{"id":2326,"date":"2016-04-15T01:26:19","date_gmt":"2016-04-14T19:56:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/abusive-marriage-women-domestic-violence\/"},"modified":"2016-04-15T01:26:19","modified_gmt":"2016-04-14T19:56:19","slug":"abusive-marriage-women-domestic-violence","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=2326","title":{"rendered":"A Step-by-Step Guide to Walking Out of an Abusive Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Y<\/span>ou will.\n\n<\/p>You will wonder how you got here. Raised to believe you could be anything, anyone you wanted to be, how had you become this? <\/span>\n\nWhy didn\u2019t you fight back when you were slapped and your earring fell off? The version in your head has you fighting back. You have always been the hero of your story. You\u2019re embarrassed by your submission. Of how quiet you became, of how low your head sunk. You do not recognise this obedience, taming. Later that night, he wanted <\/span>sex<\/span><\/a>. You didn\u2019t. He wanted it anyway. <\/span>\n\nYou never wanted to be a statistic. You\u2019re a woman and brown, factors you\u2019ve never been apologetic about. You didn\u2019t study <\/span>finance<\/span><\/a>, medicine, or engineering, desperate to escape tags that trailed so many <\/span>Indian students<\/span><\/a>. You resisted marrying a name on paper, to build a marriage around something unheard of in your social circles \u2013 compatibility. So how had you become a statistic of <\/span>physical abuse<\/span><\/a>? <\/span>\n\nThe second time, you\u2019re <\/span>bruised<\/span><\/a>. A giant, angry black, blue, purple that turns shades of yellow and green as it heals. How are the bruises always in places no one can see?<\/span>\n\nBut you don\u2019t leave. You think about the time both of you had returned from a lovely wedding in a small riverside town. The time you had booked international tickets for your anniversary. The time you\u2019d even eaten an expensive dinner to celebrate a birthday.<\/span>\n

You will battle with anger that turns to rage when you realise what happened to you never should have.<\/blockquote>\nHe said things like, \u201cYou\u2019re crazy\u201d, \u201cYou\u2019re damaged\u201d, \u201cYou have so many issues that your parents couldn\u2019t handle you and so dumped you on me.\u201d You will wonder whether if any of this is true. You will feel like you\u2019re starting to lose your mind. <\/span>\n\nOne night because of the loud houses from your home, the housing secretary<\/span> complained to the <\/span>landlord<\/span><\/a>. Another episode like that, she warned, and she\u2019d have to call the <\/span>police<\/span><\/a>. You were so embarrassed, you wanted to disappear. <\/span>\n\nWhy aren\u2019t you doing what your head tells you to and leave? Why are you still around, crying pathetic pools of tears and snot. Alone and scared and confused. Did you ever think you would need to be saved from yourself?<\/span>\n\nYou won\u2019t have answers. <\/span>\n\nYou will feel guilty. <\/span>\n\nYou will blame yourself for things you\u2019re not responsible for. <\/span>\n\nBut finally, you will leave.<\/span>\n\nNo ceremony, no epiphany. You will walk out with just a handbag on your shoulder not knowing you wouldn\u2019t return.<\/span>\n\nYou will be relieved to have some distance, to be around people who will help you heal. You will eat better in days to come, <\/span>home-cooked food<\/span><\/a>, fed with love. You will sleep soundly. You will be relieved to not be trying so hard at something that seemed destined to fail, to not worry about what the neighbours might hear because they\u2019ve already heard too much. You will think this relief is temporary. A break before you return to \u201creal life\u201d. Because you will debate going back so many times. Because before you left, you begged him to ask you to stay. <\/span>\n\nYou will battle with anger that turns to rage when you realise what happened to you never should have. You should have never been cornered in a doorway, eyes wide with fear, held by your shoulders. If you had lost your footing, if he had pushed you even slightly, you could have fallen on the washing machine behind you that would have snapped your spine like a matchstick. You didn\u2019t have your phone with you at the time. Your parents weren\u2019t allowed to visit. No member of your family was. It could have been days before someone found you. If. <\/span>\n\nRage will turn to sorrow. <\/span>Heartbreak<\/span><\/a> that will threaten to split your chest wide open as you grieve a life you had been trying to create with someone trying to destroy it. You will cry as loudly as the rain that thunders outside your window because the noise will muffle yours. Toxins will rise inside you in thick black waves.<\/span>\n
