{"id":3532,"date":"2016-04-26T16:55:44","date_gmt":"2016-04-26T11:25:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=3532"},"modified":"2016-04-26T16:55:44","modified_gmt":"2016-04-26T11:25:44","slug":"world-judge-wives-daughters-sisters-of-sexual-harassers","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=3532","title":{"rendered":"#MeToo: How Does the World Judge the Wives, Daughters, and Sisters of Sexual Harassers?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

T<\/span><\/p><\/div>

here\u2019s black and there\u2019s white. There are claws and there are wounds. There\u2019s the <\/span>predator<\/span><\/a> and there\u2019s the victim. Forms and definitions of <\/span>abuse<\/span><\/a> might change, but one thing is clear \u2013 that in this war between the sexes, women are the losers, even when predatory men are brought down. <\/span>\n\nAs India\u2019s <\/span>#MeToo<\/span><\/a> moment has proved, women are the collateral damage everywhere: Either as primary victims, or as secondary ones, when the men closest to us are exposed. And this is what puts women such as Mallika Dua (Vinod Dua\u2019s daughter), Farah Khan (Sajid Khan\u2019s sister), Ashu Singh (Alok Nath\u2019s wife), and Richa Dubey (Vikas Bahl\u2019s former wife) in extremely precarious positions. Their father, brothers, husbands have been called out, and now they are forced to take sides. <\/span>\n\nWives and daughters of <\/span>perpetrators<\/span><\/a> \u2013 alleged or convicted \u2013 don\u2019t have it easy. Psychiatrists loosely include them within the ambit of \u201csecondary victims\u201d given the sheer trauma they endure. And though Dua,<\/span> Khan<\/span><\/a>, <\/span>Alok Nath<\/span><\/a>, and Vikas Bahl are not hardened criminals and the allegations against them are yet to be proved, in an age when social media is the jury, judge, and executioner there\u2019s hardly any time for these women to detach and have a dispassionate view of things crumbling around them.<\/span>\n\nImagine waking up one morning and the world suddenly heckling you, telling you that the man you loved, adored, looked up to, or simply are with isn\u2019t who you think he is. Instead he\u2019s being accused of an act that stems out of deep-seated misogyny \u2013 reducing women to playthings. He\u2019s a sexual predator, a possible <\/span>rapist<\/span><\/a>. Where does that leave you? <\/span>\n\nThe first reaction from women in the lives of these men is more often than not vehement denial. Is this why Alok Nath\u2019s wife Ashu Singh or Vikas Bahl\u2019s former wife Richa Dubey didn\u2019t bat an eyelid while questioning the story of the survivors, Vinta Nanda and <\/span>Kangana Ranaut<\/span><\/a>? Is this why Mallika Dua, who has spoken in support of the movement, Instagrammed a picture of her \u201chero\u201d, her father? \u00a0<\/span>\n\n

