{"id":3370,"date":"2016-06-02T14:17:27","date_gmt":"2016-06-02T08:47:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=3370"},"modified":"2016-06-02T14:17:27","modified_gmt":"2016-06-02T08:47:27","slug":"feminist-and-old-fashioned-romantic","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=3370","title":{"rendered":"Can You Be a Feminist and an Old-Fashioned Romantic?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

O<\/span><\/p><\/div>

nce upon a time, there lived a princess. For all her wit, beauty, and intellect, her life seemed incomplete, until Prince Charming came along and saved the day with a grand, romantic gesture of <\/span>love<\/span><\/a> to sweep her off her feet. You\u2019re probably unsure which fairy tale I\u2019m talking about, because all of them have the same pattern \u2013 it begins with once upon a time and ends with a happily ever after. Cinderella\u2019s prince went from house to house, in an arduous search for the maiden whose foot would fit the glass slipper. Snow White\u2019s prince rode through cruel forests to find her and give her the kiss of life. <\/span>\n\nThese are the stories we were raised on as little girls, and as we grew up, pop culture reinforced the notion that romance equals theatrical displays of undying love. Bollywood\u2019s idea of love meant a boy \u201cpursuing\u201d a girl, regardless of her wishes, and no Hollywood <\/span>rom-com<\/span><\/a> can end without a romantic date that\u2019s probably grander than most weddings, capped off by a dreamy ending that even Cinderella, Snow White, and Prince Charming would kill for.<\/span>\n\nAs girls who formed their ideas of romance against this backdrop, it\u2019s only natural that that\u2019s what we look for in our relationships. It is only today, in the age of <\/span>#MeToo<\/span><\/a>, that we began to wonder if Snow White <\/span>consented<\/span><\/a> to \u201ctrue love\u2019s kiss\u201d, and think of Cinderella\u2019s prince as an obsessive stalker. <\/span>\n\n

For starters, we need to get rid of the popular misconception that feminists are man-haters. And then try and make the playing field a little more even.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\nAs someone who identifies as a <\/span>feminist<\/span><\/a>, I strive for equality in every sphere, but it also leaves me in a grey area, especially when it comes to pursuing a \u201ctraditional\u201d relationship. I want him to send me a cheesy \u201cGood morning, beautiful\u201d message every day, but I know that my self-worth shouldn\u2019t hinge so strongly on a man\u2019s validation. I want to be whisked away to a private table at the beach, dining under the stars, with the soundtrack of the waves lapping against the shore. But I also know that it\u2019s unfair to put that much pressure on him. If I have an ideal date in mind, I\u2019m just as capable of making it happen as he is, right?<\/span>\n\nSo has feminism ruined romance for me? Does the fact that I\u2019m up in arms at the mere suggestion that women are expected to sweep the floor and give up their careers for their kids because that\u2019s their \u201crole in society\u201d, mean that I no longer qualify to be swept off my feet? How does an old-fashioned romantic reconcile with her feminist beliefs?<\/span>\n\nAn essay titled <\/span>\u201cIs Feminism Killing Romance?\u201d<\/span><\/a> goes to the heart of this confusion. \u201cSo does that mean that men should stop initiating romantic relationships or that women should start picking up the bill? In the short term (on a first date for example), conforming to cultural scripts may facilitate interactions, so long as both partners are on the same page. But in the longer-term, perpetuating gendered inequalities in our romantic relationships will likely cause more harm than good. Gender equality in relationships doesn\u2019t mean that we lose the romance. If anything, it lays the basis for more satisfying and healthier relationships.\u201d <\/span>\n\nMaybe, there is a way to reconcile the two. <\/span>\n\nFor starters, we need to get rid of the popular <\/span>misconception<\/span><\/a> that feminists are man-haters. And then try and make the playing field a little more even. Sure, this will mean unlearning what we\u2019ve been taught since our parents first heard the words, \u201cIt\u2019s a girl!\u201d, but breaking a few <\/span>patriarchal norms<\/span><\/a> tops breaking your own heart. Some mornings, I wake up on the truly feminist side of the bed and send him a mushy message. Other nights, I plan over-the-top, romantic dates instead of waiting for him. <\/span>\n\nIt helps to date someone who\u2019s socially aware, enough to shake you out of your denial \u2013 someone who loves you enough to do what you asked for, but also, through their actions, makes you question why you felt the need to ask at all. I did, and I found myself retiring my long-running \u201cfeminism has ruined romance\u201d joke to contemplate the societal double-standard staring us in the face. <\/span>\n\nMaybe, the trick, as always, lies in finding the right partner. <\/span>\n\nFind someone who\u2019ll light-heartedly joke on how \u201cconvenient\u201d your feminism is, and how, at times, he wants to feel pampered and pretty too. A person who\u2019ll send you a beautiful bouquet of flowers at work, with a note on how the people at the flower-shop wouldn\u2019t allow him to puke on the lovely arrangement. Who\u2019ll give you all the validation you need (and even the validation you don\u2019t), but will also push you to become a better person.<\/span>\n\nI learned long ago that real life isn\u2019t like the fairy tales. But that doesn\u2019t mean a girl can\u2019t hope for a happily-ever-after.<\/span>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

As a feminist, I strive for equality in every sphere, but it also leaves me in a grey area when it comes to \u201ctraditional\u201d relationships. I want to be whisked away to a private table at the beach and dine under the stars. But I also know that if I have an ideal date in mind, I\u2019m as capable of making it happen as he is.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":288,"featured_media":3371,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[107],"tags":[3966,505,4670,4848,224,22,6497,408,735,3685],"class_list":["post-3370","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-pov","tag-couples","tag-dating","tag-feminist","tag-gender-equality","tag-love","tag-relationships","tag-romantic","tag-sex","tag-women","tag-women-empowerment"],"yoast_head":"\nCan You Be a Feminist and an Old-Fashioned Romantic?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"As a feminist, I strive for equality in every sphere, but it also leaves me in a grey area when it comes to \u201ctraditional\u201d relationships. I want to be whisked away to a private table at the beach and dine under the stars. 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