{"id":3374,"date":"2016-05-03T01:03:35","date_gmt":"2016-05-02T19:33:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=3374"},"modified":"2016-05-03T01:03:35","modified_gmt":"2016-05-02T19:33:35","slug":"30-never-love-relationships-dating-singlehood","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=3374","title":{"rendered":"What It Feels Like to Be 30 and Never Have Been in Love"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

“D<\/span><\/p><\/div>

ude seriously do you even understand how <\/span>break-ups<\/span><\/a> work,\u201d exclaimed my weeping, heartbroken colleague whom I was miserably failing to console. She was right. I have personally never experienced it, but have witnessed friends dealing with it. And I\u2019ve also seen a lot of <\/span>rom-coms<\/span><\/a>. So I told her, I\u2019ve never had any break-ups because I\u2019ve never been in love. I\u2019ve never been in love because I\u2019ve never had any serious relationships.<\/span>\n\nAnd with that confession I became the consolee from the consoler. I have gone through this drill often and I knew how it ends \u2013 with people suggesting that I put myself out there. <\/span>\n\nBeing 30 and never having been in <\/span>love<\/span><\/a> is a curious position. It is the equivalent of living in Mumbai and never having a tasted a vada pav or being in Delhi and never hearing, \u201cTu jaanta nahin mera <\/span>baap<\/span><\/a> kaun hai.\u201d You are the oddball, the anomaly, the socially handicapped and emotionally vacant. \u00a0<\/span>\n\nI don\u2019t think I am either. \u00a0<\/span>\n\nI just haven\u2019t had some of the experiences that most \u201cnormal\u201d people at my age have. I\u2019ve never had <\/span>high-school<\/span><\/a> romances, only crushes (nothing too passionate). I\u2019ve never had to spend sleepless nights thinking about what to gift someone on <\/span>Valentine\u2019s Day<\/span><\/a> in college, I\u2019ve never received any gifts either. I\u2019ve never had any scandalous office relationships (again, just passing crushes). The closest romantic experience I\u2019ve had is when some anonymous canteen guy working in the kitchen of my office would send me heart-shaped sandwiches. I\u2019d smile and eat them, I never found out who it was, and then I quit.<\/span>\n\nI know what love feels like theoretically \u2014 considering I get my dose of dopamine from chocolates. Allow me to give you the lowdown on what life on this other side looks like.<\/span>\n\nWhen you have been <\/span>single<\/span><\/a> for too long, there\u2019s always this one phase which is on repeat mode. It starts with meeting a prospective new love interest and feeling all the hope and excitement that Yash Chopra movies have been peddling you for decades. You almost always ask the guy out, but then you begin to hope that it does not go anywhere. If he says yes and you have a date, you are terrified: It means now you have to put on a nice dress, make a list of interesting things to talk about, and be more likeable. The fact that all your days of singlehood have made you too comfortable in your own skin doesn\u2019t help. <\/span>\n\n

You wonder how you ended up here. How did you miss the memo about falling in love at the right age, and have enough time to scope out your one great love?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\nOn the date you anxiously try to strike a conversation in an attempt to find common ground. You are not looking for perfection, but you too have certain expectations, that are probably set all wrong. Somewhere towards the end of the <\/span>date<\/span><\/a> you realise, you were trying to get to know the person, but all he wants is a casual fling. You even try to fit into the mould because like it or not, that\u2019s how love is done these days. So you find yourself on a bed with someone you barely know. <\/span>\n\nBut that\u2019s all there is. You\u2019re fine with <\/span>casual sex<\/span><\/a>, but not being able to have a genuine conversation is a dealbreaker. No amount of passionate heavy petting or enjoying each other\u2019s bodies can compensate for that sadly. <\/span>\n\nSo you retreat, and tell yourself what Don Draper once said on <\/span>Mad Men<\/span><\/i>,<\/span> \u201cThe reason you haven\u2019t felt [love] is because it doesn\u2019t exist. What you call love is what guys like me have invented to sell Nylons.\u201d <\/span>Love<\/span><\/a> seems like a grand conspiracy to disrupt your peace. Romance is an exhausting thing to pursue.<\/span>\n\nThat said, your loneliness can be daunting, especially when you see your friends and cousins in love, getting hitched. You become a serial third-wheeler and just someone your married friend turns to when they don\u2019t have plans with their spouse. When you miss the intimacy, it drives you to reinstall that <\/span>dating<\/span><\/a> app which you\u2019ve already deleted a dozen times, only to realise once again that there is no one really out there. <\/span>\n\nYou can\u2019t bring yourself to go through the ordeal that is modern dating. You fire your inefficient Cupid. You begin to savour your freedom and hope to become the \u201ccat lady\u201dsoon.<\/span>\n\nYou wonder how you ended up here. How did you miss the memo about falling in love at the right age, and have enough time to scope out your one great love? I know I was either too busy studying, finding and keeping a job, and trying to figure out who I really was. I\u2019m either just not cut out for this arduous level of multi-tasking or as my friend tells me, \u201cMaybe I\u2019m just too rational to be in love.\u201d <\/span>\n\nIt\u2019s true. Maybe I\u2019d rather sail alone than be with the wrong companion. An essay I read in the Guardian titled \u201c<\/span>I\u2019m a Relationship Virgin: I\u2019m 54 and Have Never had a Boyfriend\u201d<\/span><\/a> floated the idea of people who are <\/span>\u201csomehow programmed to be single.\u201d <\/span>Maybe I am single at heart. <\/span>\n\nSo when friends tag me in articles such as \u201c<\/span>36 questions designed to help you fall in love with anyone<\/span><\/a>\u201d and relatives send me promo codes to matrimonial websites I laugh it off. I still love the idea of romance \u2014 but now I consider myself the queen of singlehood, the Liz Lemon of my world, who believes that \u201call anyone really wants in this life is to sit in peace and eat a sandwich\u201d. <\/span>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2019m 30 and I\u2019ve never been in a serious relationship. That\u2019s because I\u2019ve never been in love before. Today, I can\u2019t bring myself to go through the ordeal that is modern dating. Or maybe I\u2019m single at heart.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":289,"featured_media":3375,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[505,224,6501,22,6502],"class_list":["post-3374","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-love-and-sex","tag-dating","tag-love","tag-no-love","tag-relationships","tag-singlehood"],"yoast_head":"\nWhat It Feels Like to Be 30 and Never Have Been in Love<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I\u2019m 30 and I\u2019ve never been in a serious relationship. That\u2019s because I\u2019ve never been in love before. Today, I can\u2019t bring myself to go through the ordeal that is modern dating. 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