{"id":3578,"date":"2016-05-31T19:03:50","date_gmt":"2016-05-31T13:33:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=3578"},"modified":"2026-07-17T20:36:59","modified_gmt":"2026-07-17T15:06:59","slug":"goodbye-dear-maruti-omni","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=3578","title":{"rendered":"Goodbye Dear Maruti Omni, Bollywood\u2019s Favourite Kidnapping Vehicle. You Abducted Our Hearts"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<div class=\"container page-content\"><p><span class=\"dropcap\">D<\/span><\/p><\/div><p>\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">ear Maruti Van,<\/span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I recently heard that your parent company was going to stop production of your beautiful body by 2020 and all I can say is \u2013 I have been sadder. Still, the news hit me between the eyes. \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now that the naysayers are done <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/pop-culture\/lost-art-trolling\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">trolling<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> you with the \u201coho, no more kidnapping will happen now, hehe huhu hasso na, kyun nahi hass rahe mere totally original joke pe?\u201d quips, we can finally take a minute to look back and process the fucking legendary legacy you leave behind. Our entitled <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/social-commentary\/millennials-job-work-culture-generation-gap\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">millennial<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> asses don\u2019t give you enough credit. We\u2019ve been so spoilt for choice with newer segments like crossovers, sub-4-metre sedans, and compact SUVs, that we overlook how there\u2019d be no Innovas, Ertigas and other MUVs had you not come into our lives with your weird, stolid proportions. <\/span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">After all, you were the original Indian minivan, an icon that represented the \u201980s and the great Indian joint family. Culturally, you were to us what the Volkswagen Type 2 was to Woodstock, the generation of \u201968, bad hygiene, and long-copy advertising. <\/span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When your sister, the <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/satire\/maruti-suzuki-swift-space-launch-announced-at-2018-auto-expo\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Maruti<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> 800 and you entered the relatively tame Indian car market in 1983-1984, the few Indian car owners at the time were affluent aristocrats or movie stars and one look at you made them want to hurl. Because back then, cars were supposed to be glamorous status symbols and the concept of boring, budget-friendly family cars was unheard of. Middle-class car aspirants like my dad could only hope to one day make enough dough to afford an Ambassador \u2013 and if he really hit pay dirt or became a Madh Island smuggler, we could have a Contessa or an Impala. But thanks to offerings like you, a year before I was born, my dad traded in his Yezdi and bought a spanking new Maruti 800. So thank you for coming around and putting middle-class Indians like my dad on the driver\u2019s seat.<\/span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">While the 800 inveigled its way into Indian life, despite its proportions as an oversized Leo Mattel dinky showpiece, you, the Omni, became the choice for any family featuring more than four people. \u00a0<\/span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Over the years, your tallboy, flat-front design has been a topic of much ridicule. But you\u2019re still <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/social-commentary\/tannishtha-chatterjee-comedy-nights-bachao-india-dark-skin-prejudice-fairness-products\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">beautiful<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> to me. Sure, they tried to give you \u201ccosmetic changes\u201d, facelifts etc over the years but why mess with perfection? That stubby snout in the front with the dead-inside headlights has scared countless society kids over the years. I\u2019ll always regret the times I walked the other way when I\u2019d see you with a bunch of men outside a dark gali. <\/span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I should\u2019ve been braver. I should\u2019ve known better than to trust fucking <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/gender\/womens-day-body-shaming-bollywood\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Bollywood<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. They gave you a bad rap as the choice of wheels of all abductors, but I don\u2019t think your intentions were ever fully understood. You\u2019ve always just wanted to use your 36BHP to full effect and put that 796CC engine to some good use. Whether that\u2019s for ferrying children to school or rushing an ailing being to the hospital. But no, all people want to do is make kidnapping jokes. Well, fuck people. <\/span>\n\n<blockquote class=\"quote--center\"><p>So what if your flat-front end lacks the structural integrity to survive a 20km per hour