{"id":3414,"date":"2016-04-11T23:32:07","date_gmt":"2016-04-11T18:02:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=3414"},"modified":"2016-04-11T23:32:07","modified_gmt":"2016-04-11T18:02:07","slug":"mirror-sex-girlfriend-self-love","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=3414","title":{"rendered":"What My Girlfriend\u2019s Kink for Mirror Sex Taught Me about Self-Love"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

M<\/span><\/p>ehak and I had the textbook millennial meet-cute: Meeting on a dating app and catching feels despite initially deciding we\u2019ll have a no-strings-attached <\/span>fling<\/span><\/a>. After four months together \u2013 as is often the case in the honeymoon period \u2013 the sex was particularly <\/span>adventurous<\/span><\/a>. Apart from just one pesky detail: her insistence on watching us in the act.<\/span><\/span>\n\nWe\u2019ve always had an element of spontaneity while having sex, but the one constant was Mehak leading me to this wall-to-wall mirror in my room. In fact, it became so common that I began timing exactly at which point during my <\/span>sex playlist<\/span><\/a> we\u2019d end up in front of the mirror \u2013 last time it was when \u201cTum Ho\u201d started playing. But I digress. <\/span>\n\nIn the beginning, this was really hot. But after a couple of weeks, the mirror just made me anxious. There was something about how much she enjoyed watching herself during sex that made me wonder if I was even needed for this part. I felt like this was some sort of a threesome, where my job was to\u2026 do nothing maybe. I felt like a <\/span>third-wheel<\/span><\/a> between Mehak and the mirror. It didn\u2019t really matter if I was on auto-pilot, or had stubbed my toe on the side of the bed. <\/span>\n\nLike most cis-hetero males raised in India, I initially believed that sex should ideally take place in the dark, or with little visual stimuli apart from flowers coming close together (thanks, Bollywood.) In fact, well into my late teens, I too wasn\u2019t comfortable with the idea of lights-on sex until I discovered <\/span>Naughty America<\/span><\/i>. And now in my mid 20s when dudes my age would give an arm and a leg for a kinky partner, I couldn\u2019t wrap my head around why mirror sex made me <\/span>so anxious<\/span><\/a>. Which, mixed up with my usual dose of routine anxiety about focusing on her pleasure and whether I was being a good enough partner, was a bit hard to take. <\/span>\n\nSo there I was: Wrestling with the possibility that my girlfriend probably enjoyed getting off to herself more than sex with me. My <\/span>uneasiness<\/span><\/a> kept growing with each passing week. My Google search history was shot with countless essays I\u2019d read on <\/span>autoeroticism<\/span><\/a>; office hours were filled up reading up on <\/span>katoptronophilia<\/span><\/a>, or an affinity to sexual acts in front of mirrors. <\/span>\n

This whole thing about mirror sex isn\u2019t so much about narcissism, as people relaying back to themselves how they are being pleasured, which in turns heightens desire.<\/blockquote>\nI felt compelled to bring this up with Mehak but figured it was still early days and maybe I should just go with the flow, whatever floated her boat, really, I was happy if she was happy, even if I was just an accessory to the act, because I like to believe <\/span>I am a woke man<\/span><\/a>. This lasted all of three days. <\/span>\n\nI reached my breaking point the night Mehak insisted we tilt the mirror to face the bed, so she could watch me going down on her, while she watched herself smoking a <\/span>cigarette<\/span><\/a>. I obliged, with a short mental pep talk that this wasn\u2019t about me. As I tilted my chin slightly upward to get a breather, I caught a glimpse of her sitting up, staring intently at the mirror, cigarette in mouth and making sexy eyes. At herself. This was when I realised I needed to address it, if I didn\u2019t want to lose my girlfriend to a mirror goddammit. <\/span>\n\nSo later that night, as Mehak and I sat across from each other at a suburban Chinese restaurant, I gingerly broached the subject with a tame, \u201cI am all for loving oneself, Mehak but…\u201d I prodded further despite her slightly askew smile and curiously clenched eyebrows suggesting I shouldn\u2019t. \u201c… But this isn\u2019t the first time I\u2019ve seen you <\/span>checking yourself out<\/span><\/a> in the mirror during sex. Hey, you do you, girl, but umm, do you… do you not get off to anything else but yourself?\u201d Phew. <\/span>\n\nIt turns out, my fears were completely unfounded \u2013 well, almost. This whole thing about mirror sex isn\u2019t so much about narcissism, as people relaying back to themselves how they are being pleasured, which in turns heightens desire. I\u2019d imagine it\u2019s a little like people who enjoy watching <\/span>pornography<\/span><\/a> while they have sex. Except this is somehow better because they know that the material they are watching is safe, consensual, and not exploitative. As far as I was concerned, I was happy to have had a small role to play in the proceedings. I returned to my dinner, satisfied, when she lay into me with one final quip, \u201cStill, I\u2019d totally do me.\u201d<\/span>\n\nThat night, Mehak taught me an <\/span>important lesson<\/span><\/a> about sexuality: It\u2019s okay to love yourself, a lesson I could use to turn my insecurity into appreciation. Once I dropped my apprehensions and began immersing myself into the act, \u00a0I developed a newfound <\/span>appreciation for mirror sex<\/span><\/a>. And my own body. <\/span>\n\nI haven\u2019t said this to her in person, but I imagine that Mehak\u2019s \u201cI\u2019d totally do me\u201d translates to something bigger. A declaration that in a world where so many of us live so much of our lives despising the folds, stretch marks, scars, and flab on our bodies, mirror sex is a step towards <\/span>cherishing your body<\/span><\/a> in all it\u2019s natural beauty and acknowledging that it\u2019s the best version of you right now. You could even say that mirror sex might be the closest sexual iteration of Geet\u2019s \u201c<\/span>Main Apni Favourite Hoon.<\/span><\/a>\u201d <\/span>\n\nI\u2019m still ages away from saying, \u201cHmm, I\u2019d totally do me.\u201d For now, I\u2019m just glad I\u2019m not third-wheeling. <\/span>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My partner loved mirror sex and it made me anxious. I\u2019ve caught her on several occasions staring intently, making sexy eyes at herself. But it was only when I brought it up with her that I realised it wasn\u2019t so much about narcissism, but a way of cherishing your own body.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":257,"featured_media":3415,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[5734,3966,6541,3471,224,6542,6543,408],"class_list":["post-3414","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-love-and-sex","tag-comfort","tag-couples","tag-kinks","tag-kinky","tag-love","tag-mirror","tag-sensual","tag-sex"],"yoast_head":"\nWhat My Girlfriend\u2019s Kink for Mirror Sex Taught Me about Self-Love<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"My partner loved mirror sex and it made me anxious. 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