{"id":3542,"date":"2016-04-25T10:52:35","date_gmt":"2016-04-25T05:22:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=3542"},"modified":"2016-04-25T10:52:35","modified_gmt":"2016-04-25T05:22:35","slug":"sad-bollywood-songs-make-life-bearable","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=3542","title":{"rendered":"Ranjish Hi Sahi: How Sad Bollywood Songs Make Life Bearable"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I<\/span><\/p><\/div>

grew up with a <\/span>mother<\/span><\/a> who was a huge fan of sad songs. Our house had an exhaustive collection of music; most of it was compilations of sad songs. In a 12-cassette set of Mohammad Rafi songs, at least 10 were filled with sad songs. Growing up, there were two songs my mother was particularly fond of: One was Rafi\u2019s \u201cRang Aur Noor Ki Baraat\u201d, in which a despondent Sunil Dutt sings at the wedding of his lover <\/span>Meena Kumari<\/span><\/a>, telling her, in ever so slightly passive-aggressive tones, how he is letting her go. He has come to the wedding to give her his couplets as the last present, \u201cYe mere sher mere aakhri nazraane hain,\u201d he sings and Aai gently sobs with him. <\/span>\n\n\u201cRaat Aur Din\u201d, the second song, is heavy with <\/span>melancholia<\/span><\/a>. A lonely Nargis Dutt who suffers from a split personality disorder, one of old Bollywood\u2019s favourite maladies, sings it. <\/span>While no lover can cure her <\/span>loneliness<\/span><\/a>, she hopes<\/span>. My mother loved this song so much that she taught it to me for a singing competition in school. I stood second, probably because the astonished judges were wondering w<\/span>hy a six-year-old was singing this song.\u00a0<\/span>What does she even know about the \u201candhiyara\u201d she sings about? \u00a0<\/span>\n\nI often wonder if it is possible to say that some people are born happy and others aren\u2019t. Is sadness something you acquire? Even when I couldn\u2019t express my inner chaos, I felt this gnawing sadness within myself. My mother, too, perhaps is the same. Maybe that\u2019s why she gave me her <\/span>sadness<\/span><\/a> and her love for sad <\/span>songs<\/span><\/a> as inheritance. <\/span>\n\nAs much as I like sad songs now, as a child I was constantly irritated by them. I\u2019d often ask her why she was like this. My seemingly <\/span>happy<\/span><\/a> Aai was a servant of sadness, and maybe it was hard to explain to a child why she heard these songs and not happy ones. \u201cI just do. I like these better,\u201d she\u2019d say. Usually, I\u2019d accept her answer, but some days I\u2019d prod her for more and she\u2019d relent. <\/span>\n\n\u201cMaybe it\u2019s because I grew up poor? We\u2019d didn\u2019t have much going for us, you know. Not like you,\u201d she\u2019d say. While my <\/span>mother<\/span><\/a> managed to escape that life, a lot of her family couldn\u2019t, and then there was the burden of past <\/span>trauma<\/span><\/a>. \u201cIt\u2019s easy to associate with sadness anyway,\u201d she\u2019d tell me. This is something I understand now. One can be happy for other people, but one cannot associate with that happiness. But sadness is more universal in its existence. It can take in so much. I can, like Aai, feel overwhelming sadness at someone\u2019s <\/span>heartbreak<\/span><\/a>, or someone\u2019s death, even if I am not close to that person. Within their tragedy I can always find mine. \u00a0\u00a0<\/span>\n\n

My tragedy deserved all kinds of art from kitsch to subtle yet seething.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\nWhenever I felt butterflies flutter in the pit of my stomach, I went back to the same love songs \u2013 \u201cAaj Kal Paav Zameen Par\u201d, or \u201cPehla Nasha\u201d. These were clich\u00e9s, just like the <\/span>happiness<\/span><\/a> I felt. But sadness is way more creative. There aren\u2019t many ways to fall happily in love, but there are several ways in which one can be sad. The pain of broken <\/span>relationships<\/span><\/a> because a lover got married or abandoned you, the sadness of outliving a lover, the loneliness of unrequited love, the agony of being star-crossed lovers. And of course, love isn\u2019t the only reason for sadness. <\/span>\n\nWhen Guru Dutt laments in <\/span>Pyaasa<\/span><\/i>, \u201cTang aa chuke hain kashmakash-e-zindagi se hum\u201d, his kashmakash, the paradox of life, isn\u2019t just love, it is everything. It\u2019s the world not understanding the pain of a street <\/span>poet<\/span><\/a>, who wants recognition, but won\u2019t get it, who is so tired of the world that he wouldn\u2019t care if it is burnt to ashes. \u201cTumhari hai tum hi sambhalo ye duniya,\u201d he says. I want none of it.<\/span>\n\nI remember the first time someone broke my heart. <\/span>Aamir Khan\u2019s<\/span><\/a> \u201cTanhai\u201d was the song for the brokenhearted at the time. Crying to that felt customary. But because I was taught better by my mother, I was also listening to Geeta Dutt admonishing her lover in \u201cJa Ja Ja Bewafa\u201d. And, Runa Laila\u2019s \u201cRanjish Hi Sahi.