{"id":2738,"date":"2016-04-01T20:03:08","date_gmt":"2016-04-01T14:33:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=2738"},"modified":"2016-04-01T20:03:08","modified_gmt":"2016-04-01T14:33:08","slug":"indian-families-adulting","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=2738","title":{"rendered":"Why Can\u2019t Indian Families Let Us Adult In Peace?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I<\/span><\/p>f there was one thing I learnt from spending countless hours watching <\/span>Hollywood<\/span><\/a> films during my teenage years, it was that once I was 22, my life would turn out exactly like the women in them. Like them, I would live away from home, revel in my financial independence, and travel across the world as and when I pleased, no questions asked.<\/span>\n\nNow that I am 22, I\u2019m indeed financially independent and have <\/span>moved out<\/span><\/a> of my parents\u2019 home. Yet the only difference is that in my case \u2013 unlike the women in my favourite films \u2013 I haven\u2019t been able to free myself from the constant questioning of my parents. <\/span>\n\nIt\u2019s weird that for all the energy our parents spend on lecturing us about making our mark in the world, they end up suffering from a strange adjustment crisis the day we do. It\u2019s a combination of being unable to acknowledge or accept that their child is now a fully functioning <\/span>adult<\/span><\/a> who no longer needs to rely on them. It\u2019s amusing how they interpret our self-reliance as their personal failing \u2013 a shameful blot on their <\/span>parenting<\/span><\/a> skills. <\/span>\n\nIf my first two months of moving to a new city has made me realise anything, it\u2019s that our mothers are but a tiny speck in the ever-expanding universe of interfering relatives. <\/span>Uncles<\/span><\/a> are ever-ready with financial advice, aunts want to know who you are dating, older cousins come with their own share of gyaan. They turn into hawks who swoop down on you the minute you commit an unpardonable crime like missing your grandfather\u2019s birthday. <\/span>\n\nThe entire <\/span>family committee<\/span><\/a> suddenly takes it upon themselves to sacrifice their free time and pool in their cumulative judgemental skills, life experiences, and largely personal opinions, to help turn me into an adulting champion. As a child, I was a harmless chick in this family nest, responsible only for completing my training of flying far, far away. Until then, I was everyone\u2019s favourite and the most amount of small talk I had to make with the honorary members of this committee \u2013 mama, chacha, chachi, bua \u2013 was updating them about my <\/span>exam results<\/span><\/a>. But now that I am a self-respecting, salary-earning individual, the family committee has suddenly woken up to the possibility of me being one of them. And now that I can make my own decisions, they have joined forces to guarantee that I can never be allowed to do so.<\/span>\n

The entire family committee suddenly takes it upon themselves to sacrifice their free time and pool in their cumulative judgemental skills, life experiences, and largely personal opinions, to help turn me into an adulting champion.<\/blockquote>\nCut to my first paycheck, when the overachieving uncle suddenly came out of the woodwork. Equipped with a CA and an <\/span>MBA<\/span><\/a>, this uncle believed that it was his birthright to instruct me about how I should be saving for the future just so I can die rolling in money. After all, according to him, unopened funds are a greater risk than any market risk and the only high I should be experiencing is my rate of returns. Even if we leave aside <\/span>my own <\/span><\/i>MBA and the fact that I am not comfortable discussing my <\/span>five-figure salary<\/span><\/a>, this needless crash course in handling my finances is far from serving its purpose. Now on the first on every month, instead of being thrilled about spending my money on yet another Nicobar dress, I panic about how little I make. <\/span>\n\nThen there is <\/span>trusty old mom<\/span><\/a>, demanding to know every trivial detail of a trip I am scheduled to take soon. \u201cAren\u2019t you spending too much on travel?\u201d \u201cWhy are you taking a flight when you can go by train?\u201d \u201cIs Goa even safe?\u201d This from the woman who generously used \u201cDo what you want when you are old enough to make your own money\u201d as a comeback for most of my childhood demands. <\/span>\n\nIf mother can\u2019t digest the fact that she is powerless to stop you from spending your own money, your <\/span>father<\/span><\/a> is flummoxed that you are no longer spending <\/span>his<\/span><\/i> money. To him, a full-time job is just another internship \u2013 an attempt by his daughter to earn some pocket money. Naturally, his coping mechanism as a now defunct ATM, is to either constantly enquire if I have enough money, and follow that up with a sarcastic demand that I buy him the latest iPhone considering I \u201cno longer need his money\u201d.<\/span>\n\nJust when your family is forcing you to contemplate whether you are really independent after all, your <\/span>grandparents<\/span><\/a> make a cameo appearance suggesting that you schedule the next stage of your life around their life expectancy. Unlike your parents and uncles, your grandparents are least worried about your money. They treat my new-found independence as a temporary phase of self-fulfillment that all young girls deserve until they surrender to their ultimate fate \u2014 \u201c<\/span>settling down\u201d<\/span><\/a>, which, according to them, can only happen with a husband and while they are alive. <\/span>\n\nAny protests about relegating the dreams of women only to marriage are supported by the ultimate projection of hypocrisy in my family. You know, the family member we can\u2019t help but loathe: Regressive-on-the-inside, but progressive-on-the-outside aunt. This <\/span>aunt<\/span><\/a> strongly believes that women have the right to work and will instruct you on how to gossip at work, but will also tell you to leave early from work and be home before 7 pm, because \u201conly uncultured girls stay out late\u201d. <\/span>\n\nAt this point, you are at a stage where you are contemplating which family member to tackle first. And then I have my eureka moment: I realised that my elder cousins have been silent all along. They have mastered the skill of keeping mum and nodding along, even when they vehemently disagree. <\/span>\n\nThey follow a simply mantra: If you can\u2019t beat them, it\u2019s best to let them believe that you will never be qualified enough for <\/span>adulthood<\/span><\/a>.<\/span>\n\nDetermined to not adopt the silent route, I\u2019m currently planning a celebration \u2014 okay, an intervention \u2014 to congratulate my parents on turning their child into a happy, confident, and most importantly, \u201cindependent\u201d adult. Nowadays, in my free time I draft the lessons to my crash course titled \u201cUnparenting 101\u201d.<\/span>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

When I turned 22, I believed that I would live away from home, revel in my financial independence, and travel across the world, no questions asked. However reality involves my grandparents implying I settle down while they are alive and my mother demanding to know the minutiae of my spendings.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":243,"featured_media":2739,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[439],"tags":[5101,4293,4584,3430,1840,5540,5541,5542,2481,4167],"class_list":["post-2738","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-modern-family","tag-adult","tag-adulting","tag-families","tag-indian","tag-modern-family","tag-neighbours","tag-peace","tag-settling","tag-travel","tag-wanderlust"],"yoast_head":"\nWhy Can\u2019t Indian Families Let Us Adult In Peace?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"When I turned 22, I believed that I would live away from home, revel in my financial independence, and travel across the world, no questions asked. 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