{"id":2736,"date":"2016-07-17T03:40:41","date_gmt":"2016-07-16T22:10:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=2736"},"modified":"2016-07-17T03:40:41","modified_gmt":"2016-07-16T22:10:41","slug":"arranged-marriage-indian-brides-grooms-parents-culture","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=2736","title":{"rendered":"The Case for Arranged Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I<\/span><\/p><\/div>

t is a law, even among most animals, that parents will do a lot to make sure their offspring are safe, happy, and well-provided for. In the <\/span>parenting department<\/span><\/a>, the cuckoo is the most notorious because she gets other birds to feed her child. The harp seals tend to their child for 12 days. Rabbits give it a month. Orangutans give it eight years. Americans give it 18. Only <\/span>Indian parents<\/span><\/a> give it a lifetime. <\/span>\n\nIn India, you remain a child well after you\u2019ve had a child. Our parents are always making sure things are fine for us. This behaviour is taken the farthest with the concept of arranged marriage. Because let\u2019s face it, nothing in the world says, \u201cI\u2019ll make sure you\u2019re fine,\u201d more than an <\/span>arranged marriage<\/span><\/a>. The minute the child utters the happy words, \u201cI want to get married\u201d, an Indian parent\u2019s heart fills with joy that couldn\u2019t be matched even if their child were to be nominated for the Padma Bhushan. <\/span>\n\nAn arranged marriage is marrying someone without knowing much about them, unlike a <\/span>love marriage<\/span><\/a>, where you marry a person despite knowing them all too well. As the name suggests, an arranged marriage is, well, a marriage arranged in every aspect. The partner, their family, their <\/span>house<\/span><\/a>, their livelihood, their <\/span>religion<\/span><\/a>, the practices they follow, everything is scrutinised. It\u2019s thoughtful curation, more than blind choice. It is based on the belief that when your only purpose to be on this planet is to bring someone else into this planet, you need to match with the best sperm\/eggs in the community market \u2013 a \u00a0market filled with people of the same caste, sub-caste, income, and social standing. <\/span>\n\nA trip to shop for a bride or groom is undertaken with the singular purpose of reducing the gap of differences. Your rights and wrongs, dos and don\u2019ts, customs and traditions, ideas of expenditure, and basic values and tenets have to match. You may not always be on the same page, but at least you\u2019re pages of the same book. The concept of an arranged marriage is not regressive or narrow-minded; it\u2019s a stroke of genius \u2013 all to make \u201csettling down\u201d easier. If your worlds are the same, you have fewer compromises to make, you are likely to fight lesser, settle in easier, be happier, have <\/span>sex<\/span><\/a>, and carry \u201cthe family name forward\u201d. An arranged marriage is nothing but good old pampering by Indian parents, just dialled up. <\/span>\n\nIt is for this reason that profile matching is zealously done. It\u2019s not so much the photograph, but the little details that matter more. <\/span>Maharashtrians<\/span><\/a> have absurd questions on their shaadi forms. I have been asked to reveal my annual income, my car model, if there is an AC at home, if yes, is it a window AC or a split AC, and how many rooms are air conditioned. It\u2019s unbelievable but when you really sit down to think about it, it matters. A window AC is too loud compared to a split. Why make it any tougher? Of all the communities I know of, <\/span>Marwaris<\/span><\/a> have taken it to a completely new level. They have a file which has the annual income and financial standing of not just the bride and groom, but also their families. This file is passed around only in circles which have a similar financial status. A four-crore-per-annum guy won\u2019t meet a 12-crore-per-annum girl, because the Marus know that\u2019ll lead to ego clashes and a lot more. In the marriage department, nobody is more practical. \u00a0<\/span>\n\n

Most youngsters today hesitate to follow their own traditions, let alone adopt someone else\u2019s. In an arranged marriage, that problem is solved \u2013 what\u2019s theirs is usually yours too.<\/p><\/blockquote> \n\nIn India, if marriages are about families coming together, then an arranged marriage is the surest and safest way to get to that goal and ensure happiness. <\/span>\n\nPolitical parties may say <\/span>Hindi<\/span><\/a> is our national language, but it\u2019s surely not a language that comes to the rescue of <\/span>inter-caste couples<\/span><\/a>. There are parts of India that aren\u2019t fluent in Hindi. It\u2019s difficult for the groom or bride to learn a new language and even more so to expect parents or grandparents to learn <\/span>English<\/span><\/a>. In absence of a language, what interactions boil down to is basic gestures, niceties, and smiles. Love may not know any language but marriage surely does. A Maharashtrian mother and a Mallu mother-in-law need not sit in 15 agonising minutes of silence.<\/span>\n\nIn a love marriage, a shared identity rarely exists. What exists are huge gaps that love is supposed to triumph over. We take a punt on every obstacle like cultural differences, class gap, and other arguments like how many times should the bathroom be washed because we love each other enough to deal with our differences, not just the personal ones. Our parents have no role to play in a love marriage and that\u2019s why it\u2019s tougher. It\u2019s like a house set up by your mom vs a <\/span>house<\/span><\/a> you\u2019re trying to put together. <\/span>\n\nYou may call me old-fashioned, but arranged marriages are a great way of preserving culture and traditions. Most youngsters today hesitate to follow their own traditions, let alone adopt someone else\u2019s. In an arranged marriage, that problem is solved \u2013 what\u2019s theirs is usually yours too. A Tamilian friend who married a Muslim needs vegetarian food for <\/span>iftar<\/span><\/a>, and it\u2019s much more complicated than it sounds. And don\u2019t even ask what language the complication will be discussed in. English peppered with a bit of Hindi, is the safest. It is the reason why the life expectancy of <\/span>mother tongues<\/span><\/a> is at its lowest ever. <\/span>\n\nWhen looked at that way, arranged marriage doesn\u2019t seem like a regressive or dated concept. It could be looked upon as the strongest technique we have developed to preserve our social and cultural fabric. Truth is, our parents know something we don\u2019t. Marriages are not made in heaven, they are made in convenience. Then this damn love thing came and screwed it all up.<\/span>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

An arranged marriage is thoughtful curation more than a blind choice. People with similar customs, tradition, and upbringing are likely to make fewer compromises, fight lesser, and be happier. Truth is, marriages are not made in heaven, they are made in convenience.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":187,"featured_media":2737,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[107],"tags":[5533,5534,5535,2282,5536,2113,5537,3430,5538,21,1726,5539,417],"class_list":["post-2736","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-pov","tag-arranged","tag-bridegroom","tag-brides","tag-caste","tag-celebrations","tag-culture","tag-grooms","tag-indian","tag-inter-caste","tag-marriage","tag-parents","tag-traditions","tag-weddings"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Case for Arranged Marriage<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"An arranged marriage is thoughtful curation more than a blind choice. People with similar customs, tradition, and upbringing are likely to make fewer compromises, fight lesser, and be happier. 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