collision against a bouncy castle? <\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Maybe it\u2019s because we made some excellent memories together. I spent the entire summer of 2011 driving the Welfare of Stray Dogs <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/people\/world-heart-day-organ-donation-chennai-india\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Ambulance<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. Back then, 19-year-old me was confused, troubled and stressed about the fact that I had two KTs and a crush that didn\u2019t like me back. But driving you around different parts of Mumbai from 10am to 5pm made everything seem okay. Sure, your steering wheel felt like I was driving a Sanjay Water Tank and your non-existent seat reclining option gave me permanent lumbar tissue damage. But looking back, I had no business being over five-feet tall. Just see how happy I look!<\/span>\n\n<img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/1540896487.jpg\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-40991\" alt=\"Omni\" width=\"720\" height=\"540\">\n<figcaption>\n<p>Just see how happy I look!<\/p>\n<\/figcaption>\n<\/figure>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">At one point, I recall looking into the backseat of the ambulance and all the strays we were taking back to the kennel. \u201cHmm, could fit a lot of junk in that trunk,\u201d I thought, before chuckling at how ridiculous Black Eyed Peas\u2019 lyrics are. I\u2019m sorry for that joke. I am also sorry for listening to BEP. I think the fact that you didn\u2019t have an AC, coupled with the fumes from your engine might have made me delirious sometimes. <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/love-and-sex\/teenager-relationships-sneaking-in-girlfriends-house\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Teenager<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> me just enjoyed how the ambulance batti on top of you would get us free rides on the sea link and allow me to whiz through traffic even when there wasn\u2019t an emergency. I\u2019ll also miss how the kids would run helter skelter at the sight of us. The words, \u201cAmbulance wale bhaiya aa gaye! Baas maar raha hai. Bhaago!\u201d, still reverberate in my adult ears. Along with the sound of your godawful horn. Good times, Omni. Good times. <\/span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And now they want to discontinue you over some stupid safety reasons. So what if your flat-front end lacks the structural integrity to survive a 20km per hour collision against a bouncy castle? And that your brakes are to road-safety what the pull-out method is to <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.arre.co.in\/satire\/condom-ad-ban-children-india-sanskar-indecent\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">contraception<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">? You got stuff done, man, with zero emphasis on trivial shit like comfort or safety of passengers. Your tendency to turtle at literally any turn that the driver makes at a speed higher than 40km per hour is legendary. Cease production by 2020, my damaged ass! <\/span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Farewell, dear Omni. My dad tells me he used to borrow my uncle\u2019s Maruti Van to go to the drive-in theatre with my mom before I was born. Which is strange considering he already owned a Maruti 800. So chances are, I was one of the countless kids that were conceived in you. We\u2019ll always have that. <\/span>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Oh Maruti Omni, your stubby snout in the front with the dead-inside headlights has scared countless society kids over the years. But we should\u2019ve known better than to trust Bollywood. They gave you a bad rap as the choice of wheels of all abductors, but I don\u2019t think your intentions were ever fully understood.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":166,"featured_media":3581,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[107],"tags":[3518,6380,6761,6762,6763],"class_list":["post-3578","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-pov","tag-car","tag-maruti","tag-maruti-omni","tag-omni","tag-van"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.0 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Goodbye Dear Maruti Omni, Bollywood\u2019s Favourite Kidnapping Vehicle. You Abducted Our Hearts<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Oh Maruti Omni, your stubby snout in the front with the dead-inside headlights has scared countless society kids over the years. But we should\u2019ve known better than to trust Bollywood. They gave you a bad rap as the choice of wheels of all abductors, but I don\u2019t think your intentions were ever fully understood.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=3578\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Goodbye Dear Maruti Omni, Bollywood\u2019s Favourite Kidnapping Vehicle. You Abducted Our Hearts\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Oh Maruti Omni, your stubby snout in the front with the dead-inside headlights has scared countless society kids over the years. But we should\u2019ve known better than to trust Bollywood. 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