\u201d I needed to feel sorry for myself in the voice of a woman as I hoped for my lover\u2019s return. <\/span>\n\nMy tragedy deserved all kinds of art from kitsch to subtle yet seething. The next time it happened, the man I had feelings for told me he was too broken to reciprocate love. Hollowed by life\u2019s cruelties, he wouldn\u2019t be able to love me. Armed with that knowledge, I nursed my heart by listening to \u201cPyaar Mujhse Jo Kiya Tumne, Toh Kya Paogi\u201d. Isn\u2019t this what my <\/span>lover<\/span><\/a> was asking me? What will you get by loving me? Nothing, I realised later, was the real answer. <\/span>\n\nSentimental songs help me sail through life. <\/span>\n\nA few months ago I found myself alone in a remote Finnish village, on a writing residency. I was having a hard time adjusting to the new, beautiful surroundings. Living in India you are used to a certain chaos that works as white noise. But Finland was so quiet I could hear myself with too much clarity. It made me nervous. So, I devised a routine to drown out the <\/span>silence<\/span><\/a>. I listened to a certain kind of sad song. They evoked a feeling of melancholia, and at the same time kept me company.<\/span>\n\nBut why did I turn to sad music to deal with an already sad situation? It wasn\u2019t done consciously. Like, how we listen to break-up songs when a <\/span>relationship<\/span><\/a> doesn\u2019t work. Shouldn\u2019t they make us feel sadder? Shouldn\u2019t we be looking for something that might cheer us up? Are we all such big masochists? Not really, if you believe Aristotle. According to him, by overwhelming ourselves with an undesirable emotion through music or drama we might actually be purging ourselves of that emotion.<\/span>\n\n

You could say I attach too much value to sadness, and you wouldn\u2019t be wrong.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\nAristotle, in all probability, was right. Who doesn\u2019t know the power of a good cry? Crying makes us feel light and even happy. But there might be another reason behind our playlists displaying more sad songs than <\/span>happy<\/span><\/a> ones. <\/span>\n\nAccording to a <\/span>research published<\/span><\/a> in the journal Frontiers in Psychology, the perceived reaction to sad music does not coincide with our actual reaction. In the study 44 people listened to a piece of music and answered questions on their anticipated and actual reactions. \u201cThe results revealed that sad music was perceived to be more tragic, whereas the actual experiences of the participants listening to the sad music induced them to feel more romantic, more blithe, and less tragic emotions than they actually perceived with respect to the same music.\u201d <\/span>\n\nOne of the several hypotheses they came up with talks about how while sadness is a negative reaction, the sadness of the songs does not impose any new, uncomfortable feeling on us. It doesn\u2019t pose us any threat because it isn\u2019t happening to us. So, we can comfortably \u201cenjoy\u201d it.<\/span>\n\nIn Finland I used to listen to Andrew Bird\u2019s \u201cArmchair\u201d a lot. My mornings would start with it. I used to eagerly wait for the lines \u201cYou didn\u2019t write\/You didn\u2019t call\/You didn\u2019t feel a thing at all.\u201d In a quiet song, these are urgent lines. His <\/span>anger<\/span><\/a> at such a betrayal feels palpable. <\/span>\n\nBut I had no lovers to betray me, no lovers to not call me then. And yet, here I was listening to Bird, singing with him. The reason could be the fact that Bird posed no threat to my seemingly <\/span>lonely<\/span><\/a> life in Finland. Maybe that\u2019s why it helped me survive the darkness I felt in a foreign country, and I am grateful for that. \u00a0<\/span>\n\nYou could say I attach too much value to sadness, and you wouldn\u2019t be wrong. There are days when I long for it. Words come easily to me when I am quiet in my sadness. I am not the only one to think this either. Keats, the saddest boy of the 19th century, wrote, \u201cDo you not see how necessary a world of pains and troubles is to school an intelligence and make it a soul?\u201d But perhaps Hartley Coleridge summed it best when he said, \u201cMelancholy is the only muse.\u201d <\/span>\n\nMelancholy lets you stew in your own sentiments, lets you find that tiny little voice in you that tells you what you should be creating. Sometimes, <\/span>poetry<\/span><\/a> comes to me as sketches of sadness. Sometimes, when I feel the urge to write but can\u2019t, I reflect on these sketches, and sad music gives me easy access to them. When I am writing, a set of sad songs is playing on my YouTube playlist. They hold my hand, always. Like the wonderful Maya Angelou once said, \u201cMusic was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness.