{"id":3384,"date":"2016-07-11T20:35:39","date_gmt":"2016-07-11T15:05:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=3384"},"modified":"2016-07-11T20:35:39","modified_gmt":"2016-07-11T15:05:39","slug":"slowly-give-up-on-fasting-married-indian-woman","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=3384","title":{"rendered":"How to Slowly Give Up on Vrats: A Married Indian Woman\u2019s Cheat Sheet"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

O<\/span><\/p><\/div>

ur celebrations are as much about fasting as feasting. In the holy month of Shravan, the Somvar Vrat is enough to cancel out any <\/span>#MondayMotivation<\/span><\/a>. Then there are the <\/span>Navratri<\/span><\/a> and <\/span>Karva Chauth<\/span><\/a> fasts, because how else do you prove your devotion to all your parmeshwars? Apart from these mega vrats, there\u2019s a long list of weekly mini vrats for mini and maxi Gods. \u00a0<\/span>\n\nI used to fast every <\/span>Monday<\/span><\/a>, in addition to many other<\/span> Hum Saath Saath Hain <\/span><\/i>type of festivals, much to the delight of my mother and mother-in-law. In my youthful naivete, I observed all mini vrats and some mega ones, because I was told there was a special place in heaven for people who fasted as much as they can. It\u2019s tough to keep track anyway but as I grow older, I find it hard to cope with all the <\/span>fasting<\/span><\/a>. <\/span>\n\nAt a festival we celebrated recently, I was mid-fast, and my daughter was mid-exam and we were both premenstrual. It turned into a ticking time-bomb situation pretty quickly. After our 35th argument that day, my <\/span>daughter<\/span><\/a> asked me why I fasted if it made me so cranky and I had no sharp retort ready to put her in her place. \u201cBecause that\u2019s just how it is,\u201d doesn\u2019t seem to work with her as well as it worked with me. My parents or in-laws never gave me an explanation; they expected me to blindly follow the rituals. <\/span>\n\nMy mother\u2019s answer to every <\/span>family<\/span><\/a> problem, including bad report cards, was an upvas so it was hard not to be influenced. She fasted religiously every Monday, Thursday, and Saturday for my father\u2019s health, her children\u2019s well-being, and other sundry reasons that I was unaware of. <\/span>\n\nThe day after the face-off with my daughter, I armed myself with a big bowl of leftover halwa because deep thinking required a full stomach. She deserved some real answers about why women were expected to fast on many festivals, especially since most fasts involve the well-being of the <\/span>patidev<\/span><\/a>, who often fritters away this hard-won long life by watching cricket matches and silly political debates on television.<\/span>\n\n

