{"id":3448,"date":"2016-04-14T14:57:44","date_gmt":"2016-04-14T09:27:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=3448"},"modified":"2016-04-14T14:57:44","modified_gmt":"2016-04-14T09:27:44","slug":"mental-health-permanent-anxiety","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=3448","title":{"rendered":"What It’s Like to Live With Permanent Anxiety"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

H<\/span><\/p><\/div>

ere\u2019s the thing about me: When people say they need to talk to me, I gracefully brisk walk in the other direction. I run straight into the waiting arms of my permanent companion, my soulmate, my <\/span>friend<\/span><\/a>, and fall \u2013 face first \u2013 straight into her arms. <\/span>\n\nAllow me to introduce you to my friend, who has been around for seven years. Her name is <\/span>anxiety<\/span><\/a> and she\u2019s a bit clingy. But then, she\u2019s always there for me. She\u2019ll show up at the unlikeliest of places \u2013 while I\u2019m boarding a flight, on a date, in the middle of a family get-together, hell even when I\u2019m reading a book, all by myself. Or on the first day of a new job. <\/span>\n\nLet\u2019s rewind to about three months ago. The auto decides to break down some 10 minutes from the <\/span>workplace<\/span><\/a>. Not wanting to get late on Day 1 of work, I decided to walk the distance. What better way to stop your legs from trembling? It\u2019s muggy, the mascara starts running down my face and when I get to work I look like that doll from Child\u2019s Play.<\/span>\n\nThe good part is nobody notices me. Who cares about an <\/span>intern<\/span><\/a>? The bad part is, every office has a friendly HR person whose life goal is to make people like me uncomfortable. As much as I hate meeting new people, my friend anxiety loves them. So now when I know she\u2019s going to show up, I pretend that I have to make an important call and then pace up and down the corridor. What works in my favour is that I\u2019m a <\/span>millennial<\/span><\/a>, so all odd, flaky behaviour is totally acceptable. Fake laughs have become my coping mechanism and I use them more frequently than Uday Chopra tweets when high \u2013 it helps when you are surrounded by colleagues with a sense of humour. <\/span>\n\n

That\u2019s the thing with anxiety. You manage to make a complete fool of yourself, every single time.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\nOf course there are days when none of my magic tricks work. And I wonder whether I sound smart enough or whether my voice is too nasal. Am I too <\/span>short<\/span><\/a>? I start biting my nails like a rat nibbling cheese. And then I look at my friend\u2019s pictures on Instagram and wonder why they didn\u2019t invite me for the night out. Because they don\u2019t like me anymore? Or maybe I am no fun? Or maybe because I have a PhD in ditching people at the last minute. The weird part is, I\u2019m pretty sure I\u2019d cancel on them even today. I\u2019d rather be at home in my PJs\u2026 me, my tanhaai, without any anxiety. <\/span>\n\nBecause being in a room full of people who I think are out there to judge makes me say to myself, \u201cRun, Forrest, Run\u201d. I\u2019ve channelled by inner Forrest before, once when a boy asked me out, and I turned around and sprinted, toppling over a couple of bar stools and stamping on other people\u2019s toes with my stilettoes, like a modern-day <\/span>Cinderella<\/span><\/a>. <\/span>\n\nThat\u2019s the thing with anxiety. You manage to make a complete fool of yourself, every single time. I\u2019ve passed out at <\/span>concerts<\/span><\/a>, because I felt so suffocated, so I decided to drink a bit much. I\u2019ve bumped into glass doors, not because I\u2019m clumsy. I blame it on my meds that make me zone out. <\/span>\n\nDespite this long and abiding friendship, I really really wish anxiety would just curl and die somewhere. All that <\/span>therapy<\/span><\/a> and medication, I wished would make her disappear into thin air. But that Vanishing Spell from Harry Potter just doesn\u2019t seem to work. Maybe I am muggle after all. Two weeks is the maximum I thought I\u2019d take to get through this, and look where we are now. <\/span>\n\nI\u2019m 21 and always <\/span>anxious<\/span><\/a>. <\/span>\n\nI\u2019m waiting for the day I can get through 24 hours without jumping around like those shocked cats everytime someone calls my name. You know how they say a friendship that lasts more than seven years never ends? This friendship looks like it\u2019s not getting cancelled anytime soon. <\/span>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2019ve tried medication, sought therapy, read books on how to survive anxiety. Nothing helps. So I\u2019ve learnt to coexist with it. For my permanent companion, this friendship is not getting cancelled anytime soon.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":274,"featured_media":3449,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[779],"tags":[1162,6580,707,6581,780,4218],"class_list":["post-3448","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-health","tag-anxiety","tag-medication","tag-mental-health","tag-mental-health-awareness","tag-mental-health-day","tag-therapy"],"yoast_head":"\nWhat It's Like to Live With Permanent Anxiety<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I\u2019ve tried medication, sought therapy, read books on how to survive anxiety. Nothing helps. So I\u2019ve learnt to coexist with it. 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