\u201d This is all I do. And maybe, this is also what my Aai does. Each day, with each sad song, she turns her back, more and more, to her loneliness. <\/span>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I inherited my mother\u2019s love for sad songs. One can be happy for other people, but one cannot associate with that happiness. Sadness is more universal. When Guru Dutt laments, \u201cTang aa chuke hain kashmakash-e-zindagi se hum\u201d, his kashmakash, the paradox of life, isn\u2019t just love, it is everything.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":185,"featured_media":3543,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3114],"tags":[954,562,1772,6701,5155],"class_list":["post-3542","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-bollywood","tag-daughter","tag-happiness","tag-mother","tag-sad-songs","tag-sadness"],"yoast_head":"\nRanjish Hi Sahi: How Sad Bollywood Songs Make Life Bearable<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I inherited my mother\u2019s love for sad songs. 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When Guru Dutt laments, \u201cTang aa chuke hain kashmakash-e-zindagi se hum\u201d, his kashmakash, the paradox of life, isn\u2019t just love, it is everything.","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Manjiri Indurkar","Est. reading time":"8 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=3542#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=3542"},"author":{"name":"Manjiri Indurkar","@id":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/#\/schema\/person\/555aee56d58d3352f0f9708b97db93ad"},"headline":"Ranjish Hi Sahi: How Sad Bollywood Songs Make Life Bearable","datePublished":"2016-04-25T05:22:35+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=3542"},"wordCount":1598,"image":{"@id":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=3542#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/1540387793.jpg","keywords":["Daughter","happiness","Mother","Sad songs","sadness"],"articleSection":["Bollywood"],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=3542","url":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=3542","name":"Ranjish Hi Sahi: How Sad Bollywood Songs Make Life Bearable","isPartOf":{"@id":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=3542#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=3542#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/1540387793.jpg","datePublished":"2016-04-25T05:22:35+00:00","author":{"@id":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/#\/schema\/person\/555aee56d58d3352f0f9708b97db93ad"},"description":"I inherited my mother\u2019s love for sad songs. One can be happy for other people, but one cannot associate with that happiness. Sadness is more universal. When Guru Dutt laments, \u201cTang aa chuke hain kashmakash-e-zindagi se hum\u201d, his kashmakash, the paradox of life, isn\u2019t just love, it is everything.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=3542#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=3542"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=3542#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/1540387793.jpg","contentUrl":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/1540387793.jpg","width":1520,"height":850},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=3542#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Ranjish Hi Sahi: How Sad Bollywood Songs Make Life Bearable"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/#website","url":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/","name":"Arr\u00e9","description":"In every person lies a creator and in every creator, an enterprise.","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/#\/schema\/person\/555aee56d58d3352f0f9708b97db93ad","name":"Manjiri Indurkar","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/ffc7bab3c216fc8d2b36e142c349960cff954705c7bf9c86d6181cda2f40d210?s=96&d=mm&r=g","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/ffc7bab3c216fc8d2b36e142c349960cff954705c7bf9c86d6181cda2f40d210?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/ffc7bab3c216fc8d2b36e142c349960cff954705c7bf9c86d6181cda2f40d210?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Manjiri Indurkar"},"url":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?author=185"}]}},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/1540387793.jpg","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3542","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/185"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3542"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3542\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/3543"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3542"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3542"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3542"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}