{"id":2602,"date":"2016-04-14T20:31:13","date_gmt":"2016-04-14T15:01:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=2602"},"modified":"2016-04-14T20:31:13","modified_gmt":"2016-04-14T15:01:13","slug":"kjo-karan-johar-birthday-star-kid","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=2602","title":{"rendered":"KJo, the Fairy Godmother of Every Star Child"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

H<\/span><\/p><\/div>

ello, it\u2019s me. The bane of <\/span>Bollywood\u2019<\/span><\/a>s existence and the opportunity-snatcher for every <\/span>outsider:<\/span><\/a> the proverbial <\/span>star kid<\/span><\/a>. Today is an auspicious day for my #squad in <\/span>Bandra<\/span><\/a>, for it\u2019s the day we celebrate the existence of our guardian angel. The man who taught us that all heroes don\u2019t wear capes \u2013 some wear Manish Malhotra suits. We know not where he comes from (Carter Road? Malabar Hill?), but he is the hero we star kids have always needed. <\/span>\n\nHis name is <\/span>Karan Johar<\/span><\/a>. They say \u201cjohar\u201d means jewel but for us, he\u2019s a \u201cjohari\u201d. In the desolate coal mines of Bandra and <\/span>Juhu<\/span><\/a>, he is the only one who can sniff out potential film stars based on how silver their spoons are. <\/span>\n\nWhen we didn\u2019t have him, we were all bereft: We could afford only one penthouse. Moved by our plight, it was this humanitarian who thought, \u201cWhy not make films for NRIs, who buy tickets in dollars and pounds?\u201d He unknowingly freed us from the clutches of the <\/span>underworld<\/span><\/a> that had taken over Bollywood, using it to launder its ill-gotten money. Next were the dark forces who believed that telling original stories, and doing away with needless <\/span>item numbers <\/span><\/a>would elevate the reputation of the Hindi film industry. <\/span>\n\nBut he refused to budge, single-handedly, and fearlessly fighting them all with needless movie franchises.<\/span>\n\nDon\u2019t be mistaken. KJo wasn\u2019t always sympathetic to the misfortunes of every star kid. Initially, he\u2019d only prefer working with the Khans, Kapoors, and Mukherjis. But that changed when his dear friend, Abhishek Bachchan\u2019s career was failing. To this day, KJo regrets not coming to his rescue. \u201cIf only I\u2019d cast him in <\/span>K3G<\/span><\/i><\/a> or <\/span>Kal Ho Naa <\/span><\/i>Ho. If only I\u2019d made <\/span>KANK<\/span><\/i> or <\/span>Dostana<\/span><\/i> sooner. If only I\u2019d put him in the \u2018Best Actors\u2019 rapid-fire question on my show…\u201d<\/span>\n\nGuilt threatened to consume him. That was the moment that changed KJo\u2019s life for he decided two crucial things. First, that every star kid deserved a 50-crore launch (regardless of the number of expressions their faces were capable of producing). And second, that every star kid deserved a 50-crore re-launch, should the launch fail. They deserved to be talked about, hyped up, and turned into stars at any cost. Unless they had tacky hairstyles like Harman Baweja or questionable beliefs in numerology like Jackky Bhagnani.<\/span>\n\nNever again would he discriminate between<\/span> Varun Dhawan<\/span><\/a> and Tiger Shroff. Never again would he think that <\/span>Alia Bhatt<\/span><\/a> was less deserving than Kareena Kapoor, <\/span>unless she lost weight like Bebo<\/span><\/a>. He pushed the audience\u2019s patience to limits hitherto unknown by backing a film directed by Manish Malhotra\u2019s nephew and starring both Imran Khan and <\/span>Sonam Kapoor<\/span><\/a>. With Ayan Mukerji, he showed the world that he was willing to give star kids opportunities behind the camera as well. By casting Aditya Roy Kapur in his film only when his brother became an established studio head and married a talented actress, <\/span>KJo<\/span><\/a> also proved that as long as actors had famous family, the path to Dharma was always open to them.<\/span>\n\n

