{"id":3004,"date":"2016-04-04T17:13:27","date_gmt":"2016-04-04T11:43:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=3004"},"modified":"2016-04-04T17:13:27","modified_gmt":"2016-04-04T11:43:27","slug":"work-mumbai-rains-home","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=3004","title":{"rendered":"A Petition to Declare Mumbai a Work-from-Home City"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I<\/span>t\u2019s a weekday morning. You\u2019re woken up by the sound of <\/p>honking cars<\/span><\/a> down the street, and no part of you wants to get out of bed. You know you have to get up, brush your teeth, and have a bath, and you also know that no matter how clean you are when you leave for office, you will arrive sweaty and smell like something between the open sewers and smoke from the pollution. The city is more powerful than any deodorant. <\/span>\n\nYou check <\/span>Uber<\/span><\/a>. \u201cFares are higher due to increased demands.\u201d You check Ola. \u201cFares are higher than normal,\u201d<\/span> as if saying, \u201cLet me try and rob you based on how badly you need this ride!\u201d You check <\/span>Google Maps<\/span><\/a> to see how much time it will take to reach office (even though you know it). Google Maps shows you sporadic splatter of blue and orange amidst a completely red network of roads. You expected it, but you\u2019re still shocked because your system has gotten used to the daily cheap thrill that is your workday commute.<\/span>\n\nYou figure you could take <\/span>the train<\/span><\/a>, but it\u2019s peak time; the people will crush you and armpits will surround you. Or worse, the bridge might just give up, and then the people will <\/span>really <\/span><\/i>crush you<\/span><\/a>. You could take the bus, but you might get smacked in the face by an overhead railing. You could go by bike, but you\u2019d rather not play a pothole version of Minesweeper with your dear life.<\/span>\n\nYou curse the monsoon and how the floor is now keechad, but deep down you know that it\u2019s not the monsoon\u2026 it\u2019s just Mumbai. During the summers the heat puts the street dosawallah\u2019s tawa to shame, and winter is definitely not coming. As you look up a YouTube video on \u201cHow to make a jetpack from scratch: for n00bs\u201d, a second question strikes you: \u00a0Why do you even need to go to office? <\/span>\n\nYou bring your <\/span>work home<\/span><\/a> anyway, office laptop included. Your office WiFi sucks, you\u2019re always resorting to using your hotspot. Your colleagues and you sit next to each other, but the conversations are happening on WhatsApp or Skype or Facebook or Twitter or Sarahah. So what is the need to physically move to another location to do the things you could do while being simultaneously hugged by your blankets? The very act of going to office is disrespecting the great advances in science and technology! Astaghfirullah! <\/span>\n

You won\u2019t need that huge mug of kadak chai as soon as you reach work, because at home you can start your day with a smile and drink your daily tears of joy for that morning kick.<\/blockquote>\nWorking from home would also eliminate the time spent choosing clothes, wearing them, and putting in the effort into looking like a civilised member of society. And think of the time you\u2019ll save on the commute! You won\u2019t need that huge mug of <\/span>kadak chai<\/span><\/a> as soon as you reach work, because at home you can start your day with a smile and drink your daily tears of joy for that morning kick. And in bed too! <\/span>\n\nYou could take satisfying dumps in a familiar washroom without a <\/span>rubbish plastic safe seat<\/span><\/a> scarring your cute tush. You could have food heated fresh off the stove \u2013 even share it with your partner, who is also working from home, and eat it together on that new dining table for once. And maybe some post-lunch sex in the middle of a weekday. Because. You. Can. Heterosexual couples, get to work on that <\/span>family<\/span><\/a> you\u2019ve always thought of starting, you have energy now with all the time you rested by saving yourself from big bad Bombay! <\/span>\n\nWorking from home will also ensure you are rolling in cash because you\u2019re not taking surge-hit cabs to office and not ordering <\/span>restaurant food<\/span><\/a> for lunch. You can finally afford a <\/span>vacation<\/span><\/a>, or even pay one year of tuition for your future kid\u2019s kindergarten school fees.<\/span>\n\nSince everyone is now rich and clean, every meeting on con-call goes smoothly. All clients approve everything because everyone\u2019s at home, <\/span>in their pyjamas<\/span><\/a>, and happy. Adults are seen on bicycles and even using their legs to walk distances longer than from their building gates to car doors. The trains are emptier and only three people sit on a seat meant for three people (<\/span>say, what?!<\/span><\/a>).<\/span>\n\nMumbai\u2019s sky is blue again. The clouds increasingly start to look like the <\/span>heart emoji<\/span><\/a>. The birds and the dolphins return, children are running around, supple and whole without worry. The <\/span>cows<\/span><\/a> own the streets now. They\u2019re the new traffic police, but they let you pass if you pet them. \u201cYou don\u2019t gotta go to work, you can work from home\u201d by Fifth Harmony plays after the <\/span>national anthem<\/span><\/a> at theatres. Working from home is Mumbai\u2019s three-word answer to being a smart city. We\u2019ve saved the environment and our sanity! It\u2019s finally achche din!<\/span>\n\nA car honks from that faraway street and you\u2019re holding your phone. Damn it, the surge is higher now. <\/span>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Why do we put up with shitty office WiFi, harrowing commutes, and weird coworkers when modern technology allows us to conduct our business while being simultaneously hugged by our blankets? Working from home is Mumbai\u2019s three-word answer to saving the environment \u2013 and our sanity.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":218,"featured_media":3005,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[107],"tags":[1220,5908,80,5909,5910,5911,4770],"class_list":["post-3004","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-pov","tag-home","tag-morning","tag-mumbai","tag-potholes","tag-rains","tag-rainy-days","tag-work"],"yoast_head":"\nA Petition to Declare Mumbai a Work-from-Home City<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Why do we put up with shitty office WiFi, harrowing commutes, and weird coworkers when modern technology allows us to conduct our business while being simultaneously hugged by our blankets? 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