We live in a fast-to-vilify, quick-to-crucify world, but is it right to expect wives, daughters, sisters, and partners to look at an offence rationally?<\/p><\/blockquote> \n\nWhich brings us to the question of, are you really blind to the transgressions of your loved ones? There\u2019s enough research out there that suggests otherwise. In most of the cases, the wife of an offender is aware of his misgivings. And yet they choose to look the other way. In a Telegraph report <\/span>titled<\/span><\/a> \u201cWhat makes a woman stick by her rapist husband?\u201d, Paula Hall, a sexual psychotherapist, says the partners of men convicted of sex offences know them in so many more ways than the headlines allow. \u201cThere may be some partners who stay out of naivety, out of their own fear of leaving the <\/span>relationship<\/span><\/a> because it is all they have known.\u201d <\/span>\n\nThat\u2019s probably why Alok Nath\u2019s wife did not believe her best friend Vinta Nanda when she confronted her after the assault. And that\u2019s why she continues to back her husband, years later. Richa Dubey, Bahl\u2019s former wife, too came to his defence and shamed Kangana for \u201cgiggling and going wining and dining\u201d with her <\/span>husband<\/span><\/a>. \u00a0<\/span>\n\nThis defence probably finds its roots in the centuries of social conditioning that <\/span>women<\/span><\/a> are subjected to. We are conditioned to \u201ctolerate\u201d men, to \u201cadjust\u201d and this culture of male impunity is not just ingrained in the minds of men. It\u2019s ingrained in our minds too. \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>\n\nFarah Khan, who was quick to tweet that if allegations against her brother <\/span>Sajid<\/span><\/a> are true, he had a \u201clot to atone for\u201d, recently urged people \u2013 especially women \u2013 to imagine what would they go through if their fathers or sons were accused of sexual harassment. She asked people to be sensitive toward the families of the accused. Because they are still grappling with a reality that has turned their world upside down. <\/span>\n\nThe sheer turmoil of coming to terms with what is and isn\u2019t, is reflected in Mallika Dua\u2019s post responding to sexual harassment allegations against her father by filmmaker Nishtha Jain. She wrote, \u201cIf at all my father is truly guilty of what you described, it is unacceptable, traumatic, and painful.\u201d While she explicitly says, she is \u201cin solidarity with the <\/span>movement<\/span><\/a>,\u201d she also states that she will \u201cstand by her father\u201d in this battle.<\/span>\n\nWe live in a fast-to-vilify, quick-to-crucify world, but is it right to expect wives, daughters, sisters, and partners to look at an offence rationally? Does it erase what the person has meant to his family? According to Debra Borys, a Los Angeles-based psychologist and <\/span>sexual harassment<\/span><\/a> expert, that\u2019s the one question that never ceases to haunt the <\/span>family<\/span><\/a> of the accused. The answer, she says, is an emphatic no. It doesn\u2019t. A \u201csingle bad incident\u201d doesn\u2019t begin to define a person. And yet, just how bad is that incident? And how far can you ignore the fact that there is another woman \u2013 or series of women \u2013 who have accused him of doing horrible things to them?<\/span> \u00a0<\/i><\/b>\n\nWhat is the price you pay? How does the world judge you?<\/span>\n\nFor Hillary Clinton, it probably cost her the presidency. Hillary, over the years, has refused to label the relationship between Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky an abuse of power, a stand Donald Trump was able to exploit during the presidential campaign. According to a <\/span>Vox <\/span><\/a>article, \u201cBill Clinton\u2019s history has put <\/span>Hillary Clinton<\/span><\/a> in a difficult position. She can either call him to account publicly \u2014 and possibly leave him \u2014 or she can keep silent or defend him, knowing that in doing so, she discounts the experience of women who say he harmed them.\u201d If a woman as powerful as Hillary sees shielding her husband as non-negotiable, is it fair to expect anything different from the other \u201cregular\u201d, not-so-influential women? \u00a0<\/span>\n\nOnce again, however unfair it may seem, the onus is on the women. Today, we expect Mallika Dua, Farah Khan, and Ashu Singh to punish the men in their lives. To put on their superwomen cloak and look at the bigger picture, to fight the battle on behalf of other women. To clean up the garbage left behind by the men. Or else they\u2019d be judged like how the world judges Hillary \u2013 the woman who lost the opportunity to make a dent in the fight against <\/span>sexual harassment<\/span><\/a>. \u00a0\u00a0<\/span>\n\nNo matter how it all unfolds, you will always find a woman at the losing end. <\/span>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

As scores of working women accuse, name and shame their predators, quickly turning them into poster boys of hate for all of womankind, what happens to the wives, the sisters and the daughters?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":236,"featured_media":3533,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[170],"tags":[4334,5921,6687,2402,6688,1617,6570,803,6295,2341,6689,735],"class_list":["post-3532","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-gender","tag-alok-nath","tag-daughters","tag-mallika-dua","tag-men","tag-predators","tag-sexual-abuse","tag-sexual-abuse-victims","tag-sexual-harassment","tag-sisters","tag-vikas-bahl","tag-wives","tag-women"],"yoast_head":"\n#MeToo: How Does the World Judge the Wives, Daughters, and Sisters of Sexual Harassers?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"As scores of working women accuse, name and shame their 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