{"id":3446,"date":"2016-07-08T10:18:45","date_gmt":"2016-07-08T04:48:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=3446"},"modified":"2016-07-08T10:18:45","modified_gmt":"2016-07-08T04:48:45","slug":"angry-women-indifferent-men-india-metoo-moment","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=3446","title":{"rendered":"Angry Women and Indifferent Men: What India\u2019s #MeToo Moment Says About Us"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

A<\/span><\/p><\/div>

s the world grapples with Brett Kavanaugh\u2019s confirmation to the US Supreme Court despite serious sexual assault allegations against him, India is going through its own <\/span>#MeToo<\/span><\/a> moment. The flurry of cases being uncovered back home \u2013 comics, journalists, veteran actors \u2013 underscore the point made by Kavanaugh\u2019s confirmation: Men don\u2019t give a damn about <\/span>sexual harassment<\/span><\/a> survivors, so long as their bros are protected. From Anurag Kashyap, Tanmay Bhat, and so many other men in power who knew all along and enabled the harassers, the most worrying part of the multitude of allegations is that so many people who could have done something chose to not act.<\/span>\n\nJustifiably, women are furious AF. Not just at the cases, but also at our collective indifference to the suffering of countless survivors through the years. It\u2019s only the allegations that are surfacing now, <\/span>harassment<\/span><\/a> behind the scenes has been a part of patriarchal society and daily life as far back as one can remember. But in the light of a global #MeToo movement, this is the time when everyone\u2019s had enough.<\/span>\n\nUs men? Well we have responded in a variety of ways, most of them completely opposed to the rage and fury we, as a part of the same unjust society, should be feeling right now. Some men have taken the diplomatic route, and responded by simply not knowing about it at all, as 41 per cent of the 1,147 men surveyed in a <\/span>GQ <\/span><\/i>and <\/span>Glamour <\/span><\/i>quiz were found to have had no idea about the movement. We have also responded in an extremely guilty tone of defensiveness, the best example of which is the recent Donald Trump speech about how it\u2019s a \u201c<\/span>dangerous time to be a man<\/span><\/a>\u201d. Some of the other, less clearly problematic reactions from men to <\/span>#MeToo<\/span><\/a> have also, at times, bordered on mansplaining. At no point did we stop to ask ourselves what part of the phrase \u201c#MeToo\u201d sounds like a question or cue for nuanced critical analysis?<\/span>\n\nWe\u2019re still busy replying to the movement when it didn\u2019t ask for any response. What it did ask, however, is for us to quietly listen, and then to take this conversation to other men who may genuinely not know what they\u2019re doing wrong, and to gather the means to call out the predators. To sit together and recognise problematic behaviour among ourselves that normalises a culture of widespread <\/span>harassment<\/span><\/a>, and our part in its perpetuation. It was about recounting the extent of the problem, listening, healing, and having some difficult conversations as to where it all went so horribly wrong, and what we\u2019re doing to fix it. <\/span>\n\nHowever, things haven\u2019t exactly followed that understanding path. Men have gone on to issue lengthy statements on the nuanced, grey shades of <\/span>consent<\/span><\/a>, about the effects of the movement on men<\/span> in particular,<\/span> and <\/span>dating culture<\/span><\/a> in general, and handed out unsolicited advice to women on how to proceed, among other things absolutely no one asked for. <\/span>\n\n