I decided to cut down on all the mini vrats, but I wasn\u2019t bold enough to stop the two mega vrats that were observed each year for the well-being of the patidev.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\nFasting is a kind of bribe we offer to that Big Boss in the sky. It is a price we pay to prove to Him (or Her) that we are pious, holy and obedient souls, so that, in return, he showers us with all kinds of goodies like a great spouse who will live a long life and keep us supplied with <\/span>exotic vacations<\/span><\/a> and companionship. The thought that my husband might catch an incurable affliction if I eat on those days when I am not supposed to, is both ludicrous and scary at the same time. So I always felt that it was better to be on the safe side and carry on the fasting tradition started by my mother and encouraged wholeheartedly by my mother-in-law. The modern me justified this decision by claiming that a few <\/span>skipped meals<\/span><\/a> would keep the digestive system humming along nicely and allow me to keep wearing my ultra-skinny jeans. A Monday fruit-only fast after bingeing on the weekend made complete sense to me. That it was also going to make my husband live longer was a bonus.<\/span>\n\nThe first sign that I needed to curb my <\/span>religious fervour<\/span><\/a> and fasts appeared as I grew older when most vrats were followed by headaches: some were mild and some were raging migraines. The Somvar Vrat-cum-fruit-only cleanse died a natural death because the Guest of Honour of the Vrat, the Patidev himself, had no sympathy for my growling stomach and often arrived late from the office. He then proceeded to become so conscious about his diet and <\/span>fitness<\/span><\/a> that I worried that fasting for his good health would just make me look greedy and then Big Boss would punish us with 21 lifetimes together instead of the customary seven. That was frightening.<\/span>\n\nI decided to cut down on all the mini vrats, but I wasn\u2019t bold enough to stop the two mega vrats that were observed each year for the well-being of the patidev. The mind might be logical, but the heart is still filmy. Every time I\u00a0tell myself that it\u2019d be the last time I fast, I am assaulted by a mental image of the <\/span>patidev<\/span><\/a> clutching his chest in agony while blood spurts from a wound on his head because I was a bad wife who did not fast. In the interest of equality, many couples now fast together but the romanticism of the husband fasting along with the wife escapes me. How are two hungry bodies better than one? Two negatives make a positive only in mathematics not human physiology.<\/span>\n\nInforming the dear old ladies of the family was another problem. To them, <\/span>festivals<\/span><\/a> are not a chore, so silent execution was a wiser option than a grand public declaration. I casually mumbled to both sets of mothers (when they were napping), that I\u2019d discontinued some of my vrats. Fasting and feasting takes a toll on an older woman\u2019s body, but even hinting that you are putting your own health above your husband\u2019s is a very unsanskari and anti-Indian thing to do. <\/span>\n\nIt would be helpful for all concerned if menopausal, diabetic, and other medically challenged women were discouraged from observing vrats, but nobody has mustered up enough courage to pass such a rule yet. I remember the time when a friend told her mother-in-law that she wasn\u2019t up to fasting on <\/span>Karva Chauth<\/span><\/a> anymore \u2013 it caused a major storm in the family and her MIL observed a maun vrat for almost a year. Personally, I don\u2019t see the problem, but my friend was deeply upset since the vrat was directed only at her.<\/span>\n\nEven as we fight patriarchy every day, it\u2019s disheartening that the preservation of festivals, customs, and traditions are still a woman\u2019s responsibility. Today, a woman can claim to be a bad cook or a bad housekeeper or a <\/span>bad mother<\/span><\/a> without batting an eyelid, but it\u2019s still not okay for a woman to declare that she is not religious \u2013 at least within her own family. <\/span>\n\nMy daughter gives me hope, though. She insists she isn\u2019t the \u201cvrat type\u201d and doesn\u2019t see herself as a preserver of culture and traditions. And even if she changes her mind after meeting patidev, she\u2019d probably design an app that would do the job for her. I think that\u2019s an idea we can all get behind, including my mother-in-law. <\/span>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cWhy do you fast if it makes you so cranky,\u201d my daughter asked. Really, why are women expected to fast, especially for the well-being of the patidev, who anyway fritters away this hard-won long life by watching cricket matches and silly political debates on television?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":179,"featured_media":3385,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[170],"tags":[2134,5318,944,827,6504,520,6505,952],"class_list":["post-3384","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-gender","tag-fasting","tag-festival","tag-husband","tag-karva-chauth","tag-karva-chauth-festival","tag-religion","tag-religions","tag-wife"],"yoast_head":"\nHow to Slowly Give Up on Vrats: A Married Indian Woman\u2019s Cheat Sheet<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"\u201cWhy do you fast if it makes you so cranky,\u201d my daughter asked. 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Really, why are women expected to fast, especially for the well-being of the patidev, who anyway fritters away this hard-won long life by watching cricket matches and silly political debates on television?\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=3384\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Arr\u00e9\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2016-07-11T15:05:39+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/1537958040.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1520\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"850\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Ashwina Garg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:title\" content=\"How to Slowly Give Up on Vrats: A Married Indian Woman\u2019s Cheat Sheet\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:description\" content=\"\u201cWhy do you fast if it makes you so cranky,\u201d my daughter asked. 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