As long as actors have famous family, the path to Dharma was always open to them.<\/p><\/blockquote> \n\nKJo\u2019s greatness also stems from the fact that he didn\u2019t half-ass anything. He knew that for a star kid to be taken seriously, appearing only on the big screen wouldn\u2019t be enough. They needed to be talked about on the small screen as well. <\/span>\n\nJust for our lifelong promotions, he created <\/span>Koffee with Karan<\/span><\/i><\/a>.<\/span><\/i> Haters called it a mutual masturbation society but the righteous KJo had the force of modern feudalism and clever propaganda on his side. He called us on his show and curated our dull asses to make us look funny, talented, and relatable. In fact, he was at the forefront of the mission to prove that us star kids have the same struggles as outsiders. <\/span>\n\nWhen critics said that we couldn\u2019t act, he showed the world our chiselled abs. When we struggled to emote, he assured us that lip-syncing to Vishal-Shekhar and Arijit Singh will cover everything up. <\/span>\n\nUnfortunately, his fight wasn\u2019t without roadblocks. His enemies pounced on the smallest of mistakes he made, like the time when he <\/span>mistakenly cast a talented Khan<\/span><\/a> from across the border. The humble KJo told them that to err is human, but they wouldn\u2019t let him live this down. They made him publicly apologise for this grave error and he eventually vowed that he\u2019d never work with talented actors again.<\/span>\n\nOnce upon a time, star kids were rare. But now, every lane in Bandra has one. Since the ill-fated day when <\/span>a certain dark force<\/span><\/a> spearheaded a hateful accusation of <\/span>\u201cnepotism\u201d<\/span><\/a> against KJo, things have gone downhill for us. No longer do we have the luxury of umpteen chances or choices. In this unfair world, all we are afforded is a paltry five lead roles in the first three years. And, if each of those films are complete commercial disasters, we have to suffer the humiliation of playing supporting roles for the next five years.<\/span>\n\nWe had all but resigned ourselves to a life of misery, but KJo still had our back. Like a messiah he came, showed his mighty middle finger to the certain dark force that made him learn a new word (nepotism) and declared that as long as he was alive, he would take care of every star kid ever born.<\/span>\n\nBoney Kapoor\u2019s daughter and Shahid Kapoor\u2019s half-brother want a launch? He\u2019d do it in one film. <\/span>Ranbir Kapoor<\/span><\/a> needs a box office success and Ayan Mukerji wants to work again? He\u2019d back a big-budget fantasy trilogy. <\/span>Tiger Shroff<\/span><\/a> wants to add the multiplex audience to his fanbase? He\u2019ll rebrand and relaunch him in <\/span>Student of the Year 2<\/span><\/i><\/a>. In fact, word is that he\u2019s already promised to make <\/span>SOTY 19<\/span><\/i> to launch AbRam, <\/span>Taimur<\/span><\/a>, and Aaradhya together.<\/span>\n\nBasically, KJo spelt it out like no one did. It is all about loving your parents. Who\u2019d give a fuck about us otherwise?<\/span>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

As a proverbial star kid struggling to land five lead roles, we have only one guardian angel. He’s the man who taught us that all heroes don\u2019t wear capes \u2013 some wear Manish Malhotra suits.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":176,"featured_media":2603,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3114],"tags":[1096,141,3001,240,5284,2048,5285,1161],"class_list":["post-2602","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-bollywood","tag-alia-bhatt","tag-bollywood","tag-janhvi-kapoor","tag-karan-johar","tag-kjo","tag-nepotism","tag-star-kids","tag-varun-dhawan"],"yoast_head":"\nKJo, the Fairy Godmother of Every Star Child<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"As a proverbial star kid struggling to land five lead roles, we have only one guardian angel. 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