{"id":3460,"date":"2016-04-27T04:30:22","date_gmt":"2016-04-26T23:00:22","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=3460"},"modified":"2016-04-27T04:30:22","modified_gmt":"2016-04-26T23:00:22","slug":"metoo-women-refuse-to-believe-other-women","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=3460","title":{"rendered":"#MeToo: Why Women Refuse to Believe Other Women"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

T<\/span><\/p><\/div>

he last few days, whether you\u2019re a man or a woman, have been confusing. As India\u2019s <\/span>#MeToo<\/span><\/a> movement shows no signs of abating, no one is sure what the outcome will be. But the one thing we do know is that sexual harassment is a lot more pervasive than it seems.<\/span>\n\nThere has been no dearth of stories even though hundreds more are still to be heard. We\u2019ve mustered the courage to call out celebrities and strangers, but the <\/span>movement<\/span><\/a> hasn\u2019t yet reached the point where we can call out those close to us. Perhaps we never will, because a significant part of the problem is not men… but the women who refuse to believe the survivors. <\/span>\n\nIn Vinta Nanda\u2019s terrifying post about being raped by \u201cthe most sanskaari person\u201d in the industry, she did not name <\/span>Alok Nath<\/span><\/a> \u2013 because her mother warned her that publicly outing him would not be worth it. Our mothers, our sisters, our friends might often stop us out of concern for our safety, but even beyond them, there is a world of women who have not only discouraged survivors from naming and shaming their assaulters but \u00a0have also participated wholeheartedly in victim-blaming.<\/span>\n\nThe truth is that when it comes to opening up about <\/span>sexual abuse<\/span><\/a> or harassment that they may have faced, women generally don\u2019t talk to men. Their port of call is almost always another woman, and very often, it is this woman\u2019s response that colours her reaction to the incident.<\/span>\n\nOne of my closest friends was <\/span>raped<\/span><\/a> by her best friend\u2019s father. My friend remained mum about this violation for years, unsure of what really happened. Years later, when she confided in her mother, she was asked to be cordial with her rapist because \u201cLadki kharab hogayi, ab log kya kahenge?\u201d My friend\u2019s already low-self esteem was crushed after her mother refused to support her; for months after, she continued blaming herself. And the next time she was abused, she knew better than to speak out. <\/span>\n\n

The worst part of this exercise is, the ripple effect it inevitably causes: The outlier, who might be in single digits today, will multiply to double digits a couple of years later. <\/p><\/blockquote>\n\nOn the other spectrum of victim-blaming are women on Twitter, who as <\/span>this tweet<\/span><\/a> points out are more angered by \u201cimperfect feminism\u201d than \u201csystemic misogyny\u201d during <\/span>#MeToo<\/span><\/a>. When a noted editor was called out for sexual harassment by multiple women, his wife didn\u2019t just jump to his defence but also invalidated the experiences of these women. She went on to blame survivors for making a big deal of \u201can affair that did not take off.\u201d On the other hand, reporter and columnist Tavleen Singh, chose to indulge in whataboutery and discredited the entire movement \u2013 which includes scores of men and women outing their harassers and reliving their trauma \u2013 by saying that it made \u201clittle sense\u201d since women in rural spaces have it far worse.<\/span>\n\nThey are hardly the first women to take this stand. Since time immemorial, women have been conditioned to not speak up because their stories don\u2019t meet the imaginary metric of not being \u201cbad enough\u201d. In an <\/span>Atlantic<\/span><\/i> piece <\/span><\/a>titled, \u201cWhy Women (Sometimes) Don\u2019t Help Other Women\u201d, the author argues why the damage caused by women disbelieving each other is irreversible. \u201cThe basic idea is that since all women experience sexism, they should be more attuned to the gendered barriers that other women face. In turn, this heightened awareness should lead women to foster alliances and actively support one another. If women don\u2019t help each other, this is an even worse form of betrayal than those committed by men. And hence, the special place in hell reserved for those women,\u201d she writes.<\/span>\n\nTake for instance, in the Christine Blasey Ford case, even though the general female support tilted toward her, the ones who managed to make a difference were Republican women like Susan Collins who stood up for Brett Kavanaugh. And a staggering 43 per cent of other women believed him. You see, these outliers become the dispiriting face of an otherwise, empowering and revolutionary <\/span>movement<\/span><\/a>. Because if these women are convinced they can\u2019t believe the survivors, why should anyone else?<\/span>\n\nThe worst part of this exercise is, the ripple effect it inevitably causes: The outlier, who might be in single digits today, will multiply to double digits a couple of years later. India\u2019s own <\/span>#MeToo<\/span><\/a> moment was heralded by one girl who spoke up against a comedian, which led to another woman speaking about powerful journalists and which eventually made its way into Bollywood. It\u2019s a movement started, executed, and housed entirely on the shoulders of India\u2019s women. It\u2019s a movement that is a reminder of the sheer power of united women. And it\u2019s also a movement where every woman counts \u2013 considering how it took one woman to start a movement, it could just as easily be derailed by another one. <\/span>\n\nSince us women have full power over how #MeToo unfolds, the onus is also on us, to stick together to guarantee the rage of #MeToo doesn\u2019t fizzle out in a matter of weeks. <\/span>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

India\u2019s #MeToo moment has been built entirely on the back and labour of its women. But the most dispiriting part has been the lack of support from some outliers \u2013 women who refuse to believe the testimonies of survivors.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":274,"featured_media":3461,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[170],"tags":[2588,1617,803,6603,735],"class_list":["post-3460","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-gender","tag-metoo","tag-sexual-abuse","tag-sexual-harassment","tag-support","tag-women"],"yoast_head":"\n#MeToo: Why Women Refuse to Believe Other Women<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"India\u2019s #MeToo moment has been built entirely on the back and labour of its women. But the most dispiriting part has been the lack of support from some outliers \u2013 women who refuse to believe the testimonies of survivors.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=3460\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"#MeToo: Why Women Refuse to Believe Other Women\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"India\u2019s #MeToo moment has been built entirely on the back and labour of its women. 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