{"id":3556,"date":"2016-07-28T07:12:06","date_gmt":"2016-07-28T01:42:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=3556"},"modified":"2016-07-28T07:12:06","modified_gmt":"2016-07-28T01:42:06","slug":"women-need-to-stop-being-polite-to-predators-and-creeps","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=3556","title":{"rendered":"Why Women Need to Stop Being Polite to Predators and Creeps"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

A<\/span><\/p><\/div>

couple of days ago, a stranger stopped me on the street to pay me a compliment. In the course of a two-minute one-sided conversation, he suddenly hugged me. I didn\u2019t say a word, forget hitting back or screaming. I simply froze. When he began pestering me for my number soon after, I sheepishly jumped onto a running bus. As I took my seat, I couldn\u2019t reconcile with the fact that someone could so casually devalue <\/span>consent<\/span><\/a>. But what hurt me far more was my inability to respond \u2013 to give that man a piece of my mind, to ask him to leave me alone. Would I rather risk being run over by a speeding bus, than be rude to a potential predator? <\/span>\n\nThis isn\u2019t the first time I haven\u2019t hit back at a <\/span>harasser<\/span><\/a>. My politeness with men who hardly deserve any, has only added to the complexity of what I think constitutes as <\/span>harassment<\/span><\/a>. If anything, I owe myself an apology for many many years, just like a lot of women who blame themselves because they \u201cdid nothing concrete about it\u201d. In that moment, the creep becomes a much smaller issue than our refuge in politeness. My friends and I have taken turns to wonder about this conundrum on countless nights: Why are women nice to creeps?<\/span>\n\nI suspect it\u2019s because politeness is the only language that we have observed the <\/span>women<\/span><\/a> around us fall back on. It\u2019s what we have been taught to use since we were little girls \u2013 programmed to dilute the deluge of not only creepiness but also any sort of unpleasantness with meek smiles. My <\/span>mother<\/span><\/a> would always lock herself in her room when my grandmother\u2019s tirade got too loud. Her motto \u2013 like a great percentage of our mother and aunts \u2013 has been to \u201clet it go\u201d. I got so used to internalising this polite behaviour that over time, I forgot that I was allowed to respond differently. So when the molester in my family went about his business, I\u2019d feel disgusted, but still touch his feet for blessings in public. Like me, most of the women I know respond to the creeps populating their \u201cOthers\u201d folder in the same way \u2013 they either ignore it or laugh it off. We rarely confront our transgressors and even women who do, often spare a thought for their feelings, even though we aren\u2019t mandated to. <\/span>\n\nThink about it: A common trope in the Indian household is discrediting bad, often inappropriate, behaviour with iterations of \u201cArr\u00e9 , woh toh bhai hai\u201d or \u201cUncleji se aise baat karte hai?\u201d Growing up, we\u2019ve been repeatedly led to believe that our own sense of being lies at the lowest rung of the ladder; that we must respect and bow before everybody but ourselves. So what if a stranger elbowed my breast? I am not going to disrupt an entire auto line over it, right? For far too long, we\u2019ve been conditioned to be conscious of making too much noise… and that a dick pic or some slight <\/span>groping<\/span><\/a> is too small an incident to create a ruckus.<\/span>\n\n

This inherent need to be kind and accommodating \u2013 especially at our own expense \u2013 has left claw marks in our personal spaces.<\/p><\/blockquote> \n\nThis inherent need to be kind and accommodating \u2013 especially at our own expense \u2013 has left claw marks in our personal spaces. Even the #MeToo wave that has unfolded in the past weeks is replete with numerous instances of women giving people who abused their trust, the benefit of doubt. The testimonies of the several women who have levelled allegations against singer Kailash Kher and actor-director Rajat Kapoor are telling of how easily women take to discrediting violations in favour of the well-being and reputation of creeps. \u201cAs women, we tend to doubt our own judgment and let things pass,\u201d said the <\/span>woman<\/span><\/a> who has accused Kher of harassment. <\/span>\n\nInstead of shaming a harasser, what women do instead is try to avoid a situation where they will be harrassed. In a <\/span>Guardian essay<\/span><\/a> titled, \u201cI\u2019m tired of Being Kind to Creepy Men in Order to Stay Safe\u201d columnist Daisy Buchanan speaks about how she has imposed a curfew on herself and tries to be in bed by 11 pm and how a friend stopped running because of the number of men who will shout \u201ccompliments\u201d at her. \u201cWomen should be enjoying more freedoms than ever before, but many of us are frightened, and we\u2019re running out of options. We can submit to our sense of obligation and be polite to the harassers who might kick off if we ignore them, or we can cage ourselves in.\u201d <\/span>\n\nBut here\u2019s the thing that women, whose default reaction is to stay in to stay safe, are hardly told: There are no brownie points to be earned from being polite. It\u2019s only going to be detrimental to other <\/span>women<\/span><\/a>. And here\u2019s something we are need to take a lesson in: aggression. <\/span>\n\nFrom where I stand today, in the middle of the #MeToo revolution, it doesn\u2019t look so difficult. It needs a little bit of courage to shrug off an unwanted hand on your back or tell someone who has sent you an unsolicited dick pic to back off. High time we replace that meek smile with a death stare. And if need be, scream, \u201cLeave me alone.\u201d \u00a0<\/span>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Growing up, we women have been repeatedly led to believe that our own sense of being lies at the lowest rung of the ladder; that we must respect and bow before everybody but ourselves. So what if a stranger elbowed my breast? 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