{"id":3452,"date":"2016-06-06T07:04:11","date_gmt":"2016-06-06T01:34:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=3452"},"modified":"2016-06-06T07:04:11","modified_gmt":"2016-06-06T01:34:11","slug":"campus-ka-king-kaun-college-watchmen","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=3452","title":{"rendered":"Campus Ka King Kaun? College Watchmen"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

T<\/span><\/p>his morning while visiting the college office to collect a few pending documents, I found myself face-to-face with an old nemesis \u2013 Shukla, the college watchman. I caught his attention as I walked through the <\/span>college<\/span><\/a> gate. \u201cID card kidhar hai? ID card nahin toh no entry,\u201d he barked, while waving his danda in my face and spraying a fresh coat of gutka on the wall next to him.<\/span>\n\nI don\u2019t study in here anymore. How do I get an ID? \u201cOffice mein kaam tha,\u201d I told him.<\/span>\n\n\u201cNo ID, no entry,\u201d he reiterated with a smile on his face, which said he recognised me, but was just being difficult. <\/span>\n\nNaturally, this isn\u2019t the first time Shukla was saying, \u201cCollege ka king kaun?\u201d Over the years, Shukla has confiscated <\/span>phones<\/span><\/a>, threatened to tattletale on people smoking outside the campus, refused entry to students because they weren\u2019t dressed \u201cappropriately\u201d, and created rules of his own to irk freshers. Needless to say, Shukla\u2019s greatest pleasure was playing the power game with former students like me who thought they had graduated beyond his grasp. <\/span>\n\nBut Shukla isn\u2019t a unique entity that can only be found at a South Bombay college. In fact, every college has their own version of Shukla \u2013 a grumpy watchman who loves to mess around with students; a Severus Snape, to all our <\/span>Potters<\/span><\/a>. Five years of trying to one-up him has taught me that the college watchman is the most powerful being on the campus \u2013 even more than the principal, the professors, the bullies, and the popular boys and girls. The rules don\u2019t apply to him: He can chew tobacco while stopping students from <\/span>smoking<\/span><\/a>. He can play loud Bhojpuri music at 8 am. He can take an hour-long <\/span>lunch break<\/span><\/a>. Hell, he can even get you an appointment with the principal and get admissions done. <\/span>\n

If it wasn\u2019t our clothes, it was our behavior which came under scrutiny. Every college watchman can become the poster boy for the anti-Romeo squad.<\/blockquote>\nThe watchman is more than the gatekeeper. He is the king of the campus. And when he is in the mood, he turns into a fashion police and moral cop rolled into one. Ripped jeans and falling pants irked him the most. If someone wore a pair of jeans with a tear, Shukla would sarcastically say, \u201cKya hua? Pocket money khatam? Ya cigarettes pe uda diya?\u201d<\/span>\n\nIf it wasn\u2019t our clothes, it was our behavior which came under scrutiny. Every college watchman can become the poster boy for the <\/span>anti-Romeo squad<\/span><\/a>. Imagine sitting in the corridor making <\/span>small talk<\/span><\/a> with the pretty girl from the next class, trying very hard to keep her interested in you, when suddenly a moustached watchman starts rushing your way with his danda, screaming, \u201cYeh sab college ke bahar.\u201d I\u2019ve lost count of the number of times the sound of my sweet nothings was shattered by the shrill shrieking of Shukla\u2019s whistle. There is nothing in this world that could produce a louder sound and antagonise different generations of college students all at once. <\/span>\n\nFor Shukla, the whistle was his weapon and he\u2019d never lose an opportunity to brandish it. He\u2019d walk in on students discussing a project on the campus and whistle into their ears because they were \u201csitting too close\u201d, he\u2019d whistle to announce that the principal\u2019s car was arriving, he\u2019d whistle to disperse the crowd at the cafeteria because it was time for his chai break. <\/span>\n\nBut every strongman has his weakness and Shukla\u2019s was chocolates. I figured this out after I befriended a class topper, who brought Shukla Mars bars causing him to pop a rare, warm smile. <\/span>\n\nSo one exam day, when I forgot my ID card and Shukla refused to let me enter college, I thought I\u2019d bribe him. I didn\u2019t have Mars, so I sheepishly gave him a Mentos waiting for him to flash a smile and allow me in. Instead, his face turned red and he screamed, \u201cShukla ko rishwat deta hai!\u201d Overnight, I became the boy who tried to bribe the watchman. With a Mentos. \u00a0<\/span>\n\nThat day Shukla let me in after a lot of pleading. And that\u2019s when I gave in to the powers of the watchman. In college, the principal is a lot like the president \u2013 the nominal head, while the college watchman, much like the prime minister, is the real deal.<\/span>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

From confiscating phones, threatening to tattle on people smoking outside the campus, refusing entry to students, and making up rules on the fly, the college watchman is more powerful than the principal.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":205,"featured_media":3453,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[25],"tags":[3364,4344,6592,3787,2918,3792,6593,6594],"class_list":["post-3452","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-people","tag-card","tag-college","tag-guard","tag-id","tag-nostalgia","tag-security","tag-student","tag-watchman"],"yoast_head":"\nCampus Ka King Kaun? 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