{"id":3225,"date":"2016-07-25T09:36:57","date_gmt":"2016-07-25T04:06:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=3225"},"modified":"2016-07-25T09:36:57","modified_gmt":"2016-07-25T04:06:57","slug":"dating-discomfort-physical-intimacy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=3225","title":{"rendered":"Touch Me Not: How to Date When You Hate Physical Affection"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<div class=\"container page-content\"><p><span class=\"dropcap\">I&#8217;<\/span><\/p><\/div><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">ve hated being touched for as long as I can remember. Growing up, family gatherings with more than 10 relatives under one roof were the stuff my nightmares were made of. The mere thought of them rushing in to hug me would immediately send me scurrying in the other direction \u2013 sadly, all exits points would be blocked by my noisy relatives. So I\u2019d awkwardly smile and reluctantly give them a side-hug, hurriedly doing a five-second mental countdown before freeing myself of their clutches.<\/span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Initially, I didn\u2019t think much of my obvious discomfort with physical affection; maybe I was just allergic to over-enthusiastic relatives. Over time, I discovered I was the exact opposite of Katrina Kaif gyrating to \u201cZara zara touch me\u201d. Where other people experience butterflies in their stomach at the thought of cuddling, I only cringe. Just my luck, then, to land a family of huggers and friends who hold hands and high-five more often than the number of flops in Uday Chopra\u2019s career. <\/span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For a long time, I thought that I\u2019d survived the worst. And then I started dating.<\/span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What no one tells you about dating as someone who hates being touched, is that you will have no choice but to constantly be on alert mode. It\u2019ll feel a lot like being an out-of-place cactus in an overcrowded local: There\u2019s absolutely no way you \u2013 or anyone around you \u2013 can feel comfortable. The hardest part is explaining to people that it\u2019s not a condition or a disease: It\u2019s not like I don\u2019t want to express affection. It\u2019s just that my body is still trying to find a way to.<\/span>\n\n<blockquote class=\"quote--center\"><p>What\u2019s worse is that a lot of dates tend to take my hesitation with physical intimacy as a personal insult. Or worse, as a challenge.<\/p><\/blockquote> \n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Like Mia in <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Princess Diaries<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, even I\u2019d imagined that my first kiss was going to be magical. Except it was the worst, for reasons beyond my control. Even though I\u2019d naively believed that I was ready for it, the constant anxiety coupled with the fear of being touched made me shiver and keep my eyes open until my boyfriend had to ask me not to. Not only did it completely take away the spontaneity and charm away from the much hyped \u201cfirst kiss\u201d, but I also didn\u2019t have a good time. And the worst part is, how I felt that day is how I continue to feel about kissing. <\/span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In the age of puppy love and innocent teenage romance, this discomfort with physical affection didn\u2019t affect the outcome of my relationships as severely as it does now. Back then, we were all just curious kids having fun and having a boyfriend was a big deal in the first place. At that time, nobody was looking at intimacy as a contest.<\/span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But now, when we have willingly adopted the \u201cDTF\u201d lifestyle, physical intimacy is the end-all of dating. Apps might have democratised dating, but for someone like me, it\u2019s especially hard to get into relationships when you\u2019re unsure about what you\u2019re ready to do and how far you can go. As I found out in the last few years, I could be ready to kiss someone but at the same time be extremely uncomfortable about him being on top of me. It\u2019s an unfortunate reality but normal declarations of love like an affectionate peck on the cheek, consensual foreplay, or something as lovely as holding hands with a crush, fails to elicit any feeling other than fear. <\/span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What\u2019s worse is that a lot of dates tend to take my hesitation with physical intimacy as a personal insult. Or worse, as a challenge. It\u2019s resulted in a string of bad experiences that ensured that I look at my inability to display affection as a defect. <\/span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It\u2019s only in the last four years that I\u2019ve started warming up to the idea. Now hugs don\u2019t scare me \u2014 not even with men (although I\u2019m much more comfortable around women). But I also can\u2019t help but compensate for my lack of physical affection by emotionally showing people that I love them. Over the last 10 years however, I\u2019ve realised one thing: Sex might be out of my reach, but hugs can be more therapeutic than I\u2019d guessed.<\/span>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>For someone who hates being touched, dating feels a lot like being an out-of-place cactus in an overcrowded local: There\u2019s absolutely no way you or your companion can get comfortable. The hardest part is explaining to people that it\u2019s neither a condition nor a disease.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":274,"featured_media":3226,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[6279,6280,224,6281,22,408],"class_list":["post-3225","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-love-and-sex","tag-discomfort","tag-intimacy","tag-love","tag-physical-intimacy","tag-relationships","tag-sex"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.0 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Touch Me Not: How to Date When You Hate Physical Affection<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"For someone who hates being touched, dating feels a lot like being an out-of-place cactus in an overcrowded local: There\u2019s absolutely no way you or your companion can get comfortable. The hardest part is explaining to people that it\u2019s neither a condition nor a disease.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=3225\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Touch Me Not: How to Date When You Hate Physical Affection\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"For someone who hates being touched, dating feels a lot like being an out-of-place cactus in an overcrowded local: There\u2019s absolutely no way you or your companion can get comfortable. 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The hardest part is explaining to people that it\u2019s neither a condition nor a disease.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Ayushi Murli\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=3225#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=3225\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Ayushi Murli\",\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/fc22f75f3e0521c1aa3e386c5e202219\"},\"headline\":\"Touch Me Not: How to Date When You Hate Physical Affection\",\"datePublished\":\"2016-07-25T04:06:57+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=3225\"},\"wordCount\":744,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=3225#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.207.105.184\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/1535120345.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"discomfort\",\"intimacy\",\"love\",\"physical intimacy\",\"relationships\",\"sex\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Love and Sex\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=3225\",\"url\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=3225\",\"name\":\"Touch Me Not: How to Date When You Hate Physical Affection\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=3225#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/?p=3225#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.207.105.184\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/1535120345.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2016-07-25T04:06:57+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/13.201.39.237\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/fc22f75f3e0521c1aa3e386c5e202219\"},\"description\":\"For someone who hates being touched, dating feels a lot like being an out-of-place cactus in an overcrowded local: There\u2019s absolutely no way you or your companion can get comfortable. 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