{"id":3121,"date":"2016-05-15T19:23:05","date_gmt":"2016-05-15T13:53:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=3121"},"modified":"2016-05-15T19:23:05","modified_gmt":"2016-05-15T13:53:05","slug":"non-judgemental-gynecologist-women-contraception","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=3121","title":{"rendered":"\u201cDivorced? Why Do You Need a Condom?\u201d How to Find a Non-Judgmental Gynaec"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I<\/span><\/p><\/div>

come from a typical <\/span>middle-class household<\/span><\/a> where <\/span>Sooraj Barjatya<\/span><\/a> is a national hero, the cookie box always has sui-dhaga inside it, and <\/span>sex<\/span><\/a> is a forbidden word. Until recently, a visit to the <\/span>gynaecologist<\/span><\/a> required secrecy of the kind the UIDAI would be proud of. Plus, you had to be pregnant to make the trip. Without that, you were surely sick with some kind of Voldemort disease that existed but that you never spoke about. <\/span>\n\nI have ovaries that function like the <\/span>BMC <\/span><\/a>\u2013 they work once in a while. Yet my <\/span>choice to remain childless<\/span><\/a>, despite my faulty marriage, was met with excessive and mindless advice. And my inevitable divorce only made matters worse. The attitude I encountered as a <\/span>divorcee<\/span><\/a> is probably what Dante\u2019s first circle of hell must feel like. <\/span>\n\nA trip to any gynaecologist routinely involved invasive psychoanalysis of my answers to their queries about the separation and my means of coping. A doctor wanted to know how often I had sex when I was married after I complained about my irregular <\/span>menstrual cycle<\/span><\/a>. Another staff member at the doctor\u2019s office insisted that I add the ex-husband\u2019s contact details to my case file, so that they could keep in touch in case they needed consent for any medical procedure \u2013 a 28-year-old woman\u2019s consent for her own medical procedure be damned. To another doctor, my PCOD was linked to my PTSD from the past relationship, and would magically disappear if I stopped \u201coverthinking\u201d. <\/span>\n\nPost the divorce, a typical visit to the gynaecologist came with a healthy side of shaming, both from the doctor and the nurses. A wink, a nudge; a useless question asked with absolute authority. I changed many doctors, until a point where seeking a non-judgemental gynaec seemed like an exercise in proving that unicorns walk the earth. <\/span>\n\nUntil I met Dr Awesome. <\/span>\n\nMy first appointment with her was a maze of questions about my ovarian and blood health with some disapproving looks at my blood reports. I eventually got to the part where I had to tell her that I had been on the pill for a while and getting off them had probably caused my system to begin shuttering. This is when I expected judgmental stares and some free advice to start flowing. But the opposite happened. <\/span>\n\n

The greatest challenge for women \u2013 not just in India, but around the globe \u2013 is the lack of autonomy to make choices about our own bodies, whether they are medical decisions or social ones.<\/p><\/blockquote> \n\n\u201cListen,\u201d said Dr Awesome in her most business-like voice, \u201cyou might have had your personal reasons for staying on the pill for this long, but let me assure you that they haven\u2019t done the kind of medical damage you are assuming they\u2019ve done to your system. I truly don\u2019t need to know about your reasons to use them.\u201d I was left speechless. Once I got over my initial shock at the possibility of no more intrusive questions, I gathered the courage to ask one myself.<\/span>\n\n\u201cWhat do I do if I need <\/span>extra protection<\/span><\/a>, now that I am single again?\u201d<\/span>\n\nWith only a slight bit of irritation, she told me, \u201cUse other means. You are old enough to know your options and the possible side effects. I will write a prescription for you if you need it, but I suggest you hold it off for a bit until we can get your system to function normally once again without pumping hormones into it.\u201d<\/span>\n\nWho was this woman and how was she treating me like an <\/span>adult<\/span><\/a>?! Was I experiencing a waking dream? Was all this unfolding in another dimension? This certainly could not be happening in India, where a query about cervical shots is met with a stern gaze, in a country that accounts for <\/span>one fourth<\/span><\/a> of the world\u2019s cervical cancer cases. One in 52 women die of a cancer that is preventable with a simple vaccine, but our medical professionals cannot get beyond their personal biases about a woman\u2019s sexual freedom and personal choices. Every single doctor I\u2019ve met \u2013 except my superhero gynaec \u2013 has raised an eyebrow at my queries about contraception. Why does a divorced woman need any action in her life unless she\u2019s remarrying? <\/span>Tinder<\/span><\/a>, whuhh?<\/span>\n\nThe greatest challenge for women \u2013 not just in India, but around the globe \u2013 is the lack of autonomy to make choices about our own bodies, whether they are medical decisions or social ones. <\/span>\n\nI truly wasn\u2019t prepared for the absolute judgment coming my way from certified medical practitioners. What surprised me about my excellent gynaecologist is that her point of contact firmly remains my phone number because I am her patient \u2013 and she is not my <\/span>mother<\/span><\/a>. <\/span>\n\nSociety might see me either as some sort of victim at best or a \u201cloose character\u201d at worst, but my gynaecologist helps me find agency and calm for a brief while. Finally, my worth doesn\u2019t lie between my legs or in a piece of jewellery. Finally, there\u2019s a woman who doesn\u2019t look at my childlessness or capricious personal life with a sorry gaze. <\/span>\n\nShe has no time for irrelevant questions about my current relationship status. Her interest lies in the potential medical risks I am exposed to under any given circumstance. She asks me to give every choice a legitimate thought instead of making those choices for me. She shares my concern over the timing of my <\/span>periods<\/span><\/a> with Olympian levels of disquiet, but nothing more. For that, I will always remain grateful. \u00a0<\/span>\n\nI once asked her, \u201cHow are you so different?\u201d She replied with a grudging half-smile, \u201cAre you here for a diagnosis or are you looking for a nanny?\u201d Being put in my place has never felt so good. <\/span>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

After my divorce, a trip to any gynaecologist routinely involved invasive psychoanalysis of my answers to their queries about the separation and my means of coping. Seeking a non-judgmental gynaec seemed like an exercise in proving that unicorns walk the earth.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":226,"featured_media":3122,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[170],"tags":[6110,6111,6112,4962,6113,224,5563,22,408,6114,735],"class_list":["post-3121","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-gender","tag-challenge","tag-condoms","tag-contraception","tag-gynaecologist","tag-judgement","tag-love","tag-prescription","tag-relationships","tag-sex","tag-side-effects","tag-women"],"yoast_head":"\n\u201cDivorced? 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