{"id":2554,"date":"2016-03-27T05:05:00","date_gmt":"2016-03-26T23:35:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=2554"},"modified":"2016-03-27T05:05:00","modified_gmt":"2016-03-26T23:35:00","slug":"bollywood-mothers-day-farida-jalal-ratna-pathak-shah","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=2554","title":{"rendered":"Bollywood Mamas: A Little Less Farida Jalal, a Little More Ratna Pathak Shah Please"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Y<\/span><\/p><\/div>

ears ago, I remember watching a <\/span>Karan Johar<\/span><\/a> interview where he spoke about how his mother almost irrationally\u00a0believed that he deserved to be a hero. \u201cMaa to pagal hai,\u201d he had concluded, punctuating this anecdote with the filmy punch it deserved. I remember looking back at my mother and wondering what <\/span>sort of maas <\/span><\/a>he was talking about, where they could be found, and if I could borrow one. <\/span>\n\nMy mother was not this version of pagal. My brother had once drawn a picture of our mother for a school competition. It was stick figure of a woman who stood alone, tall and imposing, one arm on her waist while she held a mustache on her face made of her braid. Around her was a <\/span>globe<\/span><\/a> that represented our world. It was the most potent representation of what a mother meant to us \u2013 a graceful womanly figure who held the figurative mustache (and everything it stood for) on her face, while she kept our world together, single-handedly, without ever losing her poise. <\/span>\n\nMy mother, a <\/span>single parent<\/span><\/a> with a fiery will and no-nonsense attitude, has always been the woman to break all stereotypes. She made a life out of defying everything Bollywood (and Karan Johar) ever told us about mothers. While her devotion to us remains inviolable, it rarely translates into blind praise. If anything, we have always trusted her to be our worst critic, saying things that nobody else would ever say out loud; she has been the reality check we need. All the while being the strongest support system we could have ever hoped for, fighting everyday battles with the ease and proficiency of a <\/span>seasoned warrior<\/span><\/a>. It is no wonder that my idea of what a mother means found resonance in a stick figure that my brother had drawn and not in the social-media friendly version of maa\u00a0that is served and circulated. <\/span>\n\nI have spent an inordinate amount of time trying to find my mother or at least bits of her on our screens. And I have largely failed. Mostly because Bollywood has always been too tame to unpack what it deems a safe, sacred relationship, rarely acknowledging the fact that our relationship with our mothers is <\/span>complex and multi-layered<\/span><\/a> and often impacts us at levels that we rarely process. In the rare instances where a depiction defies stereotype, it usually comes saddled with extenuating circumstances, failing to embody the extraordinariness of ordinary motherhood. <\/span>\n\nIn mainstream cinema, while Nirupa Roy was getting a bad rap for making mother into devis they didn\u2019t want to be, it was Farida Jalal\u2019s successive portrayals of cooler, new-gen friendly (but largely useless) mothers on screen that was slowly destroying the spine and nuances of motherhood. <\/span>\n\n

This is the reason why sometimes a stick figure is a bigger celebration of motherhood than a thousand caricatures. <\/p><\/blockquote>\n\nMy quest, however, has not been entirely futile. Few have dared to narrate <\/span>stories of motherhood<\/span><\/a> with the nuance and sensitivity \u2014and sometimes the humour \u2014 they deserve. None of these depictions can traverse the length of such complexities, but each of them has a bit of my mother. And for me, that makes them my favourite depictions of mothers on screen. <\/span>\n\nI had tears streaming down my face while watching Ashwiny Iyer Tiwari\u2019s <\/span>Nil Battey Sannata<\/span><\/i> not because it was designed to be a tearjerker (it wasn\u2019t), but simply because in every determined step that <\/span>Swara Bhaskar<\/span><\/a>\u2019s character takes while believing what\u2019s best for her daughter, I saw my mother. Calling bullshit on teenage tantrums \u2013 my mother. Not giving in to emotional blackmail \u2013 my mother. Stepping into a DM\u2019s bungalow to find the best career path for her daughter without even an iota of fear or embarrassment \u2013 totally my mother, who has a long and impressive (and embarrassing, if you ask my teenage self) history of accosting anyone she thought might have an advice for our careers, including the one gloriously memorable time when she barged into the green room of a rather <\/span>famous danseuse<\/span><\/a>, just so that she could get me admitted into her Kathak school. \u00a0A quaint little movie, <\/span>Nil Battey Sannata<\/span><\/i> places a mother-daughter dynamic in a strikingly everyday setting and reduces the story into what motherhood often truly is \u2013 a delicate balance between tact and affection, between tough love and tender inclusion, between experience and opinions.<\/span>\n\nLike <\/span>Nil Battey Sannata\u2019s <\/span><\/i>Swara Bhaskar, my mother has often steered me in the right direction and like <\/span>Kapoor and Sons\u2019 <\/span><\/i>Ratna Pathak Shah<\/span><\/a>, she has often struggled to come to terms with our choices. Pathak\u2019s wonderful portrayal of a deeply flawed mother <\/span>who struggles to accept her son\u2019s sexuality, the journey she makes between shock and dismay to a grudging but gentle acceptance, is painfully visceral. And for once, the film does allow us to hide behind false ideals and patronising deification of a mother\u2019s pain.<\/span> In her I saw a different side of my own mother \u2013 the one who struggled with our choices every time we strayed from the beaten path, every time we quit our \u201csafe\u201d jobs and turned to \u201cweirder\u201d careers, every time we refused to be normal. <\/span>\n\nHowever, my most favourite depiction of a mother, is a frolicking version replete with humour and endearing normalcy. <\/span>Bareilly ki Barfi<\/span><\/i><\/a> focuses on the beautiful, unconventional relationship between a father and daughter. But for me, it was the mother who kept everything together. Seema Pahwa\u2019s hilarious take on a mother who grumbles about her daughter’s \u201clifestyle\u201d and is insistent on finding a groom for her ASAP, ostensibly ticks all the boxes of a stereotype. And yet, beneath this conventional garb, is a working mother who is extremely tolerant of her daughter\u2019s choices, never really interferes with how she chooses to lead her life. In Pahwa, I saw the side of my mother that happens to be my favourite. The one that worries about my marriage but has also mastered the art of keeping the nosy relatives at bay. The one that supports <\/span>all<\/span><\/i> my choices with occasional disapprovals that are all clearly put on \u2013 an attempt to be a mother she thinks she is supposed to be but clearly doesn\u2019t believe in being anymore. <\/span>\n\nThen, for all the Farida Jalals of the world, the truly cool mother is the one who knows how to retain her humanity and humour. This is the reason why sometimes a stick figure is a bigger celebration of motherhood than a thousand caricatures. One arm on her waist, a braid moustache on her face. <\/span>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In between Nirupa Roy\u2019s martyred mom and Farida Jalal\u2019s laissez-faire approach to parenthood, very few Bollywood films have dared to narrate stories of motherhood with the nuance and sensitivity \u2014and sometimes the humour \u2014 they deserve.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":212,"featured_media":2555,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3114],"tags":[141,5189,546,240,2636,5190,1773,5191,5192,1566],"class_list":["post-2554","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-bollywood","tag-bollywood","tag-farida-jalal","tag-films","tag-karan-johar","tag-moms","tag-mother-india","tag-mothers-day","tag-nirpua-roy","tag-ratna-pathak","tag-swara-bhaskar"],"yoast_head":"\nBollywood Mamas: A Little Less Farida Jalal, a Little More Ratna Pathak Shah Please<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"In between Nirupa Roy\u2019s 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