{"id":2885,"date":"2016-05-04T10:36:16","date_gmt":"2016-05-04T05:06:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=2885"},"modified":"2016-05-04T10:36:16","modified_gmt":"2016-05-04T05:06:16","slug":"stoners-weed-alcohol-marijuana-venice-vile-parle","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=2885","title":{"rendered":"Dum Mein Gham: How I Survive as a Non-Stoner in a World Full of Potheads"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I<\/span><\/p>\u2019ve been a non-stoner all my life. I\u2019ve never felt the need to light up, be blazed, blitzed, baked, cooked, be in the presence of Mary J<\/a><\/span>, or be otherwise wrecked by an intoxicant. The trouble is, I am surrounded by <\/span>stoners<\/span><\/a>. \u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/span>\n\nThe reverential approach that stoners take to scoring, <\/span>rolling<\/span><\/a>, and smoking just never appealed to me. For most, this isn\u2019t that big a deal. There are <\/span>bigger problems<\/span><\/a> in the world. Like the fact that we\u2019re living in a time where you could walk out of your house and <\/span>a plane could literally crash down on you<\/span><\/a>. But in my experience, most of the <\/span>Bandra<\/span><\/a> and South Bombay hipsters I hang out with, think that me not smoking pot is a pretty huge deal. <\/span>\n\nMy friends are a <\/span>mood<\/span><\/a>. They have metal cases or stash boxes to keep their stuff in. They proudly state \u201c420-friendly\u201d in their dating app bios, which contain gems like, \u201cIf you ain\u2019t toking, we ain\u2019t thoking. #TokeMeDaddy\u201d and, \u201cTeri crush maal hai, mera maal crushed hai.\u201d You get the gist. I often find myself bewildered tracking group conversations that veer from <\/span>\u201cLegalise It\u201d<\/span><\/a> to \u201cWhat if each of Ravan\u2019s heads got a different <\/span>munchie craving<\/span><\/a>?\u201d Also, I have no idea what a Rizla is, and at this point, I am just too afraid to ask.<\/span>\n\nBefore you write me off as wound too tight, I\u2019m not knocking pot without ever having tried it. I spent the better part of my twenties living in Venice Beach, California, aka the land of medical marijuana. My surfer bro roomies there made me try epic-sounding strains like Sour Tsunami, Ghost Train Haze, and Alaskan Thunder Fuck, but even then, the only things that impressed me were the <\/span>creative names<\/span><\/a>. Clearly, smoking up wasn\u2019t for me. And my roomies respected my choice to stick to pints instead of puffs. <\/span>\n\nIt was bliss. Stoners and non-stoners co-existing in harmony. Sadly, I couldn\u2019t stay in that paradise, and once my course ended, I came back home from Venice to Vile Parle. That\u2019s when I met the urban <\/span>Indian pothead<\/span><\/a>.<\/span>\n\nWhy are stoners in our beautiful country always enthusiastic about getting you to try their <\/span>maal<\/span><\/a>? Why is the notion of someone being able to spend a <\/span>night out<\/span><\/a> without having a hit of their spliff so astonishing to these people? Who hurt them, and why are we suffering for their sins?<\/span>\n

I have lost count of how many nights I\u2019ve spent being the lone soul pouring himself a peg while the rest of the room passes around a J.<\/blockquote>\nLately, a party just doesn\u2019t seem like a party anymore unless I am reminded by some well-meaning person that, \u201cThis stuff is from the earth, bro. Just try it.\u201d I\u2019ve also come to really enjoy having absolute strangers tell me how it will <\/span>help me and my partner<\/span><\/a> feel more connected in bed. In front of said partner. Who I\u2019m on a<\/span> first date<\/span><\/a> with. You see, some people go to social gatherings for the music, the hobnobbing, the relaxation. But not me. I have more refined tastes, like having a disheveled dude in a Pink Floyd T-shirt tell me I\u2019m blind to the truth because I\u2019m sipping on <\/span>rum and coke<\/span><\/a> instead of having hits from his <\/span>neon bong<\/span><\/a>.<\/span>\n\nI have lost count of how many nights I\u2019ve spent being the <\/span>lone soul<\/span><\/a> pouring himself a peg while the rest of the room passes around joints and laughs their asses off. I once spent two hours trying to figure why my friends were laughing uncontrollably while eating raw <\/span>Maggi<\/span><\/a> straight out of the pack. \u201cBecause of the giraffes on your chest, bro,\u201d they said, referring to my <\/span>Minions <\/span><\/i>T-shirt. I think the only time I genuinely enjoyed being with my baked friends was when we watched old Jackie Shroff interviews together. Thank you, Jaggu Dada, for being the <\/span>wholesome content<\/span><\/a> that stoners and drunks alike can find hilarious.<\/span>\n\nBeing the only person who doesn\u2019t love Mary Jane in a social circle of stoners has become my cross to bear even at places I didn\u2019t expect. I guess life is funny. One moment six-year-old you is holding your infant cousin brother in your arms. And just like that, he\u2019s twenty, coughing up a storm and complaining about how his <\/span>current dealer<\/span><\/a> is slacking off on the good stuff. Expressing your concern for his lungs just gets you a long lecture about the history of how ganja is part of Indian culture, and a reminder that you\u2019re a hypocrite for hitting the bottle while dissing stoners.<\/span>\n\nIt took me a while to realise but there\u2019s an innate hypocrisy that goes with dabbling in drink and yet looking down at your herb-enthusiast homies. And after spending enough time with both, I prefer spending the party with a mellow, cutely insistent stoner than a boisterous, belligerent drunk.<\/span>\n\nI guess I\u2019m lucky my vice is a socially acceptable one. I don\u2019t envy stoners or their constant concerns over whether their dealer has been busted by the cops or is just lying low, nor do I wish to have to chase my high in the backseat of a smoke-filled car, instead of an <\/span>air-conditioned bar<\/span><\/a>. There is a ray of hope for my stoner compadres though. From <\/span>Shashi Tharoor<\/span><\/a> to Baba Ramdev, several surprising advocates have spoken up in support of shedding the stigma surrounding stoners. <\/span>\n\nAnd the day this stigma fades away, when the prohibition of pot is finally lifted, I will narrate my version of Voltaire\u2019s famous words in solidarity with my blazed brethren, \u201cI may not share your fondness towards cannabis, but I will defend to death your right to get stoned.\u201d<\/span>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Why are stoners in our beautiful country always enthusiastic about getting you to try their maal? I honestly have no idea what a Rizla is, and at this point, I am just too afraid to ask.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":166,"featured_media":2886,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[3754,4101,5787,5788,8,4466,86,5789,5790,646,5791,5792,5793,5794,5795,13],"class_list":["post-2885","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-vice","tag-alcohol","tag-drunk","tag-high","tag-legalise-it","tag-marijuana","tag-mary-jane","tag-munchies","tag-pothead","tag-rizzla","tag-stoner","tag-toke","tag-toke-time","tag-venice-beach","tag-vile-parle","tag-wasted","tag-weed"],"yoast_head":"\nDum Mein Gham: How I Survive as a Non-Stoner in a World Full of Potheads<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Why are stoners in our beautiful country always enthusiastic about getting you to try their maal? 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