{"id":3481,"date":"2016-03-01T20:20:28","date_gmt":"2016-03-01T14:50:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=3481"},"modified":"2016-03-01T20:20:28","modified_gmt":"2016-03-01T14:50:28","slug":"metoo-its-time-for-the-shy-sensitive-men-to-speak-up","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=3481","title":{"rendered":"It\u2019s Time For the Shy, \u201cSensitive\u201d Men to Speak Up"},"content":{"rendered":"\n\u00a0\n

G<\/span>rowing up in Mumbai in the late \u201990s-early noughties with all its rap music, Neal \u2019n\u2019 Nikkis, and Entourages, toxic masculinity was mainstream. Sex education came from 50 Cent videos, and ideas on how to approach women came from Bollywood. Almost everyone knew that men spoke a certain way when women weren\u2019t around.\n\n<\/p>We are now in 2019 and the #MeToo movement has drawn attention toward the problematic, often predatory behaviour, of men. And even as more men are exposed, some of us chose to <\/span>feign surprise <\/span><\/a>and divert the argument into what behaviour is acceptable now. (\u201cSo I can\u2019t do anything but wave?\u201d) A lot of this has probably to do with the fact that when we were growing up, much of what we define today as inappropriate behaviour was simply dismissed as \u201cbeing a man\u201d.<\/span>\n\nThe first kid to procure a pornographic magazine and bring it to the classroom was a local hero. In every single break, we boys would get together, and browse through the sticky pages with eyes wide open. The one 13-year-old boy, who decided that it was a little gross to be going through another\u2019s pre-cum, and made his disgust apparent, was labelled \u201cgay\u201d or \u201csissy\u201d. His \u201csensitivity\u201d made him an outcast.<\/span>\n\nThe magazine, as innocent as it was at the time, soon grew into something more cancerous. As we hit puberty, it was only natural that most of us would be attracted to women around us. Unfortunately there was no guidebook to \u201c<\/span>correctly woo<\/span><\/a>\u201d a woman. Writing poetry was for the nerd who cries himself to sleep, quoting musicians was cringe-y. <\/span>\n

“As we entered college, and phones became indispensable, this already borderline toxic culture was introduced to platforms like Snapchat.”<\/blockquote>\nWhat did become acceptable, thanks to the popular perception of \u201c<\/span>being a man<\/span><\/a>,\u201d was making highly sexualised remarks, talking about how often you watch porn with your bros, and \u201cscoring chicks at parties\u201d. Of course, these were the ways of the \u201creal men\u201d. \u00a0The so-called \u201csissy\/sensitive\u201d guys would cringe, but not wanting to be left out or bullied, would keep their mouths shut. Many probably thought it was them that was the problem. No one wanted to be the shy boy who sits in the corner and says I will kiss a girl only two months into dating, especially when they had been fed all the regular BS about men having to make the first move. <\/span>\n\nAs we entered college, and phones became indispensable, this already borderline toxic culture was introduced to platforms like Snapchat. Now to be part of a guy\u2019s circle meant listening to them drone updates on all the \u201chot girls\u201d who \u201csend them <\/span>nudies<\/span><\/a>\u201d, and riveting discussions on how they\u2019d try (and fail) to get a girl to have sex with them using as few words as possible. <\/span>\n\nOnce again the guy who didn\u2019t approve or take part in these conversations was seen as the weird other. The \u201csensitive\u201d guy was left out of the guy gang and would probably go home feeling jealous that some people were \u201cgetting some\u201d while they were spending their time mucking around, and respecting individuality. So the \u201csensitive\u201d guy learnt to keep his mouth shut and laugh along if he ever wanted to be \u201cone of the guys\u201d.<\/span>\n\nThis culture lasted up until the time \u201c<\/span>wokeness<\/span><\/a>\u201d became the new label everyone wanted to wear. Suddenly being seen as the \u201csensitive\u201d one made you the hero. Calling someone gay disparagingly and bragging about your sexual exploits was considered uncool. <\/span>\n\nBut the set of men remained the same. The same \u201cmacho culture\u201d that idolised <\/span>Barney Stinson<\/span><\/a>, or laughed along to <\/span>Entourage<\/span><\/i>, went on to become part of the new performative woke crowd. <\/span>\n\nFor them, every new statement \u2013 \u201cwe can\u2019t talk to women like that,\u201d \u201cno means no\u201d \u2013 was an exercise in performative tweeting; playing a character that they assume women will appreciate. When stories fall out of their closets they can confidently proclaim: \u201cHey, I didn\u2019t know any better back then!\u201d when the truth is that they knew all along, and contributed in such a significant way to perpetuating that culture. <\/span>\n\nEvery man should do his part and acknowledge that <\/span>the change begins with us<\/span><\/a> \u2013 it never has been about what a woman wears, or where they go \u2013 it\u2019s about changing this idea that a man\u2019s worth is measured in how well they can \u201cpleasure a woman\u201d or be \u201cone of the guys\u201d. <\/span>\n\nWe\u2019ve shut sensitive men down in the past \u2013 but if India\u2019s #MeToo reckoning has proved anything, it is that we\u2019re part of the problem. By not speaking up, sensitive men have enabled harassers. #TimesUp on predatory behaviour\u2026 and also on quiet, sensitive men.<\/span>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A lot of the inappropriate behaviour we are seeing in this #MeToo era was dismissed as \u201cboys being boys\u201d when we were growing up. For years, \u201csissy\/sensitive\u201d guys cringed, but kept shut not wanting to be bullied or left out. Now is the time for them to speak up.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":294,"featured_media":3482,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[170],"tags":[4348,4150,6639,6640,5011,2593,3430,4153,6641,6642,4537,6643,1615,3457,6156,1051,3974,111,6567,735],"class_list":["post-3481","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-gender","tag-abuse","tag-actress","tag-backlash","tag-case","tag-date","tag-harassment","tag-indian","tag-me","tag-mj-akbar","tag-out","tag-outrage","tag-predator","tag-rape","tag-sexual","tag-speak","tag-tinder","tag-too","tag-twitter","tag-utsav-chakraborty","tag-women"],"yoast_head":"\nIt\u2019s Time For the Shy, \u201cSensitive\u201d Men to Speak Up<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"A lot of the inappropriate behaviour we are seeing in this #MeToo era was dismissed as \u201cboys being boys\u201d when we were growing up. For years, \u201csissy\/sensitive\u201d guys cringed, but kept shut not wanting to be bullied or left out. Now is the time for them to speak up.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=3481\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"It\u2019s Time For the Shy, \u201cSensitive\u201d Men to Speak Up\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"A lot of the inappropriate behaviour we are seeing in this #MeToo era was dismissed as \u201cboys being boys\u201d when we were growing up. For years, \u201csissy\/sensitive\u201d guys cringed, but kept shut not wanting to be bullied or left out. 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