{"id":2214,"date":"2016-06-26T14:35:52","date_gmt":"2016-06-26T09:05:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/couple-fights-power-struggle-couch-bed\/"},"modified":"2016-06-26T14:35:52","modified_gmt":"2016-06-26T09:05:52","slug":"couple-fights-power-struggle-couch-bed","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=2214","title":{"rendered":"Battleground Bed: The Seat of Power in Every Relationship"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

W<\/span>e <\/p>moved in<\/span><\/a> together recently. My partner and I. <\/span>\n\nWhat they don\u2019t tell you about moving into an unfurnished house is that once you\u2019re done paying the piper, you\u2019re only left with enough to set up a makeshift bedroom and a kitchen that can produce morning coffee and store the free plastic cutlery that accompanies <\/span>Chinese takeaway<\/span><\/a>. <\/span>\n\nOur bedroom was furnished with a questionable mahogany bed and an old cupboard of his. We made a makeshift lamp from a bottle that still carried the last dregs of cheap wine and fairy lights that were bought for mood lighting but seldom used. <\/span>\n\nNevertheless, heightened pheromones mixed with the heady quality of \u201cyoung love\u201d perpetuated our desire to continue playing house. And the other night we found ourselves discussing the \u201cdecor\u201d of our living room. I stress on the word \u201cdecor\u201d because all we had so far, was a carton full of shoes and a swimsuit calendar stolen from work. <\/span>\n

You could tell who was right or wrong in a fight or who had decided to take the high road that night.<\/blockquote>\nAs we dreamt of an eclectic sofa bed that would perfectly set off the DIY shoe rack, he asked offhandedly, \u201cWho will sleep in the living room after a fight?\u201d<\/span>\n\nIt was a vital question. War strategists will tell you, retaining control of the seat of power is integral to winning. You need to have a stronghold over the capital, which, in this new cohabiting arrangement was our bedroom with the queen-size bed \u2013 the most comfortable (and expensive) piece of furniture that received maximum air-conditioning and was equidistant to both the kitchen and the bathroom. <\/span>\n\nThe bed, in a domestic arrangement, always becomes the battleground and the winner is the one who gets control.<\/span>\n\nI knew I had two choices. One, make a joke and brush it aside. Two, say something adorable while also making clear that I ain\u2019t the one sleeping outside. I chose the former, we laughed, and the conversation shifted to more important issues like our fear of correcting the maid\u2019s cleaning technique and the frequency with which one should defrost the refrigerator. <\/span>\n\nBut the question remained. <\/span>\n\nIn a relationship that does not involve cohabiting, <\/span>fights<\/span><\/a> are resolved after a \u201ctime out\u201d or passive-aggressive behaviour is displayed over text or through a tirade of drunk phone calls at late hours of the night. There is always an escape and distance usually helps \u2013 it doesn\u2019t necessarily make the heart grow fonder but the need for attention mixed with paranoia usually makes people resolve fights, and pretend to move on. <\/span>\n\nBut we didn\u2019t seem to have that option anymore. <\/span>\n\nWe didn\u2019t each have our own spaces that we could retreat to, and watch Bill Hader sketches while constantly keeping a check on the <\/span>blue-tick-to-last-seen ratio<\/span><\/a>. We were sharing the \u201cwar zone\u201d and relinquishing control in favour of wanting space could lead to an extended period of not having the coveted \u201cupper hand\u201d. \u00a0We were, at what you would call, an impasse. <\/span>\n\nWhen in doubt about domestic situations, I always look upon my <\/span>parents<\/span><\/a>. They would fight sometimes and afterwards, my father would sit alone in the living room pretending to read the newspaper (re-reading it late in the night because they didn\u2019t have <\/span>Instagram<\/span><\/a>). I also remember <\/span>my mother<\/span><\/a> relenting and walking up to him after 10 minutes or so to make banal conversation \u2013 like nothing had happened. <\/span>\n\nYou could tell who was right or wrong in a fight or who had decided to take the high road that night. Often, my father would give up his attempt to read the paper and go back to their bedroom, usually, with a glass of water \u2013 like he had simply stepped out to get it from the kitchen and it was normal that it took him 15 minutes to finish that task. If it was my mother, she\u2019d bring him the water or some random piece of news that has no bearing to it being the middle of the night. The glass of water or piece of random news was the olive branch of peace. No matter which one of them went for it, the fight always ended like the adage, \u201cYou don\u2019t go to bed angry.\u201d <\/span>\n\nIs this how the scenario would play out in my new house? Would he bring me a glass of water to signal the end of the fight? Would I complain about the weather and pretend like nothing happened in the hope that he does it too?<\/span>\n\nIt\u2019s a tempting idea but one that I don\u2019t want to perpetuate. It\u2019s sometimes wiser to let the sun go down on a fight in the same bed, even if it means sleeping in a huff. Muscle memory and the virtue of sharing the same blanket can sometimes make you inch closer until you\u2019re nestled together. And when dawn comes, all fragments of the fight are forgotten. <\/span>\n\nI think that\u2019s what we will do. For that is the memory I\u2019d want my children to have. <\/span>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In a domestic arrangement, the bed is always the scene of a battle \u2013 the winner is the one who gets control. After a fight, who lands the bed and who gets to sleep on the couch?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":190,"featured_media":2215,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[4455,4456,4457,4458,4459,944,4460,224,4461,22,4462,408,4463,952],"class_list":["post-2214","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-love-and-sex","tag-battle","tag-bed","tag-couch","tag-domestic-fight","tag-fight","tag-husband","tag-live-in","tag-love","tag-move-in","tag-relationships","tag-roommates","tag-sex","tag-unmarried","tag-wife"],"yoast_head":"\nBattleground Bed: The Seat of Power in Every Relationship<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"In a domestic arrangement, the bed is always the scene of a battle \u2013 the winner is the one who gets control. 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