Why didn\u2019t you fight back when you were slapped and your earring fell off? The version in your head has you fighting back.<\/blockquote>\nYou will talk to friends and family who will turn you to a professional because they will say, \u201cWe\u2019re not equipped to handle this.\u201d You will go to a <\/span>therapist<\/span><\/a>, twice a week, three times. Sometimes on consecutive days. <\/span>\n\nYou will file for divorce. At court, you will see him for the first time in nearly a year. The man you shared a home, a life, a bed with. He won\u2019t make eye contact. You will <\/span>go home<\/span><\/a> with mom and dad and eat warm shawarmas under an open sky. <\/span>\n\nYou will clean your closet. You will declutter. You will throw away bags full of \u201cmemories\u201d, going back to your childhood. You will have no room for anything that doesn\u2019t serve you. You will <\/span>travel<\/span><\/a>, read, cook, laugh. You will stay up late watching movies and songs on television. <\/span>\n\nOld friends<\/span><\/a> you had lost contact with will come back as though they were never gone. New friends will carve space so firmly, you will wonder where they\u2019ve been your whole life.<\/span>\n\nAll of this will happen, but you will not get enough distance. Every place will remind you of him. You won\u2019t want to meet mutual friends and acquaintances. The timing will be perfect \u2013 you will get a job in a new city.<\/span>\n\nYou won\u2019t know the city or anyone in it. You won\u2019t know how to live like a local. But you will learn. You will move in with <\/span>strangers<\/span><\/a>, sharing a bathroom and kitchen. You will miss having your own bathroom. You will miss home. <\/span>\n\nYou will fall in love with the city, its people, with its smells and sounds, with the sea. The city will shock you, make you laugh. It will never let you feel alone. <\/span>\n\nYou will do things you\u2019ve never done like staying out until 3 am, eating pizza with friends. Sitting by the <\/span>ocean<\/span><\/a>, licking ice cream, clicking <\/span>selfies<\/span><\/a>. You will cut your hair. You will pay rent and bills with just the money you make. Your writing will sustain you in more ways than one. <\/span>\n
Loneliness in a marriage is far more powerful than loneliness as a single person.<\/blockquote>\nYou will love your job, you will be good at your job. You will discover <\/span>yoga<\/span><\/a>. You will pray. You will believe in the power of prayer more than you ever have. <\/span>\n\nFriends will say they see the \u201cold you\u201d coming back. You won\u2019t be sure what this means. Then you will catch yourself laughing out loud, like you haven\u2019t in a long time. <\/span>\n\nTwo years will go by and you will wonder if you made the whole thing up. It will feel like another lifetime. You will no longer feel like <\/span>divorce<\/span><\/a> defines you, you won\u2019t want that to be your narrative. You will no longer feel anger or hate, resentment or mourn the lost time. <\/span>\n\nYou will meet someone, you will be told, too many times to count. This is necessary, you will be told, to have a family, to not be lonely. How do you explain that marriage and children aren\u2019t a \u201ccure\u201d for loneliness? Loneliness in a marriage is far more powerful than loneliness as a <\/span>single person<\/span><\/a>. \u00a0<\/span>\n\nYou will focus on, know the value of the smaller things, which are, in fact, the bigger things. Giggling with your parents, talking to your sister, hanging out with friends. Time. Health. Your own bathroom. <\/span>\n\nAnd you will just be grateful to be alive.<\/span>\n\n<\/em>\n\nThe writer was encouraged to share her own story after reading this.<\/a><\/em>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Why didn\u2019t you fight back when you were slapped and your earring fell off? Why are you still around, crying pathetic pools of tears and snot? Why aren\u2019t you doing what your head tells you to and leave? How did you just become a statistic of physical abuse?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":223,"featured_media":2327,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[170],"tags":[4715,17,1612,4716,2592,19,4717,1954,735],"class_list":["post-2326","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-gender","tag-abusive-marriage","tag-divorce","tag-domestic-abuse","tag-domestic-violence","tag-gender","tag-india","tag-legitimate-rape","tag-sexual-assault","tag-women"],"yoast_head":"\nA Step-by-Step Guide to Walking Out of an Abusive Marriage<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Why didn\u2019t you fight back when you were slapped and your earring fell off? Why are you still around, crying pathetic pools of tears and snot? Why aren\u2019t you doing what your head tells you to and leave? 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