-3908","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-gender","tag-metoo","tag-big-cities","tag-cinema","tag-feminism","tag-gender","tag-men","tag-patriarchy","tag-slut-shaming","tag-small-towns","tag-society","tag-women","tag-women-empowerment"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.0 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>A New Wish for the New Year: #MeToo Must Reach Small Town India, And How Bollywood Can Help<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"In the small-town imagination, the idea of modernity is borrowed from Bollywood \u2013 the feisty Tanu from Tanu Weds Manu, the rebellious Rumi from Manmarziyaan. 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