{"id":203,"date":"2016-04-01T02:17:55","date_gmt":"2016-04-01T02:17:55","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/13.201.39.237\/?p=203"},"modified":"2016-04-01T02:17:55","modified_gmt":"2016-04-01T02:17:55","slug":"international-yoga-day-ashtanga-addict-surya-namaskars-june-21","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/13.207.105.184\/?p=203","title":{"rendered":"An Addict for Life"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><span class=\"dropcap\">I<\/span>\u2019ve been an addict all my life. At 15, I was dependent on blue eyeliner and boys for approval. At 28, I was obsessed with my job as a television writer, and having to prove to the entertainment industry that I\u2019m the voice of my generation. At 32, I would consume four books a week and take infinite notes for a novel that I would write one day.\n\nSomewhere between 35 and 39 lies my half-decade of lost time, my customised female pre-midlife crisis, a shadowy blur of people and events that I cannot recall, thanks to my drug of choice at that\u00a0point: Riviera White. A bottle a day. Maybe another at night.\n\nPreferably alone.\n\nIt\u2019s a ritual that stretches from an hour to 24, sometimes 48; a dull, hazy liberation from the shackles of tiresome social pretence and the boredom of churning out corny soap opera scripts. I knock back a glass, and then I pour another. That\u2019s better. Now I can start to relax and talk to myself. Pick my topic and go on and on, there\u2019s no one to stop me.\n\nWhen I am flying high on drunk, evangelical righteousness, I make a series of aggressive phone calls to rant at friends, colleagues, ex-lovers, producers of cheques that have bounced, neighbours who\u2019ve pissed me off. I tell them exactly what I think of them until they hang up on me or I hang up on them, whichever comes first.\n\nI pass out and wake up a few hours later to a tidal wave of embarrassment. Did I go too far last night? Or was it afternoon? More irritating than a hangover is the obligation to make amends. So I forget about it for now, draw the curtains, talk to myself and imbibe the Sula in the fridge. This time, I safety-lock my phone.\n<\/p><blockquote class=\"quote--center\">One day, I discover the Ashtanga primary series, and it\u2019s like graduating from addiction to religion.<\/blockquote>\nTwo hours later, that familiar feeling of invincibility kicks in. The force is with me. I can achieve anything, be anyone. And so I vow that starting tomorrow, it will all be different. No more booze. Clean, healthy living; sharp mind and toned body. I make a schedule for the \u201cnew me\u201d to follow.\n\nHalf way through Day 2, I give up, cave in, and call the guy at Princess Wines. He always delivers with a smile \u2013 my only anchor in this uncertain world.\n\nIn the life of every drinker, thinker, seeker, or occasional manic depressive (I confess to be all of these) is a high that lasts for about 27 minutes a day. What follows, without warning \u2013 like a sharp turn on a mountain road \u2013 is a wave of despair, loneliness, and utter panic.\n\nThis is when reality pays you a visit, showing up like a snotty cousin. It says, \u201cHello. You know you\u2019ve lost your way. You\u2019ve missed the boat on family get-togethers, reunions, new trends, work deadlines. Most importantly, don\u2019t you miss yourself? You were smoking hot, now you\u2019re a sluggish mess. You look 50, and you\u2019re nowhere near 40 yet.\u201d I tell reality to fuck off. I haven\u2019t hit rock bottom. Yet.\n\nKnown fact: Addicts talk of hitting rock bottom as a turning point in their story. Some drunks wake up on a crowded street in broad daylight, and realise they just missed being run over by a truck and flung into a ditch. For others, the process of self-realisation is slower, less dramatic, and more rational. Then there\u2019s the dull fear of losing family, health, relationships, self-respect and jobs that they\u2019re good at. They are sick of suffocating under a blanket of social disgrace, of the pain that comes with avoiding mirrors and staircases.\n\nIn my case, it\u2019s none of the above. One day I merely forget about wine because a new addiction rings my doorbell, moves in, and devours me. Before I know it, I\u2019m celebrating four years of sobriety and a wedding anniversary with my new soul mate: Fitness.\n\nFitness. It starts as an experiment. One workout only, because the flyer that sails in through the grill on the window promises a free trial. Three months later, I\u2019m clocking two hours of cardio yoga a day. No alcohol, no junk food. Empty bottles evicted and recycled. No more Princess Wines on speed dial (I even deleted the number). Only fruit after 6 pm. I run up four flights of stairs; glide through 108 Surya Namaskars. Everywhere I go, I sip smugly from a flask of hot water. The Sula leaves me frigid. The Riviera is like an ex-wife I can\u2019t be bothered with any more because my new mistress has me on fire.\n\nOne day, I discover the Ashtanga primary series, and it\u2019s like graduating from addiction to religion. I fall into worship, like a new-age Scientologist. Group Ashtangi discussions on WhatsApp and Facebook revolve around castor-oil baths (for supple limbs), Mandukamats (no slipping during transition movements), Kino videos (good or no good? You decide).\n\nThere are 42 postures in primary, and some people get stuck somewhere around the fourteenth one, from where on it will take them years more, or no time at all because they give up. But I am an addict. I don\u2019t give up. I crack the gateway posture,\u00a0Marichyasana D, in two months. Then get stuck in the pinnacle pose that is Supta Kurmasana. Ego smashed.\n\nBut wait, Garba Pindasana is getting better\u2026 and after that, primary is easy, I\u2019m told.\u00a0But only until drop-backs begin, and then there\u2019s the intermediate series, and my target is to get there by next year, or in roughly 20 years. Practice, practice, practice, all is coming, says guruji.\n\nThe symptoms of the old virus are back, the virus of addiction. Only this time it\u2019s pure, in an avatar that is determined and constructive instead of weak, helpless, and shivering. I am a take-no-excuses type of person and it\u2019s a thrill, a cool feeling, like, well, an addiction.\n\nI don\u2019t miss wine. Ashtanga is a drug more potent than cocaine, more exhilarating than heroin, more lethal than tragic first love.\n\nIt\u2019s a high to have a jutting clavicle, sharp cheekbones, size 8 jeans, the constant rush of adolescent stamina, the ability to bare headstand on a beach. It\u2019s even better to have all that with the underlying, long-term benefits of yoga: an iron discipline, the ability to deal with pressure without helpless anxiety, that power to not have to justify yourself constantly.\n\nI finally embrace addiction as a good thing. It has led me to this, in a way that moderation and balance would never have. Moderation is not my key; balance is not in my lexicon. These are oxymorons, mistaken assumptions like \u201csocial drinking\u201d and \u201cgentle exercise\u201d. The truth is you have to go rogue. Make addiction your friend, your inspiration. Because for an addict, it can only be all or nothing. The addict always makes that one choice: the extremity of electric success (or blackout failure) over the low-wattage bulb of routine mediocrity.\n\nAll I pray for is that the next obsession \u2013 if or when it hits \u2013 is even greater.\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Moderation is not my key; balance is not in my lexicon. Addiction is an inspiration. And I pray that every obsession gives me a high.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":41,"featured_media":204,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[315,316,317,62,63,64,65,66,67,318,319,320,71,72,321,322],"class_list":["post-203","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-vice","tag-addict","tag-addiction","tag-alcoholic","tag-arre","tag-arre-digital-platform","tag-arre-originals","tag-arre-reads","tag-arre-text-articles","tag-arre-website","tag-ashtanga","tag-health","tag-sula","tag-web-series","tag-web-shows","tag-wine","tag-yoga"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.0 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>An Addict for Life<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Moderation is not my key; balance is not in my lexicon. Addiction is an inspiration. 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