{"id":2746,"date":"2016-06-15T22:11:17","date_gmt":"2016-06-15T16:41:17","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=2746"},"modified":"2016-06-15T22:11:17","modified_gmt":"2016-06-15T16:41:17","slug":"prescription-pills-addiction-depression-family","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=2746","title":{"rendered":"How My Prescription Drug Abuse Chained Me to Self-Harm"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I<\/span><\/p><\/div>

f there is one thing worse than suffering through <\/span>depression<\/span><\/a> in silence, it is the eternal struggle of finding a compatible doctor and <\/span>therapist<\/span><\/a>. The trial-and-error nature of finding the right treatment leaves a lot of gaps for you to fall into \u2013 slipping through the cracks into the emptiness of addiction, clutching your prescription for company.<\/span>\n\nAnd boy, was my first shrink a dud.<\/span>\n\nOne not-so-great day last February, I sat in the waiting area of a clinic, battling my latent anxiety of opening up to a complete stranger. As my turn came, I glanced at the previous patient, face red and eyes puffy from crying. I should have been warned. I walked in to a rapid-fire question round that could give <\/span>Koffee with Karan<\/span><\/i><\/a> a run for its money. By the end of the ordeal, the man had prescribed me a cornucopia of pills \u2013 10 in all \u2013 spread over the course of the day. He had not mentioned therapy, but by then, I couldn\u2019t care less. <\/span>\n\nI was finally on the road to recovery. Or so I presumed.\n\nHere\u2019s the thing about prescription pills. You think they\u2019re harmless because they are legal. After all, you\u2019re getting them after handing a compounder a doctor\u2019s prescription, instead of handing a <\/span>drug dealer<\/span><\/a> a handful of crumpled notes in a shady galli. You think you aren\u2019t doing anything exceptionally reckless or dangerous. But that is far from the truth.<\/span>\n\nOnce my doctor gave me the pills for clinical depression, after months of troubled sleep, I was knocked out by 9.30 pm. A single pill was enough to take my mind off whatever I\u2019d be thinking, a shutdown button for my thoughts, without having to resort to more <\/span>permanent, irreversible measures<\/span><\/a>. <\/span>\n\n

I\u2019d lost track of how long I had had writer\u2019s block, as the medication would numb my mind into not thinking.<\/p><\/blockquote> \n\nThe pills made me drowsy, disoriented. I\u2019d enter a room and forget why I was there. Sometimes I\u2019d mistake one person for another and carry on a conversation with them for about 10 minutes before I\u2019d realise that wasn\u2019t my mother I was talking to, it was the <\/span>maid<\/span><\/a>. <\/span>\n\nAnd yet, the bigger blunder was staring me in the face this entire time. <\/span>\n\nI have no idea when I became hooked to the drugs. Despite tripping balls on the medication originally prescribed to help me cope, I had the full support of my family and friends. Every time dad would ask me if my stock was running low, I\u2019d say yes, even if that wasn\u2019t true. I\u2019d pop pills in the middle of lectures. I would be faded and walking down the road, and wouldn\u2019t have to worry; I had my prescription to flash to the cops. Life \u2013 when I was lost in the dissociative fugue of the pills \u2013 couldn\u2019t have been better. <\/span>\n\nPeople advised me to steer clear of pot and liquor, but guess who dived into it head- first? I got away with a lot, while I was living in a hostel with no family to monitor me. I\u2019ve had my regular dosage with <\/span>Old Monk<\/span><\/a> and Coke, instead of water. I\u2019ve smoked a joint before and after I\u2019ve had my dose. This gave me a different kind of a high. Mixing pills with alcohol and <\/span>marijuana<\/span><\/a> would lead to ever-ascending heights of euphoria. Even after switching doctors and being prescribed another set of completely different medication, my abuse continued. My family and friends, clueless about my misadventures, were secure in the knowledge that I was only taking what had been prescribed to me by a <\/span>qualified doctor<\/span><\/a>. \u00a0<\/span>\n\nThere\u2019s no stigma around prescription medication; it isn\u2019t considered a vice like alcohol, cigarettes, or marijuana. Still, refusing to recognise the demon of addiction doesn\u2019t mean it isn\u2019t perched on your back. A New Yorker report, titled <\/span>\u201cAn Epidemic of Pain in India\u201d<\/span><\/a>, features an International Narcotics Control Board report which states that 19 per cent of people abusing opioids in this country are doing so through prescription medication. Despite this, no one thinks twice if the pill you\u2019re allowing to run your life came out of an official-looking wrapper.<\/span>\n\nNumb to the world, it took a terrible breakdown to realise how much the pills had been damaging me. That\u2019s when I realised that I had to stop. I\u2019d lost track of how long I had had writer\u2019s block, as the medication would numb my mind into not thinking. My <\/span>sex life had\u2026 issues<\/span><\/a>. It messed up my sleeping schedule and college attendance. I gained weight, lost sleep, and ended up intentionally hurting myself, leading to a spiral of self-loathing. And each time, my trips just got worse. <\/span>\n\nBefore I could do more permanent damage to myself, I cleaned up my act. I cut down on drinking, smoking up, and the meds. Some days were easy. I would sit in my room, curled up with a book and a warm cup of tea and read until dawn. Other days were gruelling. My friends would go drinking and I\u2019d have to force myself to <\/span>turn down their invitations<\/span><\/a> \u2013 a test of willpower and maturity that sparked in me a genuine desire to recover. <\/span>\n\nI realised that pills could only take me so far. The rest of the journey was my own to make.<\/span>\n\nI am currently enjoying six months of sobriety from my pills. I\u2019ve made a conscious effort to keep myself engaged and busy. If I am low, I am able to recognise the patterns and do something about it, rather than pop a pill like the addict I was becoming. Although I still have a few stowed away in my bag. It\u2019s an SOS supply, in case I find myself terribly troubled. But it is also a constant, healthy reminder \u2013 of what I\u2019ve left behind and what I could have become. \u00a0\u00a0<\/span>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

There\u2019s no stigma around prescription medication; it isn\u2019t considered a vice like alcohol, cigarettes, or marijuana. Still, refusing to recognise the demon of addiction doesn\u2019t mean it isn\u2019t perched on your back. I lost sleep, gained weight, and intentionally started hurting myself, leading to a spiral of self-loathing.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":253,"featured_media":2747,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[316,3754,1162,2458,559,480,319,8,5561,5562,2488,5563,5564,5565],"class_list":["post-2746","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-vice","tag-addiction","tag-alcohol","tag-anxiety","tag-cigarettes","tag-depression","tag-drugs","tag-health","tag-marijuana","tag-medicine","tag-mental","tag-pills","tag-prescription","tag-stigma","tag-vices"],"yoast_head":"\nHow My Prescription Drug Abuse Chained Me to Self-Harm<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"There\u2019s no stigma around prescription medication; it isn\u2019t considered a vice like alcohol, cigarettes, or marijuana. 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I lost sleep, gained weight, and intentionally started hurting myself, leading to a spiral of self-loathing.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=2746\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Arr\u00e9\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2016-06-15T16:41:17+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/1529465021.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1520\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"850\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Sukrit Koul\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:title\" content=\"How My Prescription Drug Abuse Chained Me to Self-Harm\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:description\" content=\"There\u2019s no stigma around prescription medication; it isn\u2019t considered a vice like alcohol, cigarettes, or marijuana. 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