{"id":3382,"date":"2016-05-31T17:11:53","date_gmt":"2016-05-31T11:41:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=3382"},"modified":"2016-05-31T17:11:53","modified_gmt":"2016-05-31T11:41:53","slug":"men-women-did-you-like-it-after-sex","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=3382","title":{"rendered":"Dear Men, Please Stop Asking Us \u201cDid You Like It?\u201d Just After Sex"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I<\/span><\/p><\/div>

t was 1 am, just a few minutes after we\u2019d had <\/span>sex<\/span><\/a>. We were in that fragile span when things could potentially get awkward really fast as both of us struggled to put our clothes back on, consciously avoiding eye contact. Just when I was clumsily hopping about with one leg inside my jeans, he looked at me and asked, \u201cSo, did you like it?\u201d<\/span>\n\nHis timing was just… all wrong. My brain immediately went into an overdrive, \u201cUh, so parts of it were really <\/span>uncomfortable<\/span><\/a>. I wish you\u2019d used less tongue, I feel sticky and sore… I liked when you held my waist, hated when you grabbed my hair \u2013 it was not mind-blowing, but it wasn\u2019t also bad.\u201d As I prepared to parrot these words out, he kept looking at me like a deer caught in the headlights. I noticed a vein throbbing in his neck, so I plastered a smile on my face, and instead answered, \u201cYeah, it was amazing.\u201d I could see his face relax and the tension in the room dissipate. We ended up affectionately cuddling. He was satisfied with his performance; I was glad that he was content.<\/span>\n\nThat night, I couldn\u2019t stop thinking about how different his reaction would have been if I\u2019d honestly told him how I felt. It wasn\u2019t the first time I was experiencing this mental volte-face. I\u2019m certain <\/span>women<\/span><\/a> around the world make these rapid mental calculations when forced to give a sex report card right after class ends. <\/span>\n\nThe asking of the question doesn\u2019t bother me \u2013 after all, the healthiest, most satisfying sexual relationships are premised on <\/span>honesty<\/span><\/a> \u2013 as much as the import of the question… and the damage that a frank assessment has the potential to inflict. The query seems like some sort of a validation, sought to massage your partner\u2019s ego. The focus is less about the <\/span>pleasure<\/span><\/a> of the partners, and more about the man\u2019s performance. <\/span>\n\nThis is unfair to both the partners: It places the entire burden of sexual satisfaction on the male partner, causing this <\/span>anxiety<\/span><\/a>. It negates the role of the female partner in the equation, who could well be holding the keys to a great encounter. And then, when a sexual encounter underwhelms the partners, their right to be disappointed is undercut by the man\u2019s dejection. <\/span>\n\n

Come to think of it, I\u2019m less angered by how ill-equipped most men are to guide a woman to her orgasm than I am with how hard this world has made it for us to tell them that we didn\u2019t like it.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\nFor women, \u201cDid you like it?\u201d is always a loaded question. Not because, we don\u2019t know the answer to it, but because how on earth do we answer it without making the guy feel insecure, defensive, or insulted? Besides, what\u2019s the barometer for \u201cliking it\u201d? <\/span>\n\nThink about what we\u2019ve been fed about losing our <\/span>virginity<\/span><\/a>. Women have repeatedly been told that sex will be painful for them the first time. Even before we begin to have sex, we subconsciously prepare for someone else\u2019s pleasure. Considering our introduction to sex, it\u2019s not difficult to see why women don\u2019t go into sexual encounters expecting a mind-blowing <\/span>orgasm<\/span><\/a>. Our expectations are in fact disgustingly low. In an essay titled <\/span>\u201cThe Female Price Of Male Pleasure\u201d<\/span><\/a>, Lily Loofbourow, writes, \u201cWomen have spent decades politely ignoring their own discomfort and pain to give men maximal pleasure. They\u2019ve gamely pursued <\/span>love<\/span><\/a> and sexual fulfilment despite tearing and bleeding and other symptoms of \u2018bad sex.\u2019\u201d<\/span>\n\nAs we\u2019ve read in <\/span>books<\/span><\/a>, seen in movies, and experienced in our daily lives, male pleasure is so central to the sex act, that men are rarely taught the language of female pleasure. You don\u2019t need a study to tell you that more men orgasm through sex than women, (although, there are <\/span>plenty<\/span><\/a>) or movies that comfortably peddle just how much men enjoy sex, while women\u2019s sexual pleasure is framed as a mythical, unattainable creature. <\/span>\n\nUnfortunately, this <\/span>patriarchal conditioning<\/span><\/a> has also trickled down to how most women view sex when they start off \u2013 an act where their pleasure is optional. Later in our lives, even when we know better, we\u2019ve habituated ourselves to putting on a moan in bed\u2026 or promptly smiling and nodding enthusiastically when asked that dreaded question. <\/span>\n\nCome to think of it, I\u2019m less angered by how ill-equipped most men are to guide a woman to her orgasm than I am with how hard this world has made it for us to tell them that we didn\u2019t like it. <\/span>Masculinity<\/span><\/a> is such a fragile thing that even the tiniest indication that you were uncomfortable will be perceived as a lack of <\/span>his<\/span><\/i> sexual prowess. <\/span>\n\nYou see, when a man asks a woman \u201cDid you like it?\u201d, we already know that he doesn\u2019t really want to know the truth. Because, for men, orgasms are slam dunks and they all hope to be Michael Jordans. <\/span>\n\nSo maybe, it\u2019s up to us women to be honest with our partners when they ask us \u201cDid you like it?\u201d. They might end being a little more receptive to the answer. Or maybe, if all that feels too revolutionary, we can probably flip the timing of the question. So how about asking us if we like it <\/span>during<\/span><\/i> sex<\/span><\/a>? \u00a0<\/span>\n\nWe\u2019d be much more inclined to give you an A that way.<\/span>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

For women, \u201cDid you like it?\u201d is always a loaded question. Not because, we don\u2019t know the answer to it. But how on earth do we answer it with honesty without making our partners feel insecure, defensive, or insulted?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":279,"featured_media":3383,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[224,2402,22,408,735],"class_list":["post-3382","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-love-and-sex","tag-love","tag-men","tag-relationships","tag-sex","tag-women"],"yoast_head":"\nDear Men, Please Stop Asking Us \u201cDid You Like It?\u201d Just After Sex<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"For women, \u201cDid you like it?\u201d is always a loaded question. Not because, we don\u2019t know the answer to it. 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