{"id":3546,"date":"2016-03-11T06:24:48","date_gmt":"2016-03-11T00:54:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=3546"},"modified":"2016-03-11T06:24:48","modified_gmt":"2016-03-11T00:54:48","slug":"how-not-to-take-a-friggin-compliment","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=3546","title":{"rendered":"People, Learn to Take a Friggin\u2019 Compliment"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

T<\/span><\/p>he typical conversation after a typical gig night for a typical up-and-coming stand-up comic goes something like this.<\/span>\n\n\u201cThat was a great set. You\u2019re so talented.\u201d <\/span>\n\u201cThanks bro\u201d <\/span>\n\nIt\u2019s a fairly simple transaction and perhaps a joyful one that makes up for the sometimes thankless job of making people laugh for very little money. But for some reason this has not been my experience. If you happen to overhear a friend corner me after gig night and cheer me up over my performance, the conversation will play out something like this:<\/span>\n\n\u201cThat was a great set. You\u2019re so talented.\u201d <\/span>\n\u201cShut up dude!\u201d <\/span>\n\u201cNahi bro. Sach mein you\u2019re awesome.\u201d <\/span>\n\u201c… Jaa na gaandu!\u201d <\/span>\n\nThis is the post-gig conversation I had with an acquaintance recently. A couple weeks ago, I also responded to a relative\u2019s, \u201cYou have a great way with words, beta\u201d with \u201c<\/span>I am garbage compared to my peers. Kind of judging your taste right now, Deepak Uncle!\u201d <\/span>\n\nCue awkward silence.<\/span>\n\nTravesties such as these are routine for me. For as long as I can recall, I respond to compliments the way the Indian cricket fan responds to Virat Kohli\u2019s poor performance \u2013 by showing zero chill. My first instinct is to assume that the person giving the compliment is either taking the piss out of me or wants a huge-ass favour. <\/span>\n\nGrowing up as a centre back for the school football team, snarky comments were the closest thing to compliments I experienced from my peers. When you\u2019ve spent most of your teenage years being teased with remarks such as \u201cnice legs, Thakkar\u201d and \u201clol, great dribbling skills,\u201d it makes taking genuine compliments a little harder.<\/span>\n\nThe few compliments that pass the is-he-taking-the-piss-out-of-me litmus test, go and promptly fall into my self-created Anjali Trap. Remember Kajol in her most Kajol role yet \u2013 the screechy Anjali from <\/span>Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham \u2013 <\/span><\/i>who firmly believes that Rahul\u2019s flirtatious advances are nothing but devious plans to usurp her bauji\u2019s halwaai shop? Just like Anjali seems to have had a line of dubious suitors, I\u2019ve had way too many people compliment my work and then go on to conveniently ask if I\u2019d be willing to work for free. If you\u2019re wondering at this time if I have self-esteem issues that need sorting then you\u2019re probably right. \u00a0<\/span>\n

Like any self-aware, over-informed millennial, I\u2019ve done my research and have self-diagnosed my Impostor Syndrome<\/blockquote>\nLike any self-aware, over-informed millennial, I\u2019ve done my research and have self-diagnosed my <\/span>Impostor Syndrome<\/span><\/a>, a term coined in 1978. Which, according to <\/span>this Forbes article<\/span><\/a>, <\/span>is \u201ca feeling of phoniness in people who believe that they are not intelligent, capable or creative despite evidence of achievement. Basically, when you <\/span>feel inadequate<\/span><\/a> despite evident success.\u201d<\/span> There\u2019s a big part of me that lives in constant fear of being exposed as a fraud, that one day, everything I\u2019ve accomplished will be outed as one big series of flukes. I assure you, it isn\u2019t an easy life. For me or for Anjali. <\/span>\n\nBut this is where a seemingly trivial issue of not being able to take a fucking compliment can be a pretty insidious thing. It not only flirts with undermining your self-worth but also finds its way into your relationships. Oh yes, my allergy to praise extends to my love life as well. Over the years, I\u2019ve developed template responses to lovey-dovey advances. The \u201cI love what you\u2019re wearing in your DP\u201d warrants a \u201cnot nearly as appealing as your blue skirt though.\u201d It\u2019s amazing how many relationships I\u2019ve coasted through by simply complimenting my partner back instead of saying a basic thank you. <\/span>\n\nBut for all the grief that my Impostor Syndrome has given me, I\u2019m glad that it has deterred me from falling prey to entitled behaviour. In the past month, it\u2019s become fairly obvious that Indian men believe that having the XY chromosome, coupled with some level of success is the cheat code for douchebaggery. Who knows? May be if more men had Impostor Syndrome, it could even save us from enduring another Chetan Bhagat. <\/span>\n\nSo yes, I stand by my notion of compliments being mundane. Especially verbal ones. The best gestures of appreciation are the little, unspoken acts of kindness that strangers do for you. For instance, my chaat wala bhaiya who <\/span>puts a little meetha chutney in my teekha-chutney-only pani-puri, because he knows I am prone to bad life decisions. And I think that\u2019s beautiful.<\/span>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I respond to compliments the way the Indian cricket fan responds to Virat Kohli\u2019s poor performance \u2013 by showing zero chill. My first instinct is to assume that the person giving the compliment is either taking the piss out of me or wants a huge-ass favour.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":166,"featured_media":3547,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[107],"tags":[1162,6711,6712,6713,6714,6715,6716,6717,6718,6719,6720],"class_list":["post-3546","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-pov","tag-anxiety","tag-awkward","tag-compliments","tag-ego","tag-flattery","tag-impostor-syndrome","tag-interpretation","tag-psychology","tag-self-esteem","tag-self-worth","tag-social-anxiety"],"yoast_head":"\nPeople, Learn to Take a Friggin\u2019 Compliment<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I respond to compliments the way the Indian cricket fan responds to Virat Kohli\u2019s poor performance \u2013 by showing zero chill. 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