{"id":3840,"date":"2016-05-20T05:09:39","date_gmt":"2016-05-19T23:39:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=3840"},"modified":"2016-05-20T05:09:39","modified_gmt":"2016-05-19T23:39:39","slug":"what-bollywood-gets-wrong-about-friendships","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=3840","title":{"rendered":"Mujhse Dosti Karoge: What Bollywood Gets Wrong about Friendships"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

P<\/span><\/p><\/div>

icture this: It\u2019s the first day of <\/span>college<\/span><\/a>. You\u2019ve just bought a snazzy, new outfit that is totally out of your comfort zone. You wake up early, shower, doll up, and leave for college. You enter the college premises bursting with excitement and head straight to meet your best friend Rahul; you want to flaunt your new look. You expect him to take notice and appreciate you, but you become the laughing stock of the college \u2013 and your bestie is leading the lot. Of course, you\u2019re not allowed to be mad at Rahul for being a douchebag. Because, \u201cHe\u2019s your best friend, ya!\u201d<\/span>\n\nThis is a famous scene out of a film that prides itself in making us believe, \u201cPyaar dosti hai\u2026 Love is friendship.\u201d In <\/span>Kuch Kuch Hota Hai<\/span><\/i>, Rahul Khanna, the college stud who walks around in flashy tees and a \u201cCOOL\u201d necklace, is best friends with Anjali Sharma, a tomboy and ace basketball player. This \u201c<\/span>Best Friend<\/span><\/a>\u201d status somehow gives Rahul the power to treat Anjali like absolute shit. But Rahul isn\u2019t the only lousy BFF in Bollywood. There\u2019s Aakash, the brat from <\/span>Dil Chahta Hai, <\/span><\/i>who takes his \u201cgehri dosti\u201d with Sid for granted by belittling his feelings for an older woman. And who can forget yet another Sid for holding a grudge against Rishi for not failing with him in the college exams in <\/span>Wake Up Sid<\/span><\/i>? <\/span>\n\nSorry to burst your bubble, but that\u2019s not how real-life dostis unfold. <\/span>\n\nOver the years, <\/span>Bollywood<\/span><\/a> has fed us a template for all human relationships. And the emphasis has always been on \u201cdil\u201d and \u201cdosti\u201d, with everything else fading into an \u201cetc\u201d. Hindi movies convinced us that drifting apart from parents and lovers was inevitable, but friends were forever. Because if you believe the script, <\/span>friendship<\/span><\/a> comes without an expiry date. Your best friend \u2013 the Jai to your Veeru, the Rahul to your Anjali, and the Aman to your Rohit \u2013 is obliged to look past all your flaws and embrace you forever. <\/span>\n\nI grew up on Bollywood, and as a <\/span>teenager<\/span><\/a>, based a lot of my life\u2019s decisions on that of my friends. I chose science over humanities so that I didn\u2019t have to change schools and make new friends. Back then, I failed semester after semester, much to the chagrin of my parents but continued to trudge down the academic path I had no interest in, only because I got to see my best friends \u2013 my supposedly \u201cpermanent\u201d source of joy \u2013 every day.<\/span>\n\n

Hindi movies convinced us that drifting apart from parents and lovers was inevitable, but friends were forever.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\nPart of the problem was that I never made friends easily. My <\/span>dad<\/span><\/a>\u2019s stint in the army meant I flitted between numerous school and was always the \u201cnew girl in class\u201d for the first 12 years of my life. I was never popular, so I did not get much attention either. So when I met the two people who accepted me for who I was in the ninth grade, I clung on to them like a magnet. I also naively believed that we\u2019d never drift apart. I remember breaking down multiple times when I suspected that our friendship could be falling apart. And it ultimately did. <\/span>\n\nWhen I went to college a few years later, I thought it would not be very different from <\/span>Jaane Tu.. Ya Jaane Na<\/span><\/i>, where I\u2019d instantly have a group of friends who\u2019d stick by me through thick and thin. Except, forging friendships is not easy, leave alone friends <\/span>singing<\/span><\/a> \u201cKabhi kabhi Aditi\u201d for me, I found it difficult to even fit in. And by the end of college, I was far from nostalgically exclaiming, \u201cWhere did those three years go?\u201d <\/span>\n\nBy the time I opted for a post-graduation, I became adept at playing the female version of Edward Cullen \u2013 cold and distant, trying not to seek any romanticised versions of friendship. And it was then that I stumbled upon two of my closest friends. And despite my <\/span>insecurities<\/span><\/a>, I dove into these friendships with everything I had. Our friendship was far from perfect \u2013 we loved each other, yes, but we also had our differences. There were times we were there for each other and there were days when we were too preoccupied with our own lives. Our friendship wasn\u2019t without the flaws, it wasn\u2019t all-weather\u2026 it did get fractured. <\/span>\n\nAnd that\u2019s the side of friendship Bollywood forgot to show me. Hindi movies couldn\u2019t tell me that friendship \u2013 just like any other <\/span>relationship<\/span><\/a> \u2013 requires work. It is after all, a two-way street. I cannot expect my friends to be my backbone if I don\u2019t care to pause and think about their needs. And I definitely cannot expect my friends to be all forgiving, if I\u2019ve been an asshole to them. Here\u2019s a friendship lesson that Bollywood should have given me: My friends didn\u2019t owe me their friendship. I had to earn it. <\/span>\n\n

Our friendship wasn\u2019t without the flaws, it wasn\u2019t all-weather\u2026 it did get fractured.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\nOne of my best friends stopped talking to me for years because I was too critical of all her life choices. Another drifted apart because I\u2019d use our difference in opinions and political views as an excuse to launch into a triade. We went from completing each other\u2019s sentences to exchanging sporadic <\/span>texts<\/span><\/a> that reeked of formality. Unfortunately, no film tells you how to make up to your friends and that there is little hope of reconciliation. \u00a0<\/span>\n\nThe dissolution of some of my friendships gnaws at me incessantly, but I\u2019m only now, slowly learning to make peace with it. It comes with recognising the fact that every friend I make isn\u2019t defined by the bond they share with me. At the end of the day, our friendships really depend on the amount of effort we put in. Even Sid, Rishi, and Anjali had a limit to the crap that they could take from their <\/span>besties<\/span><\/a>. <\/span>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Hindi cinema made us believe that friends are forever and that dosti comes without an expiry date. But life\u2019s not all Kuch Kuch Hota Hai or Dil Chahta Hai. Friendship requires work and filmy fundas such as \u201cPyaar dosti hai\u201d and \u201cNo sorry, no thank you\u201d are flawed.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":316,"featured_media":3841,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3114],"tags":[1252,141,1712,1254,6649,136,228,1315],"class_list":["post-3840","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-bollywood","tag-best-friend","tag-bollywood","tag-friends","tag-friendship","tag-kuch-kuch-hota-hai","tag-movies","tag-relationship","tag-sholay"],"yoast_head":"\nMujhse Dosti Karoge: What Bollywood Gets Wrong about Friendships<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Hindi cinema made us believe that friends are forever and that dosti comes without an expiry date. But life\u2019s not all Kuch Kuch Hota Hai or Dil Chahta Hai. 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