{"id":2568,"date":"2016-03-20T19:11:28","date_gmt":"2016-03-20T13:41:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=2568"},"modified":"2016-03-20T19:11:28","modified_gmt":"2016-03-20T13:41:28","slug":"bai-cleaner-conscience","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=2568","title":{"rendered":"My Bai, the Cleaner of My Conscience"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

W<\/span><\/p><\/div>

hen I <\/span>moved out<\/span><\/a> of my parents\u2019 house, I went forth into the world with a renewed sense of independence and a can-do attitude. One year later, however, the backbreaking labour of washing dishes and sweeping floors turned my can-do into canned. As a freshly minted adult trying to run a house on his own, it dawned on me that apart from rent, groceries, and bills, I would also need to keep aside a portion of my rapidly vanishing salary to hire a <\/span>house help<\/span><\/a>. <\/span>\n\nThat\u2019s when I met Chandramukhi. The world may look upon her as my bai, but she is actually my teacher. It\u2019s from her that I learnt how to make a snap judgment.<\/span>\n\nIn the initial days, I used to think the <\/span>Devdas<\/span><\/i><\/a> connection with her name was funny, until it became dangerously apparent that Chandramukhi might actually drive me to develop a <\/span>drinking problem<\/span><\/a>. How else would I escape the immense pressure of her expectations of me? Even though it\u2019s been years since I sat for an exam, the moment the doorbell rings at 8 am, I break into the kind of cold sweat I\u2019d experience before entering an <\/span>examination hall<\/span><\/a>.<\/span>\n\nFirst, I need to ensure my face is washed and my teeth are brushed, so that I don\u2019t look like I\u2019ve just gotten out of bed when she arrives. Because the latter is just an invitation for her to throw shade in the form of an \u201cAaj office nahi jana hai?\u201d And then, God forbid I haven\u2019t had time to pack away my laptop, or she\u2019ll refuse to clean anything on the table around it, because \u201ccomputer dust se kharaab hota hai.\u201d<\/span>\n\nI\u2019ve often wondered whether it\u2019s better to be inside or outside the house while she\u2019s cleaning. For Chandramukhi is adept at ensuring that I feel hunted all the time. <\/span>\n\nIt usually begins with her emptying my ashtray into the dustbin while making full eye contact. The reek of disapproval overpowers those of the <\/span>cigarette butts<\/span><\/a>. Once, when I wore the same tattered t-shirt through a weekend-long <\/span>Netflix binge<\/span><\/a>, she mocked me for not understanding the concept of laundry. \u201cPata hai, aap washing machine mein ghar ke kapde bhi daal sakte ho, sirf office-wale nahi.\u201d Thanks for the lifehack, Chandramukhi. <\/span>\n\nShe will treat rings left by chai mugs on the table as unforgivable war crimes, berating me while scrubbing them and reminding me of the existence of my coasters. (What confounds me is how these same rings somehow become invisible to her when I\u2019m not around.) <\/span>\n\n

Over the past year, we\u2019ve developed a unique give-and-take relationship. I give her a monthly salary and she doubles up as my tough-love therapist.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\nChandramukhi\u2019s blindness is selective; I\u2019ve seen how razor-sharp her observation skills are. It\u2019s almost a superpower, one that she mostly employs to embarrass me and make me feel bad about my existence. Should I ever buy a family pack of cookies and finish them in one decadent midnight snack session, she\u2019ll waste no time in acting shocked about their disappearance when she arrives the next morning. \u201cPoora kha liya? Baap re baap, bhaiyya. Ab toh exercise <\/span>shuru karna hoga<\/span><\/a>!\u201d she\u2019ll say with mock concern, looking squarely at my midriff. I am certain she secretly congratulates herself on that sick burn \u2013 she\u2019s after all reminded me that I\u2019m both, a glutton and a couch potato in one breath.<\/span>\n\nHer powers of observation operate at their highest capacity when either my girlfriend\u2019s parents or mine come to visit. Like a waiter rattling off the menu at an <\/span>Udipi restaurant<\/span><\/a>, she\u2019s capable of reciting a litany comprising every smoke you\u2019ve had, every party you\u2019ve thrown, and every time you\u2019ve spent your grocery money on cup noodles and beer. Forget <\/span>Aadhaar<\/span><\/a> and the <\/span>NSA<\/span><\/a>, my maid sets the gold standard for violating privacy guidelines and snooping around.<\/span>\n\nOver the past year, we\u2019ve developed a unique give-and-take relationship. I give her a monthly salary and she doubles up as my <\/span>tough-love therapist<\/span><\/a>. I might ignore Chandramukhi\u2019s judgey glances when I\u2019m smoking and her taunts about my binge-eating and life in general, but she\u2019s the only reason I still have a life. Growing up in a house where I was the \u201cBaba\u201d, I never quite realised how time-consuming it was just picking up after myself, until I moved out. If it wasn\u2019t for Chandramukhi\u2019s helping hand, I\u2019d be going straight from a keyboard at work to a jhadoo at home, with no room left for any personal, mental, or professional growth.<\/span>\n\nThey say that when you don\u2019t achieve the goals you\u2019d set out to accomplish, the universe will instead bring you something that you didn\u2019t know you needed. And so it is with Chandramukhi. I moved out of my house to find my independence. What I found instead, was a person who made me question everything about myself. If that\u2019s not the surest path to self-discovery, I don\u2019t know what is.<\/span>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Even though it\u2019s been years since I sat for an exam, the moment my maid rings the doorbell at 8 am, I break into the kind of cold sweat I\u2019d experience before entering an examination hall. Each time she empties the ashtray into the bin, she gives me a judgey glance and every beer bottle elicits a standard response, \u201cItni daaru!\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":43,"featured_media":2569,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[25],"tags":[2524,334,5227,19,5228,80,5229],"class_list":["post-2568","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-people","tag-bai","tag-delhi","tag-house-help","tag-india","tag-maid","tag-mumbai","tag-servant"],"yoast_head":"\nMy Bai, the Cleaner of My Conscience<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Even though it\u2019s been years since I sat for an exam, the moment my maid rings the doorbell at 8 am, I break into the kind of cold sweat I\u2019d experience before entering an examination hall. 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