{"id":326,"date":"2016-06-20T09:27:00","date_gmt":"2016-06-20T09:27:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=326"},"modified":"2016-06-20T09:27:00","modified_gmt":"2016-06-20T09:27:00","slug":"top-gear-jeremy-clarkson-chris-evans","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=326","title":{"rendered":"How a Car Show Became a Train Wreck"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

T<\/span><\/p>hank God it\u2019s finally over!<\/span>\n\nOf all the dramatic departures the English have staged in the last few weeks, whether at the <\/span>European Union<\/span><\/a> or <\/span>Euro 2016<\/span><\/a>, there was one that I was very glad to see. The new and beastly season of <\/span>Top Gear<\/span><\/i>, six episodes long (six episodes too long!), is mercifully over. Not that anyone expected much out of it, considering the show was primed for failure long before the first episode of the new season even aired. <\/span>\n\nIt set records for the lowest viewership numbers <\/span>Top Gear<\/span><\/i> has ever seen, attracting fewer than four million viewers on home turf. If you think that\u2019s a lot then know this: With the old hosts Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond, and James May, the show<\/span> routinely drew in close to seven million. That\u2019s three million people who hightailed out of this car crash faster than a Bugatti. The Beeb can try and convince itself that it is a \u201cbigger global hit than the Jeremy Clarkson <\/span>version<\/span><\/a>\u201d but even the suits must have got a hint that season 23 was total tosh. Matt LeBlanc looks set to bear the burden of the show solo in the next season (if there is one) after Chris Evans stepped down as the lead. (If anyone needed any confirmation that Chris Evans had a good face for radio, this was it.)<\/span>\n\nThe lack of camaraderie between Evans and Le Blanc was tremendously awkward to watch. In one of the episodes, Matt LeBlanc had just finished reviewing the spanking Porsche 911. The segment had actually ended rather well; I could see a little bit of beloved Joey when LeBlanc shouted, \u201cYou better not eat my sandwich!\u201d at the Stig as he drove away. Then, they cut back to the studio for the usual banter between the hosts, but this is how it unfolded: <\/span>\n\nEvans: <\/span>\u201cHappy?\u201d<\/span><\/i>\n\nLeBlanc: <\/span>\u201cYeah.\u201d<\/span><\/i>\n\nEvans: <\/span>\u201cYeah?\u201d<\/span><\/i>\n\nLeBlanc: <\/span>\u201cI\u2019m in my happy place.\u201d<\/span><\/i>\n\nEvans: <\/span>\u201cYou in your happy place? I can tell. Right. Good for him. Matt\u2019s had his Porsche fix. Now, it\u2019s time for my…\u201d<\/span><\/i>\n\nThat was it. That was the extent of the conversation about a Porsche 911 between the show\u2019s leads. I thought about all the times Hammond must have driven a Porsche 911 around the track. It would inevitably end with Clarkson calling the wide-eyed Hamster an idiot. And it would be hilarious every single time.<\/span>\n\nI know I sound like a prissy fanboy, for whom the new <\/span>Top Gear<\/span><\/i> didn\u2019t stand a chance without its controversial heroes, who often articulated in public what a lot of us would reserve for private conversation in the living room with close friends. You\u2019re right; I am. They called Mexicans lazy, feckless, overweight, and flatulent; used the N-word once; and were once chased by a mob in Argentina after the number plates on their cars alluded to the Falklands War of 1982. Inappropriate? Frequently. Funny? As hell.<\/span>\n\nBut this tightrope-walking was precisely what made <\/span>Top Gear<\/span><\/i> great. It was never really about the cars, or the fantastic production values, or the swooping aerial shots. It was just about three blokes who refused to grow up and were relentless in going one up on the others. Jeremy, the over-confident, impractical bellend who considers \u201cSpeed!\u201d the answer to all problems in life; Hammond, the dynamo with a love for the countryside, bicycles, and American cars; and \u201cCaptain Slow\u201d May, the shaggy-haired music graduate whose deadpan delivery led to some of the show\u2019s funniest moments.<\/span>\n

To replace this legendary, high-level nonsense, the BBC chose a radio jockey and a one-note American sitcom star.<\/blockquote>\nThe three of them could be driving to the mouth of an active volcano, or the North Pole, or crossing the entire friggin\u2019 African continent in cheap cars and it would be funny. They could race against practically anything, including a <\/span>Eurofighter Typhoon<\/span><\/a>, a <\/span>man in a jet pack<\/span><\/a>,<\/span> and <\/span>God<\/span><\/a>. They are also the only people I know who could make light of medical emergencies. <\/span>\n\nIn one of the funnest episodes, <\/span>the trio tried to build \u201cambulances\u201d in their own mould. Clarkson obviously got a sports car; Hammond, a van; and May, a hearse, in case things didn\u2019t work out. In a side-splittingly funny <\/span>segment<\/span><\/a>, they tried to get a patient to the hospital in the shortest time possible. Clarkson went in for the slingshot approach, skidding the car around until the stretcher rolled out due to centrifugal force. Hammond tried to eject the patient using an air cannon for extra speed, but owing to a small mishap, the patient shoots through a closed door into the side of another ambulance. \u201cAs you would expect\u201d May almost \u201cgot it right\u201d, building an autonomous sat nav-directed stretcher, which rolls out of the hospital almost as soon as it enters.<\/span>\n\nThis. This is the kind of calculated buffoonery that you can\u2019t invent. To replace this legendary, high-level nonsense, the BBC chose a radio jockey and a one-note American sitcom star. You know when a relative at a family gathering cracks unfunny jokes that no one laughs at, and you end up feeling embarrassed on their behalf? That was all of us, including the show\u2019s live audience, watching joke after joke bomb on season 23. <\/span>\n\nThe viewers have made their disdain for the new show quite clear, but perhaps the most damning indictment was delivered when a <\/span>video<\/span><\/a> of Clarkson assembling a cardboard box was deemed funnier than the new <\/span>Top Gear<\/span><\/i>. I\u2019ll just wait for the tossers to reconvene in the Amazon show, <\/span>The Grand Tour<\/span><\/i>. Until then, there\u2019s always Captain Slow\u2019s <\/span>Twitter feed<\/span><\/a> to keep me entertained. <\/span>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The new Top Gear was primed for failure long before the first episode of the new season even aired. The Orangutan, the Hamster, and Captain Slow are a tough act to follow.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":56,"featured_media":327,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[82],"tags":[62,63,64,65,66,67,583,584,585,586,587,588,589,590,71,72],"class_list":["post-326","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-pop-culture","tag-arre","tag-arre-digital-platform","tag-arre-originals","tag-arre-reads","tag-arre-text-articles","tag-arre-website","tag-bbc","tag-cars","tag-chris-evans","tag-james-may","tag-jeremy-clarkson","tag-matt-leblanc","tag-richard-hammond","tag-top-gear","tag-web-series","tag-web-shows"],"yoast_head":"\nHow a Car Show Became a Train Wreck<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"The new Top Gear was primed for failure long before the first episode of the new season even aired. 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