Even now, there\u2019s an air of separating ourselves and the culture we are an active part of, from the vile men who actually go out and harass, molest, and rape.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\nAs far as I can see, nothing has changed. <\/span>#MeToo<\/span><\/a> has not solved patriarchy, or stopped the men who harassed and abused from continuing their behaviour. The greyer area is how the rest of us are taking it, the ones who\u2019d stay silent at inappropriate behaviour from fellow men for the fear of confrontation, the ones who, in all honesty, don\u2019t think it\u2019s any of their fault, even if it\u2019s quite difficult to not know what constitutes <\/span>sexism<\/span><\/a> or sexual misconduct in today\u2019s age. <\/span>\n\nEven now, there\u2019s an air of separating ourselves and the culture we are an active part of, from the vile <\/span>men<\/span><\/a> who actually go out and harass, molest, and rape. A wall of separation between <\/span>us <\/span><\/i>and <\/span>them<\/span><\/i> is so clearly visible in these conversations if you care to listen. They don\u2019t see the wrongdoers as just a higher degree of misogyny gone unchecked, but a group of people separate from them. I\u2019ve personally been told to not generalise all men on merely <\/span>mentioning <\/span><\/i>the <\/span>Weinstein<\/span><\/a> allegations. Honestly, if your first response to a whole different case of crime unrelated to you is, \u201cHey, but I didn\u2019t do anything,\u201d maybe that response should tell you something about yourself. <\/span>\n\nThis frustration of putting us in the same category as a group that we feel wholly and comfortably separate from is where the <\/span>#NotAllMen<\/span><\/a> narrative comes from. Many men would not admit to their role in the system \u2013 for a long time, I couldn\u2019t either; it\u2019s like we\u2019re born with it or something \u2013 nor recount the times they could have spoken out and made a difference, but remained silent. #MeToo has only re-energised those conversations, though they were always happening for those who bothered to listen.<\/span>\n\nEvery guy probably has that one friend (and many, many more than one in usual cases), who they know has problematic opinions, or who is so obviously creepy that they would not be invited to public gatherings around <\/span>women<\/span><\/a>. But they will actively keep them as friends, not call them out, and shout especially loudly when you tell them that by tolerating behavior like that they maybe a big part of the problem. But to them, the <\/span>rapists<\/span><\/a> are completely different people from their misogynist childhood friend who \u201cmeans no harm\u201d. <\/span>\n\nThis refusal to acknowledge our part in it, is where the discrepancy in giving a fuck about #MeToo comes from \u2013 because men just don\u2019t care to find out how we\u2019re responsible. We keep making attempts to separate ourselves from any sort of culpability in that indifference. <\/span>\n\nA lot of us genuinely see no correlation between, say, someone in a position of power making a \u201cwomen can\u2019t drive\u201d joke around them to actual <\/span>sexual assaults<\/span><\/a>. Nor do they realise that the patriarchy that drives honour killings in the country\u2019s hinterland, which causes shock and outrage, is the same as the patriarchy they simply overlook at home, when women are denied access to rituals meant exclusively for men at poojas and weddings.<\/span>\n\nAs a society, we all owe each other and ourselves a mirror. For men, the <\/span>#MeToo<\/span><\/a> movement might be the biggest mirror of them all. Sadly, we seem incapable of comprehending the grotesqueness of that reflection, let alone taking active steps to fix it. Most will just refuse they have anything to do with the monster, because the alternative is the difficult realisation that it is somehow a collective coming together of all these factors that has made the world what it is today.<\/span>\n\nIt\u2019s not like all of this has transpired within the last few days; women have been reaching out and telling us about the sheer gravity and magnitude of <\/span>harassment<\/span><\/a> they face every single day ever since I can remember. And yet our collective reaction to it has always been indifference at best. If a global movement of survivors coming together and sharing their horrific stories of harassment and <\/span>assault<\/span><\/a> doesn\u2019t shake us from that indifference and make us \u2013 men \u2013 start taking immediate steps to fix it, what will? <\/span>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Men have responded in a variety of ways to a wave of #MeToo allegations over the last few days, from going on the defensive to resorting to mansplaining. Even now, there\u2019s an air of separating ourselves and the culture we are an active part of, from the vile men who actually go out and harass, molest, and rape.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":156,"featured_media":3447,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[170],"tags":[2588,6579,19,2402,1954,803,735],"class_list":["post-3446","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-gender","tag-metoo","tag-metooindia","tag-india","tag-men","tag-sexual-assault","tag-sexual-harassment","tag-women"],"yoast_head":"\nAngry Women and Indifferent Men: What India\u2019s #MeToo Moment Says About Us<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Men have responded in a variety of ways to a wave of #MeToo allegations over the last few days, from going on the defensive to resorting to mansplaining. 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