{"id":3039,"date":"2016-05-29T02:16:22","date_gmt":"2016-05-28T20:46:22","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=3039"},"modified":"2016-05-29T02:16:22","modified_gmt":"2016-05-28T20:46:22","slug":"polyamory-monogamy-true-love","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=3039","title":{"rendered":"What My Experiments with Polyamory Taught Me about Love"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I<\/span><\/p><\/div>

f you believe the internet, <\/span>millennials<\/span><\/a> are mass murderers, guilty of killing numerous long-enshrined cultural institutions. Of all the things that we have <\/span>killed<\/span><\/a> since the term millennial was coined \u2013 beer, democracy, earnestness, baby names, and relationships in general \u2013 the latest casualty is <\/span>monogamy<\/span><\/a>. RIP. <\/span>\n\nFor my generation, <\/span>\u201cwokeness\u201d<\/span><\/a> means breaking free of societal conditioning everywhere, including our dating lives. That\u2019s how <\/span>polyamory<\/span><\/a> has become the new kale juice \u2013 everyone\u2019s had a taste of it. And just like kale juice, not everyone has a taste for it. Not one to be left behind, I decided to dip my toes into polyamorous waters, full of many proverbial fish, all of whom are consenting.<\/span>\n\nSome people truly identify as polyamorous and have chosen it as a lifestyle. These are uber cool folks who have managed to break free of the shackles of good old monogamy. <\/span>\n\nSpoiler alert: It didn\u2019t quite work out that way for me, when I decided to not put all my eggs in one basket. And it wasn\u2019t because all the baskets I found were basket cases. <\/span>\n\nIt started with the Long-Distance Lover. His bio said he enjoyed a home-cooked meal and debating feminism. I\u2019ll admit those are huge red flags, yet I swiped right ready for a fight, assuming that by \u201cdebating feminism,\u201d he\u2019d <\/span>mansplain<\/span><\/a> it to me and try to convince me that men\u2019s rights was the cause to get behind. But he was a dreamboat. When he said, \u201cI\u2019ll show you mine if you show me yours,\u201d he meant feminist inspirations. When he said he enjoyed a home-cooked meal, he meant he was the one cooking it. The only downside? He stayed in Navi Mumbai and I in <\/span>South Mumbai<\/span><\/a>. Nevertheless, our love conquered all the <\/span>distance<\/span><\/a>.<\/span>\n\nWe went on to polyamorously date and fell almost disgustingly in love. I suppressed my inner <\/span>Geet<\/span><\/a>, who was all set to plan a marriage and begin a happy family with babies, puppers, and kitties. But I could not control the Geet in him. The honeymoon period ended when he asked me the dreaded question, \u201cWhy am I not enough?\u201d <\/span>\n\n

Take it from me, boys, \u201cI feel entitled to everything because of my penis,\u201d is the most honest Tinder bio you could ever write.<\/p><\/blockquote> \n\nWhile Long-Distance Lover and I were navigating the dynamics of our polyamorous relationship, Mr Naam Toh Suna Hoga made an entry. He was funny and we shared a mutual love for <\/span>Old Monk<\/span><\/a> and honesty. But when you\u2019re not exclusive, how much honesty is appropriate? Do you tell the person you\u2019re dating when you\u2019re going out with the other guy? When things start getting serious with the other guy? When you\u2019ve \u201cdone the deed\u201d with the other?<\/span>\n\nI found the answers to all those questions soon enough. Mr Naam Toh Suna Hoga loved old <\/span>Shah Rukh Khan<\/span><\/a> movies (no surprises there) \u2013 a trait that I found endearing, until I learned a little too late that he had a girlfriend, who was clueless about his polyamorous adventures. The vintage SRK obsession became clear: Just like Rahul, he was a cheeeater. <\/span>\n\nMr Naam Toh Suna Hoga could not wrap his head around why I was miffed, considering I was polyamorous. Why would I be bothered if he was monogamously dating someone? Oh the joys of male entitlement and the amazing places you will run into it. Take it from me, boys, \u201cI feel entitled to everything because of my penis,\u201d is the most honest Tinder bio you could ever write.<\/span>\n\nThat brings me to the Real Estate Romeo. The third time is supposedly the charm \u2013 and what a charmer he was! On our first date, we chilled at his house, a sprawling Worli mansion with a view to die for. It was love at first sight\u2026 with the house obviously. I told him he should put pictures of it on his dating profile. I proceeded to creep him out further by counting the number of bathrooms in the house while he was picking a movie to watch. Sounds like the perfect date, right? <\/span>\n\nIt\u2019s been five months since I fell in love with that rarest of finds \u2013 a beautiful residence in Mumbai. Five months full of love and laughter\u2026 and a lot of fighting my insane jealous urges each time he goes out with someone else. <\/span>\n\nWaaaait a second. What was happening here? Was I actually wondering why I wasn\u2019t enough for Real Estate Romeo? <\/span>\n\nIt was then that I came to a realisation. I\u2019m the \u201choe\u201d your \u201cbros\u201d warned you about \u2013 the one who needs to be your first thought in the morning and your last thought at night, who needs to be reassured of your <\/span>love<\/span><\/a> approximately 10,000 times a day, who, despite being a <\/span>feminist<\/span><\/a>, wants to punch any other girl who locks eyes with bae for more than three seconds.<\/span>\n\nFor me, experimenting with polyamory is like <\/span>Elon Musk<\/span><\/a> using a petrol-powered vehicle \u2013 it goes against the very core of my being. Monogamy is my jam. <\/span>\n\nIt isn\u2019t just about my conditioning. I think the reason is that I love too deeply and intensely to love multiple people without it being exhausting. I\u2019m now proud to unveil Monogamous Me 2.0: A girl who fights jealousy, and brushes away irrational feelings that expect more than what is fair to from her partner. A girl who realises that no matter how madly in love you may be with someone, it doesn\u2019t stop you from finding other people attractive. A girl who realises that there are infinite types of romantic love, and that each love is unique.<\/span>\n\nMy version of polyamory helped my monogamy evolve. It helped me discover the toxic side of monogamy, where jealousy and possessiveness are allegedly signs of true love. I\u2019m not saying I deserve a Nobel for my research, but a mansion in Worli would be nice.<\/span>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Polyamory has become the new kale juice \u2013 everyone\u2019s had a taste of it. And just like kale juice, not everyone has a taste for it. My version of polyamory helped me discover the toxic side of monogamy, where jealousy and possessiveness are allegedly signs of true love.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":268,"featured_media":3040,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[224,1906,5403,408,1051,3451],"class_list":["post-3039","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-love-and-sex","tag-love","tag-monogamy","tag-polyamory","tag-sex","tag-tinder","tag-true-love"],"yoast_head":"\nWhat My Experiments with Polyamory Taught Me about Love<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Polyamory has become the new kale juice \u2013 everyone\u2019s had a taste of it. And just like kale juice, not everyone has a taste for it. 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