{"id":3444,"date":"2016-06-15T14:35:56","date_gmt":"2016-06-15T09:05:56","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=3444"},"modified":"2016-06-15T14:35:56","modified_gmt":"2016-06-15T09:05:56","slug":"indian-men-enthusiastic-consent","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=3444","title":{"rendered":"Hey Indian Men, Let\u2019s Talk About Enthusiastic Consent"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

U<\/span><\/p>tsav Chakraborty and I travelled together for gigs and featured on several comedy line-ups together. I\u2019ve known him for over a year now \u2013 since I first took to stand-up in February 2017 \u2013 and like most open-micers at the time, I admired his comic timing and quirky stage presence. Then, this past Thursday at 12.44 pm, a <\/span>tweet thread<\/span><\/a> with multiple allegations of <\/span>sexual harassment<\/span><\/a> broke out against Chakraborty. Through the rest of the day, several accounts of Chakraborty\u2019s perverse behaviour \u00a0with women \u2013 some of them minors \u2013 began to pour in. <\/span><\/span>\n\nThis was followed by a self-serving apology, which seemed like an attempt to justify his behaviour. But within those few hours, the floodgates opened, as allegations that run the spectrum of <\/span>toxic male behaviour<\/span><\/a> \u2013 from soliciting nudes and sending dick pics to being rapists \u2013 came tumbling out of the closets they\u2019ve been in for years. Chakraborty had inadvertently became the poster boy of the dirty, dark side of social media\u2019s so-called woke brigade\u2026 ironically, on the very platform that helped him build his brand.<\/span>\n\nBut even before Chakraborty, there was Shamir Reuben. \u00a0<\/span>\n\nMumbai\u2019s performing arts community nearly had its <\/span>#MeToo<\/span><\/a> moment earlier this year, in February. Like many of Reuben\u2019s peers, I also respected him as a performer, until he was outed on social media as a predator who sent unsolicited sexts to women. In the comment thread of <\/span>the post that called Rueben out<\/span><\/a>, multiple women, many of whom were minors when they met Shamir, courageously spoke out against his lewd, problematic behaviour both online and offline. Some 65 screenshots detailing the level of <\/span>Shamir\u2019s perversions<\/span><\/a> were brought to light. Shamir issued a well-worded \u201capology\u201d and nobody has heard of or from him since.<\/span>\n\nOver the last weekend, a number of men who spoke the right language, were equipped with the right vocabulary to express the right kind of views on liberal issues were <\/span>named as perpetrators<\/span><\/a>. <\/span>\u201cWokeboi poet\u201d<\/span><\/a>. \u201cFeminist comedian\u201d. \u201cLiberal editor\u201d. \u201cProgressive director\u201d. These are men who appeared to be so woke that it made you wonder whether they ever slept at all. Men who were supposed to know better. And yet, here we are, having to explain the basic concept of <\/span>consent<\/span><\/a> to so many of them. \u00a0<\/span>\n

These are men who have completely failed to understand body language or have the ability to read between the lines.<\/blockquote>\nOf course, put it down to years of <\/span>patriarchy<\/span><\/a> and privilege that allowed them to believe that they could get away with flashing their penises, asking girls for nudes, or just generally being toxic. These are men who have completely failed to understand body language or have the ability to read between the lines. These are men who are unable to comprehend enthusiastic <\/span>consent<\/span><\/a> \u2013 the idea that consent is not just about the initial yes, that it goes beyond that. It is judged on whether the person you are interacting with is having a good time, is enjoying what is unfolding between the two of you, whether it is <\/span>sexting<\/span><\/a> or actual sex. \u00a0<\/span>\n\nThe pattern emerging in each of the stories we have heard in the past few days is easy to spot: Men believe that a person who announces in her bio that she has a Tinder profile, is also somehow open to receiving lewd DMs. Replying to DMs is considered a sign of wanting dick pics. A kiss is an invitation to go to second base, and if she is ok with second base, then she is ready for third base too. Even for these supposedly progressive men, this pattern of speculative thinking where the girl is always, in some way DTF, seems to be the norm. For instance, Chakraborty claimed he \u201cassumed\u201d that because the girls chose to engage with him on <\/span>Snapchat<\/span><\/a>, they were okay with sending nudes. <\/span>\n\nThese assumptions fly in the face of enthusiastic consent. And that\u2019s a concept we should be retrofitting before any interactions with women. <\/span>\n\nEnthusiastic consent is when both you and your partner are engaged in the sexual activity with equal appetite. If you\u2019re sending her <\/span>dick pics<\/span><\/a> when she didn\u2019t ask for them, that is a violation of enthusiastic consent. If you\u2019re down to your boxers while she\u2019s still contemplating removing her top, it\u2019s not enthusiastic consent. If you\u2019re kissing and she\u2019s frozen but not stopping you, that isn\u2019t enthusiastic consent. If you\u2019re having sex but she\u2019s just lying there, that isn\u2019t enthusiastic consent either. <\/span>\n\nAnother thing to remember is that despite being a boyfriend, husband or a just casual fling, you are not entitled to <\/span>sex<\/span><\/a>. It doesn\u2019t matter if it was enthusiastic last week or a couple of hours ago, if your partner isn\u2019t engaging you, stop.<\/span>\n\nLemme say it one last time: A yes is a yes, only when it is enthusiastic. \u00a0<\/span>\n\nA Time Magazine <\/span>essay<\/span><\/a> on consent quotes Ebony Tucker, the advocacy director at the America\u2019s National Alliance to End Sexual Violence: \u201cIf you don\u2019t have enthusiastic consent, it could be that you\u2019re ignoring what your partner is conveying verbally or non-verbally because you want to engage in activity. You\u2019re not considering what the person is conveying because you\u2019re not interested in having an experience with another person \u2014 you\u2019re interested in yourself.\u201d <\/span>\n\nThat\u2019s exactly what the problem is. Be it Chakraborty or Bahl, Indian men are too full of themselves to even bother asking their partners or the people they are interacting with, if they are interested in them. Asking won\u2019t make you any less of a man \u2013 not asking most certainly will reduce you to a dick. <\/span>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Over the last weekend, a number of men who spoke the right language, were equipped with the right vocabulary to express the right kind of views on liberal issues were named as sexual harassers. None of these progressive men seemed to know about the concept of enthusiastic consent.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":166,"featured_media":3445,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[170],"tags":[2588,6576,943,2777,2592,6577,408,1617,2262,111,6567,6578],"class_list":["post-3444","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-gender","tag-metoo","tag-assault","tag-consent","tag-crime","tag-gender","tag-mahima-kukreja","tag-sex","tag-sexual-abuse","tag-sexuality","tag-twitter","tag-utsav-chakraborty","tag-woke-men"],"yoast_head":"\nHey Indian Men, Let\u2019s Talk About Enthusiastic Consent<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Over the last weekend, a number of men who spoke the right language, were equipped with the right vocabulary to express the right kind of views on liberal issues were named as sexual harassers. 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